Brainwashed into hell
Suffocating with lies
Shoved down this throat

Falsified visions of myself
Firing out of their mouths
Spewing out of my mind

Their creation, my demise

Advertised to all
Unlovable and under-par
Tacked by spears
From words and slurs

Blood escaping every wound
****** scenes don’t come close
To living this life

Running from sleep
Fighting its dreary eyes
Passing through all the streets

Sprinting in familiar surroundings
Begging for something to remember
From the days, I swore to forget
In this place some time ago

Screeching winds of comforting voices
Engulf the road populated by corpses
Slowing to a walk, the stairs appear
Welcoming me down

Silently descending,
A bed made for one
Settling six feet under
Sleep comes not as war

Once, I wanted to give
Thirteen Reasons Why
And bury myself
While I was totally alive
Six feet under the ground

Once, I tried to step
Out the window, Just
To feel myself fall
Through thin air
Only to smack
On the cement below

Once, I failed to lift
A simple weight
Even an inch
Above my chest
Before it cracked
My collar bone.

Once, I broke
Thought it was ending
Told them to grab
The bullets
Fire at will

And once, I asked a boy
To take my hand
Spin me around for
A short dance

Then, I promised myself
Never turn into
One of those poets
Writing dedications
Again and again to them
Because by the end
They became jokes

Once, I told someone
I never wanted to fall in love
Over and over and over again
Because they said
I'm never going to be good enough

But once, I never said
This was a love poem
Maybe it's an appreciation one
Cause once, I asked you to dance
And for some reason
You decided to say yes

Thanks for that

And for now,
Thanks for everything we've become
Let's take this journey longer
Go for all the risks
Make these memories last

Once, I want to hold on
And never let go.

Don’t send me to the hospital
I just left without a cure
Don’t feed me the drugs
My over-dosing habits are not pure
Don’t leave me suffering
Alone as you walk past
Just take me to the sea
Where I can float into infinity

Haunting these hallways
I surround friends with joy
Faking my way of life
So no one pulls me outside
Not like I’m filled inside
And it seems I like to criticize
All those girls for being fake.

While I know it’s true,
I can’t be too hypocritical
When I look at myself
As unrealistic projections
Of a happy adolescent

If you couldn’t tell,
Then I must be doing well
As my walls are built higher
And my skin grows a little tighter

I still get sick
Of going back every day
With all the ****** up acts
People commit inside the hellhole
I’m sworn to go to
Until my legal childhood dies

Most days, I’m scared to go back
When the treatment is this bad
And the punches are dealt the same
When the words leave the their mouths
And leave me hanging to on the edge
Suffering with more blood from razors

The past 12 years seem to merge
Into a big blurb of complete crap
I thought by now, we’d grow taller and mature
From the childish **** of the past

They’re still satisfied with producing slurs
Just because I’m not at their ‘perfect stature’
That’s when I wonder what’s going to change
Am I ever going to take a jump away
And find some way to escape
While a month and a half seems so short
Being told you’re a **** up every day
Makes the days a little bit longer

What if I didn’t come back tomorrow
Or all the days after that
What if I said oh ***** it
And left the world in a snap
What will they say, when someone tells them
It was their faults from their words and their actions

And as every day continues
To be another fight for a healthy mental state
I just lay down at night thinking
Sometimes I wish I could die.

Tomorrow, when I'm gone
Remember my spirit
Go fight the world
Without me

A month from now, when I'm gone
Share my works
Show off all these words
Create a book and display my mind
Without me, there is time

A year from now, when I'm gone
Infuse my voice
To those you don't know
Reflect my beauty
Not my broken life
Without me, the moment shall arrise

And then forget me
Let me go
To live off your own life
Don't dwell on what you
Could have said or done better
Without me, it will go faster

But tomorrow, while I'm here
Remove the invisible noose
Around my neck
Hold me in your arms and
Help me win these mental games
And remind me
Suicide is not the only way

I will conquer you.
I will watch and learn and figure you out.
Sometimes it’ll take a while
But I’m going to slam and slam
Put my pencil down
Push you out
From the depths of my minds
The deepest wrinkles in my brain

And then free them into you
When I slam down
The poem will last
The length it wants to last
I’m going to figure you out
Slam poetry
Watch out

Here’s the thing
I’m not pulling away
But I don’t even want to stay
How do you live
How do you die
How do you make your life useful
What am I even going to write

I’ll let you go
Set you free
Pull ideas out from all around me
And when I’m done
I want to have won
Because you’ve judged my face
And what it displays
But you haven’t actually judged me

You go by what you hear.
You let their ideas and lies
Infuse into your mind
And that’s all you want to believe
You think you’re so right
With your opinionated minds
Just because someone told you
This who’s who and what’s what
This is the TRUTH
Of a small town
But really we’re made of a bunch of lies

Slam Poetry
Set me free
Let my horse out of the gate
I’m ready to start this race
Just let me escape.
Right here, right now.

So I’ll put it down
Get it out.
But first, teach me how.

Slam poetry,
Fight off my ways
Say what you want to say.
I’ll conquer you.
One day.
Don’t you wait

I’ll take what words I know
And endue them with life
Reveal my broken mind
From these hands as I write
Have I got a stanza
Am I getting this right?

Slam poetry,
Your mystery surrounds me
And I am here to show you
That I will solve you
Each time I tap this page
With a new idea or word
Or even phrase.

Slam poetry,
Here I am
Greeting you now
Don’t just watch me
Listen as the words come out

What am I saying
How is this going
Why can’t I contain this
There’s something deep inside
And I’m too weak to fight

I’m drowning in myself
******* in water and exhaling air
Slam poetry what is going on
Are you driving me crazy.

Stop avoiding my glance
At every single chance
Look into my eyes
And tell me
I’ve got this one thing
Right

Grapple the impossible
Stand up to face the day
Hiding under covers and blankets
Won’t help to cure the pain

Show them what you’re made of
Even if you’re full of misery
Make them realize
You will survive
No matter how they try to burry you

Greet the day
With no face of shame
And tell yourself
You’ve made it another day