I long to drink, to numb my pain, to ease my sins from the day.

The more I drink the better I feel and my thoughts begin to come ever so real.

Monster in the mirror sends loved ones to fear,
I scratch, I claw, destroying my all.

Attacking without cause, I paint with my claws,
a picture of pain while splitting my veins.

When Im sober I fear,
telling you “Im dead my dear”,
Just give me another bottle of everclear.

Everyday is a battle, and I choose to fight
but keep staring at me with those dead eyes,
its not like you would understand, with your perfect life

This isnt your everyday abuse,
every step a trap door to tighten my noose


I cant breath with your eyes piercing my heart
my brain fried, im paralyzed

You know what you do to me
yet you fail to cease
Im tearing myself apart at the seams

Every day, every reflection
just go the **** away

stuck in my ca ****
I have little room to grow

I want out
my predator's not giving me a chance-
ready to crush my underlying beauty


I want to start my journey
free of influence and guilt


understanding my freedom 
I soon realize I could be the next optimist on that insect infested windshield


Cars are like soldiers, imitating life's obstacles
I fail to make progress

Months go by, still fighting both battles I ask:
Is my future still worth fighting for?

I did not choose this life

Today I let go
but dont worry boy
you wont lose all of me
you have a place in my heart forever
a bullet proof chamber
one which you cant break

A new life has begun
I feel so free
Many struggles
but I was worth every fight
because now im free from you
Time to move on
Decide.Commit.Succeed

My life shattered in pieces
I scramble to put it back together
before anyone sees my weakness
the master of disguises
I put on a smile and shove my feelings to the side
I dare not be vulnerable
I mask my imperfections with impersonations
I ask you-
put me back together
make me whole again
please
I need your help to show me
show me it’s ok to be me
tell me that im beautiful
worthy
Its not like me to beg, but I have nothing left
I am broken
be the glue that holds me together

Inhale
you enter my body
tingling oxygen

traveling through my veins
you give me warmth
keeping me alive

I hold you in
hoping there is something left
an endless supply

your departure boils my blood
your beat-less body
my heart pumps for two
you leave me cold

The seasons are in the midst of change
no one will exchange
something has taken over
just want a 4 leaf clover

A black wind has brushed my face
couldn't embrace
(roots) tug at my feet
You have me beat

I fight to stay alive
taking a downward dive
an infinite battle
its caused more than a rattle

This was not my choice
just hear my voice
a form of obtuse
I wont hang the noose

The time has come
time to alter my ways
a change for the better
time for a new phase

A chance to belive in myself
time to prove people wrong
to show my strength
It shouldnt take long

When its all said and done
Ill be a whole new girl
Loving life
My life will unfurl

Gonna run away and leave you behind
You have caused me so much pain
I want to be free from this ball n' chain,
that you have tied to my feet
Im a slave of yours,
one of many
manipulator-
You have wounded more than one
I should have seen it coming
Im a victim, and the one to blame.

I am lost within myself
I cannot find the path to my sanity
Which way to my brain?
Send vibes through my skin
Locate all that is around me
Try
Try to find the way to home
Home is where I can be me
Me, myself, and I
I need to find my way
Why can’t I get out?
Walls enclosing
Heart racing
Trip, fall, stumble
Don’t know who I am
Just like the rest
Square
Conforming
Why can’t I stand out?
Why can’t I find who I am?
I want to be the stain glass in this chapel of deep mahogany
I’m alone
Surrounded by immitations
All alike
I need to find my way
I need to break the corners of this square
I’m lost
I made a wrong turn
I get smaller
Walls get bigger
It’s a never ending journey
What now?
Which way to my sanity?
I need out
3 more corners
I can do it
I believe in myself
Left
2 more corners
Things are going grey
A haze
I need out.
2 corners away from discovering me.
Then another obstacle.
I’ll never get out.
I am lost

There is something special that happens on the water
its the life of a young daughter
nothing more than her and a father

the wind in the sails as they make wake
tells a tale that is anything but fake
of a girl whos story began on a lake


There is something special about this girl
a connection to the mother of all pearls
a passion for the sea and all its whirls
This girl is one of a kind

Laying in the grass, starring up into nothingness
a black canvas
ready for imagination
freedom
the world of worries forgotten
lay beside me
Ill take you to a place no one has ever imagined

I dont know whats  worth fighing for
and I dont know how I got to be here
Im caught between two
stuck in the middle
Im not in control
And in the end ill be the last to know

Im excited to see whats ahead of me
I know its right around the bend
excited for whats to come
I hold my head up high
and wait for my time
I hope its something like a dream

We met  on the second floor,
You said hi, and in return I ignored.
to me you seemed nothing more than a chore.


Our first assignment we exchanged words,
we hit it off well, I hadn’t a clue
that I could be so lucky to find someone like you

The more we talked the more I knew
That nothing could change how I felt about you
It started with a smile that led to a few
you lifted my heart that eventually flew

The year came and went fast
Now all we had was in the past
I never knew my first hug would be my last

The summer came and we lost contact
I felt as if part of me was lack
I missed you as a matter of fact

College came and I felt so alone
didn’t even get a text on my phone
I felt as if I were lost in Rome

Then one day I get a text from you
saying how you haven’t a clue
how you could stay away for as long as you did

Our relationship took off
We helped each other through times both easy and tough
never knew someone could love me this much

But that day came where it all fell apart
I let you in and you crushed my heart
I guess it was my fault in part


It started with a smile that led to a few
you lifted my heart that eventually flew
Even though it wasn’t meant to be
I thank you for teaching me,
That it’s ok to open up