I've traveled long roads and neighboring cities
have spent nights in unknown beds and ****** motels
I've woken up to mornings of hangovers and cigarette butts
and have fallen in love with strangers and lost travelers

I have stories that only I can recount
and a broken heart that no one is willing to repair
I've gotten used to people coming and leaving,
loving and falling out of love with me.

Because I am the girl with a lipstick stain and smudged mascara on
with an empty bottle and a flameless lighter
I am the girl who is often forgotten
mostly by the people whom I always remember.

For one night, I had a dream.
That I was in the reflection of two blue eyes.
That I was lying on a feathery chest
with two arms wrapped around me like a blanket.
I was able to ruffle a blonde, curly hair
and kiss those red-stained lips.
For one night, I had the most serene dream
while I was all awake with him.  

And in the morning,
only fragments of that dream
were left on a piece of paper of his goodbye.

I've decided
to stop searching for myself.
Wherever I am
and whatever is happening to me right now,
I will live in it
and through it.

I would not have wanted to be around your grip
Nor to be put in your vase of poison you call love
If I had known you would wither me away,
I would have chosen to stay in where you had found me

I would have dodged your touches and promises
And not believe in your sweetest of lies
If I had known you would pick my petals off one by one
I would not have let you put your hands on me

Darling, if I had only known you would not let me bloom
I should have begged to no be uprooted from the ground
And when I grow again this time
I promise my thorns will grow along with me.

I never imagined that
a pair of dirt-colored eyes,
red stained lips,
safe haven arms,
and a soothing voice
could be the foundations
of my longed home
where my heart lies,
unharmed,
welcomed,
and finally…
Finally, loved.

...was when we ran in the city that night, reckless and unafraid.

It was when we lit packs of cigarettes and drowned in bottles of beers.

It was when the late nights of sneaking, driving, and skinny dipping.

It was when the only time we didn't feel lost was when every time we were together.

It was when we thought that we had our fates and lives in our hands so we held each other tight.

It was reckless, it was trouble, it was young. But it was love.

And it is being remembered.

We were only passersby
in each other’s lives
Yet we’ve filled huge spaces
in each other's books.
I’ve written you in chapters.
And that,
my dear,
is the reason
why you’re a passerby
that’ll forever stay with me.

(01.31.18/09:00 pm/ during the rare super blue blood moon)

Tonight, the world watches you with its’ naked eyes
And behind the telescopes and lenses, you shine.
You shine brighter than the city lights.
You reign like a queen in the night sky.
And the stars, your jewels, hail you with their lights.
From the endless dark canvas above, moon, you are admired.

I take in the poison from this death of me
And expel a cloud of smoke out of these dying lungs.
Thinking about why you are so out of reach,
Why are you so far from my grip?
If only I am as far from them as I am from you.
Maybe, they would never get to hurt me.

So, I pray that before the night ends,
Before you go,
I pray you’ll take me with you.
Out of reach and far from pain.
Out of reach and admired.
So please, take me with you and never back.
Never again.