My mind is rotting out of my own head
I say out loud
against the suffocating silence
swimming
in
out
in
out
of my ears
Like a record, spinning around and around until its final stop in the center
My eyes
dancing between reality and fantasy
What a wonderful way to spend a Monday
Sinking neck deep into the dark pits of hell.

She was beautiful, but not in the way you would expect a person to be beautiful.
You could see it by the way her dark green eyes fixated on you, like she could
see all your thoughts blooming like wildflowers from your head. You could see it
by the way she held her ceramic coffee cup, with both hands, embracing the warmth
and taking deep sips of that magic black liquid.
Their was something about her, something so... genuinely unique.
You could feel the electric pulse of her aura going through your nervous system.
There was something about this girl, telling, urging me to just say one simple hello.

Dec. 20th, a whole month is nearly gone in the blink of an eye and I didn’t even realize it, a ******* year has flown past without me even knowing. I loved the glow of your eyes in the dark car, I was just melting in your hands and you hadn’t even touched me, hearing you talk so animated, and so vibrant and alive, you aren’t even a ******* color but if you were you would be a brilliant mixture of reds and oranges in the setting sky, setting everything alight with nervous energy in your path. You were such a unique person, you totally caught me off guard, I wasn’t the cocky party girl I usually was, you were so full of life and I was a mere observer of the beauty you held inside of you. I was so star struck by your personality, but that was my mistake, romanticizing you, mistaking that short glimpse of you, for the whole entire you. I would have followed you anywhere, taken any chance to be with you, held you when you felt like ****, made you tea and tried my best to get a laugh out of you. I wanted to be your best lover, and when we kissed your lips felt like home, what actually rips out my heart is, you said I was something special, you gave me so much happiness, I’d never felt better. You made me feel like I truly meant something to someone for once in my life, and when I gave you the last remaining piece of me, you just took and took and took, you never gave me the slightest piece of you. I wanted you to say something to make me stay. You just let me walk away, like after all you had said to me, I was still nothing but another dumb girl, reduced to a mere speck of dust.

And when I get bad I usually sleep for days on in
or
Go on some wild spree of running the town night and day
Looking for my sanity in the stars.
And burning
burning
burning
like a gasoline on a house fire, but hell, losing your sanity makes for fabulous poetry.

To awake from an inevitable slumber, to a cold, dimly lit, hospital room, to feel the lacerations covering your arms, to awake from a midnight dream, of you, and me. Happy, together laughing like we always did, kissing, holding your warm calloused hands.
Then all the light and glory, drifts cooly away.
The light goes out.
Here I am, alone, and you are no where to be found.
Alone.