I want to be the person I was before you.
That girl is easier to find. I am determined and ready to find her.
I want to embrace the feeling of being me again. Not that dreary girl with a million walls up...*
Being left in this tiny little jail cell of sadness is no party.

She would tuck me in.
He would roll me in the chilly sheets,
Soft kiss to the cheek.
Night so joyfully still.*

10 years pass.
Heaven took him.
May not be the same as when I was young,
Although I wish it was.

5 am she comes home.
Not realizing mostly everyone,
is sound asleep.
Door slams closed,
As the fumes of alcohol travels through me.
A Pinot Grigio bottle or two,
The replacement.
Louder
    and Louder she gets.
I choose not to speak,
Fearing her answer to any question I would have in thoughts.

Vaguely remembering those nights I wasn't so alone.

Bright lights
Spinning rides,
The games for the prizes.
Next game,
    To the Next game.
Prize to prize.

You seemed so committed,
So serious about
Us.
Until You got what you wanted,
Then with her dark brown hair
brown eyes,
I found you with,
               I leave.
Then the next one,
      To the next one,
       To the next.  Is the game still worth the prize?

To run.
Knowing I had never been so excited,
To wake at such  a dawning hour.
Not realizing what I am running from,
Is myself.
Not knowing I am losing more and more of me.
In the brightly lit street,
Memories,
Everything in them suddenly appears.
Good,
        bad,
My past is the memory I need to forget.