If you would only ask
I’d tell you I still care.
If you would only look my way
You’d see that I’m still here.

If you would only meet my eyes
You’d see what I say is true.
Instead I feel that you despise
All and everything I do.

If you would only treat me
The way you treat the guys
I’d be as happy as could be
But you don’t even try.

If you would only speak
A few kind and caring words
It’d be easier to turn my cheek
Instead of hearing what I’ve heard.

If only you would disappear
And fade away from sight.
It would be my very worst fear
And a strange source of delight.

If you could only see how—
I suffer when you’re near.
How everyday I solemnly vow
Not to cry a single tear.

If you could only know
How I feel inside.
You would see you’ve hurt me so,
But instead I smile and hide.

You will never ask.
And I will never tell.
You will never look my way
And see that I’m not there.


(unfinished)

Burning crosses in spotless sheets
Concerned with the matter at hand.
Only in the still of night can they meet
This secret society that has been banned.  
Yet there stand in these once silent woods
With their pointed hats and rebel flags.
Their intentions supposedly "good"
They hide the blood-stained rags.
 Decisions made with southern drawls
Not very much humanity involved
They stand by the cross reciting Jim Crow laws
In their hatred they are resolved.  
They pick our victims by sight alone
Muttering unintelligible chants and marching 'round.
They say its more than just skin tone
I've looked, but it's the only reason I've found.

Sometimes, if its quiet enough, I can feel and hear my heart beat. I guess I can all the time, but I never really pay any attention to it. I take it for granted everyday. I break it, crush it, loose it..How is it that something so simple and yet so complex, but so small, can determine not only whether you live or die but also whether or not you live a happy life? They say people think with their brains. I think that they think with their hearts more. The heart overrides all facts, explanations, and reasons. It is the root of all things irrational and passionate.  The heart is in control ~ not the brain. This makes life beautiful. The entire idea of this is irrational and improvable. Follow your heart. It will break, bleed, fall in love, get you in trouble and suprise you in so many ways. But most of all it will teach you. Follow your heart if you want to live. Follow your brain if you want to stay alive. 

As I sit here beside you,
I realize that one of my dreams has come true.
Looking over, I see you sleep.
Breathing, breathing. Oh so deep.
One arm resting over your head,
Your gorgeous closed lips remind me of what you said.
Those beautiful eyelashes rest against flushed cheeks,
In finding you, I found more than peace.

You love me so much—you show it in many ways,
At your look, you should see how fast my heartbeat plays.
Patient, you put up with all my mistakes,
You give, and give, but never take.
I always fall under the intense gaze of your eyes,
And every kiss takes me by surprise.

Your chest rises and falls ever so gently.
I lean over to whisper “I love you”, softly.
Hands so gently, warm and kind,
I love it when they are entangled in mine.
Unconsciously you smile, that crooked, half-smile,
To see that I’d drive for hours. Trust me—it’s worthwhile.
I love the cowlick you worry about
I cannot resist that adorable pout.

You love me more than I can know,
I know this, because you said so.
Sitting on the couch, you thought I was asleep.
Almost—not quite; My eyes closed, I dared to peek.
I heard you confess to me that night,
Exactly how you loved me, and how it felt so right.

You know the extent of my true love,
And of yours now I am so certain of.
So I snuggle up to you and lay my head on your chest
And quiet my heart—I feel so blessed.
It pounds so fast, from my new found excitement,
Just being near you is pure enjoyment.
I can’t help but think “I’m the luckiest girl alive”.
I sigh, a happy sigh, and I close my eyes.

My heart sorta hurts, it does ache soo...
What's wrong with me? I don' t really know.
Pushed to the corner of a mind
How do I always get in THIS bind?
It hurts, It hurts! But I can't tell
How are you? Fine, I'm doing well...
Deep down inside, my heart cries
It remembers how hearts feel when they fly.
I wish we could talk, but there's never any time
I'm soo tired of THAT old line.
Suportive and there, I'm trying to be
I'm tryin so hard why cant they see?
I admit it, I need to know.
I know their love, but would it hurt to show?
In the beginning so many small things
The tiniest action made my heart sing.
Now if I'm lucky, a yes or a no
My heart feels like it's tossed to and fro.
Don't get me wrong,I'm so full of love
They are the best thing, ive ever dreamed of.
It is just fear, nawing at my heart
My biggest fear: that I will unknowingly tear us apart.

You walk by, and I have to close my eyes.
I'm not sure what it is I feel, I don't even know if this is real.
You're always there for me; but with lots of room to breathe.
Time after time, you wander through my mind.
Images of your smile and eyes, always wake me by surprise.
My heart begins to beat so fast, I've had this feeling in the past.
Once upon a time...He had been mine.
What if this would end the same? Could I dar bear that pain?
Then there's the question, of "Have I learned my lesson?"
Do I dare fall for you, friend? Should I even go there again?
I could not bear to lose you, It is rare to find a friend so true.
I wonder if you can tell, when you're around I'm in hell.
I see you sitting there, I try hard not to stare...
My throat closes - I cannot speak. Just the thought of you, makes me weak.
We used to laugh and play, now I do not know what to say.
I once told you everything, now this secret causes me pain.
What do I do? I can't tell you...I'd die if you knew.
For sure, I don't know, your rejection would be an unbearable blow.
So I live on with my secret, a silent aching regret.
My pillow--stained with tears, of love for my friend of three years.
In order to act normal, I fill journal after journal.
One day you might know why I act so weird; one reason I will never tell, the main one, is fear.
So you will know why I'm awkward and shy, and why I always seem to sigh....

So different, and yet the same.
The only difference seems to be a name.

Repetition helped me memorize
A look, a touch, and big brown eyes.

Replayed the memories again and again.
It works both ways my lovely friend.

You remember the good times, oh and the bad.
He’s gone, in his place’s a never-ending sad.

You don’t miss him anymore and yet
The feelings of rejection are hard to forget.

Fear, suspicion and unforgettable lies.
With his lack of truth, part of you died.

I really don’t know what to do.
Everything in me screams stay away from you.

“Trust me, and know that I
Will love you till the day I die…”

No, I can’t; I walk away.
I just don’t have the heart to say…

Scared, beaten, broken and battered.
How do I tell you I gave up on what mattered?

I can’t love you. You won’t be true.
But I walked away before I ever knew.

This I do, again and again.
Stuck in this cycle that doesn’t seem to end

Happy, full of giggles and smiles
Don’t you know I can go for miles?
Can you see me through my mask?
Trying to hide a wounded past.
When will sun shine through the rain? 
My judgment, clouded as I hide
It’s because of my foolish pride.
You only see what I want you to.
You can’t see through—I use a mask.  
People like what I let them see,
They love that mask; they don’t love me.
I don’t like it, it’s all that I’ve got.
Show the real me? I think naught!
From you I conceal all this pain.
I live a lie—I use a mask.

What really is love? How do you know you're in love?

Is love that funny feeling you get when you see someone across the room? Or that breathless weak sensation that comes too soon?
Is it the stupid jokes and random ramblings? Or all the juvenile things?
Is it the stupid faces that make him scary and ugly, but so much more adorable? Or his smile…unforgettable?
Is it constantly thinking about him and trying not to daydream? Or finding not thinking of him harder than it seems?
Is it staring off in space recounting memories together? Or trying hard not to think of forever?
Is it fighting all day every day, but only in a playful way...Or thinking of a "mean" thing to say?
Is it engaging in a battle of wits? Or is it a feeling you try so hard to resist?
Is it suffering through what you hate—a passion of your date's?
Or is it everything he does for you, to make every tiny dream come true?
Is it passion of all good things? And ignoring all the ill pains?
Is it sacrificing to be together? Or sacrificing so much, trying not to smother?
 Is it caring only about his happiness? And totally forgetting everyone else?
Is it, maybe, having nothing else matter? And him not caring if you get sadder...
Is it A kiss? A touch? Or An "I love you so much"?
Is it just one of these things? Or is it, like I believe, all of these and more in between?