i was ***** three times by the same man.

can i really call it ****, when i really blame myself?

i didnt want to sleep with this man. not for one second. but i was 19. i wanted pills and alcohol. i wanted to escape. so i took every pill and beer this man gave  me, and none of my friends stopped him or me.

they saId i sounded like i enjoyed it, like that made it okay. i dont remember a single moment, i didnt know it even happened until i saw my ******* inside out.

it happened three times. how could i let that happen? how was i so naive?

i dont remember the first or last time at all, but the second time…i was extremely drunk, eating wataburger. i was so drunk i had mustard dripping down my chin. i could barely chew. all i remember is him dragging me to his room and ******* me. i was literally a dead fish. i was too drunk to do or say anything. Less than a minute into it I blacked out.

Is it really ****, when I only blame myself?