You've not been feeling yourself
A dull kind of ache
A colorless vision

Feels too small to mention
Yet larger than comfortable
I see you inside

I sat in a field, once
Off topic, but it connects
I was thirteen and was offered
A fruit punch with Burnetts
I said no, but watched
As she did and spun around
In that field with that drink
And a sky full of stars

I felt small
In a snowglobe
The stars were just pieces
Of flakes ready to fall
I stared hard at them
And for the first time I saw
Their true light
Never constant
Brighter
Duller
Brighter

And as I reflect
I know that this much is true
Just as the stars are
Even people flicker too

It's not that this space
Aches in your lack
It's that it feels fuller
When you come back

It clouds the way I see your face
Transports me to another place
Makes me dissect a warm embrace
Oh how I wish it wouldn't

I hate to hurt, from past and you
It's trained in me, nothing to do
With how we are, I see it through
You're wonderful, I have no clue

As if you whipped my heart to shape
Looked over like a wilted drape
I trained my heart to feel like crepe
Clutched like Ann Darrow by the ape

It is my way I have found
It lifts my feet from solid ground
Like a circus mirror it confounds
Leaves me foolish in it like a clown

I don't expect you to see
The way its wicked works on me
It's hard some days, but I will always be
Much more than my anxiety

November
Crisp weather
Together
Again

Our sweaters
Blue and maroon
Were you nervious?
I was too.

Fingers inched
Memoried pinched
Heart strings tugged
Surely cinched

There we were
Together again
More than just
Two old friends

Tree limbs bare
Crunching brush
New old growth
Made me blush

My biggest fear
Is that you'd forget me here
Move along with my body
Leave my heart unseen

Intertwine your life
With who you think I am
Form sentences from my words
In the order you ordain

Be quick to assist
To the whim of a stranger
In the early morning hours
But forget I am broken

Do you ever look at my hands
Visually caress the curvature of my face
Trace the light with your eyes
And contemplate my being?

Gritty, ***** earth
I would make a space
Defined edges and lines
A plant for every place

I would water it daily
Returning from a run
On the way to fetch the mail
Soaking up the sun

Divots in dirt
Turn to flowers in earth
And fruit within weeks
But for all that it's worth

I'd tend to this land
Nurture it with time
All to see you
Pluck fruit fresh from the vine

When the room was clear and stage was dark
I felt a pang inside my heart
As I looked to where you used to be
I sighed a familiar sigh

The sigh that knows your name
But does not need to utter the syllables
Because even if it is not said
It knows that I sigh for you
I cry for you
I'd lie for you
But I hide from you
Every song I sing, I sing for you
Every love song, in soprano
Serenades in smoky rooms
With low voices whispering in your ear
Soothing you into a trance
If you come closer, you can hear
My yearning voice for you
You can almost feel
My light touch across you dance

I compare stories of every love 
I have ever heard
To our tale, in my mind
Like a kindergartner trying to cut out a picture
Based on a pattern held with stubby hands
I line the edges up just right and see what fits into us

Oh, I look around and hope you are there
To notice me
To think of me
To dream as I do
As if I were the only girl you had ever loved
The only girl you are capable of loving
The only girl you want
But what can I give you?

I've waited a long time
And I'm pretty sure I'd wait again
Because I'm your fool
A jester 
That's performing only for your applause
For you to admire from the first row
To clap your hands and shout "Bravo!"