Your voice is echoing again and again in my mind
Had we really talked today?
Like nothing was wrong?
Like we still knew each other?
And it was not only for a moment, but for hours
We laughed and talked with friends and amongst ourselves
Calling each other by name
Saying funny stories
Mentioning teachers we hated

Secretly, I yearned for this communication
Because I was in the dark for so long
But I fear it
Because of my someone special
I don't want to get caught up again
Caught in your nerdy charisma
That seems to trip me up every time
**** It
Just don't let me do the same thing to my someone special
That you did to me
I don't want to continue the cycle
Of being caught up on somebody that you used to know

Being friends would be perfectly okay
If only it were possible

I have become one who writes for her audience
That doesn't know that I'm writing to them
Making declarations on here
Because in real life, I cannot scream these things out

I hate being constricted, being expected to be stable
All the time
I have days where I feel great and days where I am terrible
And those days in between
Just like everyone else
Days where I go through all the steps of grief at once
And days where I simply skip to the final step

But why do I feel the need to explain myself to you people?
When most of you don't even know me

Some of my poems don't give away who I really am
They are sort of somber and unhappy
However, I am actually happy
Joyous even
Despite various things that have happened throughout my life
I always make the best of it

I feel like I forget that sometimes though
My persevering nature
My optimistic outlook on life
And I forget that I need to remember that I am special, too
We all need to remember that we are worth something
So we don't slip in to the fallacy that we are nothing

I'll be the first one to admit
I have weird things about me
Like how I like bottles in the car cup holder
Always straight, never leaning. Or else I have to fix them
How I systematically eat my diner breakfasts
Scrambled eggs first, one piece of toast, then intermingled bites of home fries and the remaining slice of toast
Or how I like to climb the stairs in the school hallway
All of the stairs to the middle platform before the door makes the closed noise behind me

I feel like there are people everywhere like me
People with quirks
People who are easily excitable
People who love being with their friends
People you could find something in common with
People who can be a lot like you
But people you probably never took the time to understand

It took a picture of you in a fedora
To make me realize
That I don't have any love for you anymore

I was just walking around
Somewhere and saw saw it unintentionally
And you just looked unattractive to me

After struggling with feeling so many things
Disinterest is so freeing
To feel like you looked ugly

To feel something other than
Wanting you
Or being hurt by you
Or feeling inferior
Not good enough to be in your world

Your expression
Your frown
Everything about it

Made me realize
That the unhappiness you really feel
Is reflected outward in your pictures
And that is what made you unattractive

I bet you are wondering why I call you that name
"The Other One"
Because at one point
You were my "Someone Special"

But we kind of fell off of the world
We fell far, far into the outer universe of space
Or at least you did
Because I felt I could never reach you
As hard as I tried
As loud as a I screamed for you
You could never seem to hear me

Do not get me wrong, this is my fault too
I did some things along the road too
And I am really sorry for those things I did
The last thing I ever planned or wanted to do was to hurt you
Even now I am scared to do that
I guess I just got so used to tiptoeing around your sensitivity
I became a gymnast
However, my greatest fault is that I'm not graceful

So wherever you are now, "The other one"
Wherever you are in your world
Whether you are floating around in the cold recesses of space or back home again
I just want you to know
That I will always have a space set up for you
In my heart
Some place that is warm and remembers what it was like
When we were on good terms
Because whenever life trips you up, I will always care
Even though it looks like I don't, I do