You really think you know me

I have been raised to believe I am wrong.
It is in my blood,
That I cannot trust myself
Every decision I make will lead to my demise
To believe I am weird, everything I do- abnormal
That I am a laughing stock.
A joke.
Pathetic.
I have been taught that love is
Swearing, screaming, hitting, stealing
And my happiness is simply an act of my expression.
A smile I’ve been trained to hold.

I have been raised to dwell in the past and live as my mistakes
To judge others as I have learned to judge myself,
with hatred and disgust
I have been told I am wrong.
I am wrong.
I am wrong.
Self righteous, obnoxious, annoying, disaster,
I am wrong.

And this is why I’ll never be (al)right.
This is why I am scared to love you,
Dare I ever let you love me in a way that’s deeper than I’ve ever seen,
And felt in my very own heart
But how could I trust my very own heart?
It is wrong.
So therefore, I can’t love you,
nor let myself admit to so
Or ever accept a love so illegitimate as mine.
Do not even bother with me, my darling.
I am quite simply wrong.