Am I awake or am I just breathing
Just want to be proud of a life leading
Now let me rephrase
Sickness sinks this is how I'm feeling
If I was just born to dig an early grave
And like a sitting duck
Smell of rust
Running water

Darling when you're shaking
Death will hold with still hands
This world is too small for our taking

Carefully your mind assembles
Brown eyes turn dead black
Your body trembles
Look down

The void seems empty and bleak
Nothingness is numb and lukewarm
Reaching out now, old bones creek
You begin to vanish into the void


The wells are dry
You choked on that one last wish

I am torn in two
but I will conquer myself.
I will dig up the pride.
I will take scissors
and cut out the beggar.
I will take a crowbar
and pry out the broken
pieces of God in me.
Just like a jigsaw puzzle,
I will put Him together again
with the patience of a chess player.

How many pieces?

It feels like thousands,
God dressed up like a *****
in a slime of green algae.
God dressed up like an old man
staggering out of His shoes.
God dressed up like a child,
all naked,
even without skin,
soft as an avocado when you peel it.
And others, others, others.

But I will conquer them all
and build a whole nation of God
in me - but united,
build a new soul,
dress it with skin
and then put on my shirt
and sing an anthem,
a song of myself.