My dear childhood friend,
we made it through!
You and I on the altar
suffering cuts way back when.

Daily humiliation fed to us as the body.
Drank our own tears like a wine.
Confessions you and I could only understand.
Memories in the back of my mind always like a hymn.

I thought we were both survivors,
but then you did it.

You began to baptize your very own children in this same way!
Somehow I had to excommunicate half of my soul
the day I had to let you go.

this jealousy streak is eating me by the bit.

With a gentle tug at my heart.

I feel the emotion, but I don't know were to start

The women at my work always getting flowers, I steal one or two when they aren't there.

People who don't have work, able to lunch for hours.

women on facebook with pretty faces, pretty bodies saying every joke that is a hit.

while I come home looking like ****.

where did this monster seep from?

I was over such things a few years ago.

I feel like a troll under a bridge when I have such stupid thoughts.

People praise my brain and I am ruining it, worried about outside existence.

I suppose this is a human feeling.

I am not used to such an ordinary dealing.

I can't have kids.
Now that I said it just please accept it.
I could lie to you and say I was in some sort of horrible accident that rendered me sterile.
I could lie and say his ***** is slower than fish swimming in a barrel.
I could lie and say we wish for such a miracle. but we don't.

at the end of the day my mind is rattling. in the morning it never wants to start. when I try to think about happiness then an arrow deflates my heart. nerves and worries are like sparrows nests in my head. i cry for those that lived, i cry for those that are dead, and i cry for myself because my mind has never tried producing enough chemicals to make me happy. it's not the run of the mill stuff, it's deep **** treading through and it is rough.

I see no reason to bring a kid into this place. If it were diabetes or heart problems people would respect my decision space. without children i feel no sadness. it's one less soul that doesn't have to see my mind's madness.

We never got to laugh at the way that chemotherapy ruined your hair, and how luxurious it was when it grew back. even stronger than before!

we ran out of time to name all of your tumors, and giggle when they were evicted from your body. you felt even better than before!

even when your funeral was under way, our laughter filled the halls. because, even in death we couldn't forget your mishaps and jokes.

it was especially touching at your wake, when your brother smashed his head on a door frame. like the hand of you could only do.

and now we keep on smiling.

when my dad insists that a shower curtain makes a perfectly fine table cloth.

or when my future husband cares more for our aging ill cat, better than he could ever push cradles for babies we won't have. I smile!

I smile and think that you cannot be near. Maybe your next life has already started, surely you don't need to worry and watch us. The same smile that you passed unto us, the best gift you can teach your children in hard times.

You are Irish. So am I. The Kennedys are, and so is half of ******* America.

We aren't special, you aren't unique, so put down your Guinness you freak.

I hate people being so proud of a land they have never been.

Our freckles and our hair and skin is the color of ham.

You act like the Irish invented beer

and are proud that the Celtic women have a big mule rear .

Our ancestors had to escape such a ****** forsaken place.

and you act like god chose you to procreate some master race.

I know that your family and mine spent years in mud.

Dirtier than swine, just to feed your family a diseased spud.

Our pink grandparents came here, and put down every other race that didn't match their rosy face.

So go find a leprechaun with a *** o' luck.

Don't raise a drink to our ancestry, because I don't give a ****.

My ex-boyfriend is moving back to town, so I better stop eating like a hog and looking like a clown!

The way he broke my heart, I still can't find the words to explain.

I'm going to have to throw these chips away and start eating everything plain.

It's been 5 years, and oceans of Coca-Cola's later.

I need to wire this mouth shut,I am always hungrier than an alligator.

My trunk has swelled to epic proportions, it's going to take the strangest contortions into getting fit.

I feel like an elephant in every chair I go to sit.

I know he doesn't miss me or my wit.

Every joke I ever told him, I had to explain it.

The last time he set his eyes on me, the fire department had to remove me from spying on him from his tree.

The handcuffs of the police hurt, but not as rough as he with my heart.

Things had gone so good when we did start!

The number of restraining orders are making my apartment looking like I am a hoarder.

So when he sees my **** body from the distance the court has ordered me to stay from him,

I just know his heart will swim back to me.

And I will be sitting in his tree.

Because, we were meant to be!

I forgot to pay my muthafucking mobile phone bill.

I tell ya, this week until payday is going to be some thrill.

The only luxury I have in my life is the information super highway on that phone.

I click on a land faraway, once the weirdos at my work start to ***** and moan.

I click on the browser and let my mind roam.

I get to type all over the world,

The co-workers complain about all the races they hate

while I don't say a word and go to wikipedia straight away.

I can spend hours reading about nazis, astronomers, and plants

I might just invest in ear plugs to stop listening to co-workers rant.

I catch up on gossip about celebrities I have never heard of,

and read about the **** they are doing to ruin their lives.

I go to Facebook, where a few people think my words are clever.

Lets me sever the pains of everyday annoyances.

Read about dreamy recipes I could make, and all the delicious pies I will bake.

Chat with someone who slept all day and is now awake in Egypt.

But like I said, I am without a phone this week.

Seven days to let my insanity peak.