my bright eyes
named after a band
named after a constellation
and i will let you know
that when i lay on that sidewalk
over previous ant wars and layers and layers of decomposed mammals
all i can see is the motion of this earth
and a past time i will never forget
is being dizzy.
that is what happens when i look at you.
i can see you in the dark.
you are my light
when your eyes are open.
and when they are not, i know you are there.
i will always know you are there
glassy and intelligent and heightened
senses
infiltrated when you kiss me there.
i will never not once
forget my star
living so close to my moon
who you know i love to meditate to
and remind that she is beautiful.
you share the sky with her.

"We kissed so much my throat is sore."
we kissed so much my lips are sore
we kissed so much my neck is sore
we kissed so much my back is sore
we kissed so much my thighs are sore.
we kissed so much my ****** is sore
we kissed so much my breath is sore
we kissed so much
i am soar
we kissed so much.
we kissed so much.

i have tea bags hanging from a tack
they are tangled
like our legs
and you whispering
"i want to hold something of yours"
i will create a *** for you
you're welcome to carry it
and ask for donations
because God knows
Lord knows
Buddha knows
that *** will never
never
never
be enough.

my innocence is unknown
and i do not see
but there is paint on my wall
that does not match the rest
and there is ink in my life
that does not match the rest
and there are hands in my life
that do not match the rest
and your eyes will never match anybody else's
and your eyes will never be mine
but last night, i know what you did.
i know that you kissed my eyelid
and i know that you looked at me
while i was as calm and simple
as you will EVER come to me.

one big sigh
one big cough
one big crouch and crawl and one big
swipe.
slice
scratch
cut
glass.
this is a list of things you gave me:
1 pocket knife and
1 more sharp
countless necklaces
countless rings
from your previous girl
from your previous baby
from your previous
pale.
a million grains of salt
and a few pages of smeared mascara
and one or two of smeared blood
that i pretended was yours
just because i wanted you
to swipe
slice
scratch
cut
glass.

we were in a moving vehicle
that was not a train or a plain or a boat
and she was the one with the control
and i was one with the scratched up vocal chords
because i wanted to pull your strands
until your eyelashes swept across your reversed eyelids
and your breathing changed.
she threw her blue red knuckles into everything
and we were not at a red stop light
and we were not at a yellow slow light
and we were not at a green go light.
we were at a dark road
in between cemeteries
in between bridges
in between where i release all of the carbon dioxide from my rib cage
with the force of a thousand french horns
and i whisper like a schizophrenic
to the decomposition and greed and dirt.
i only hope that because i have established a relationship with death
that it will be kind to me when i beg
more than i have ever begged before.

i have seen the insides of my sores
and licked and licked until i could not reach any deeper.
the white had faded and filled
like the slush that every car spits up from the ***** asphalt
that i love to skip through
while pretending i look like a fairy
even though we all know
that i am not graceful
or agile
and the negative effects of wings that i carry are impossible
my shoulder blades continually branch out of my muscles
in a feeling of need for you and your back bites
like bed bugs
like bat ridden cabins
like parasites
in your stomach.
taking away your ability to eat
taking away your ability to feel
but giving you your ability to float
and your ability to wear tight black fabric
and look a boy in his eyes
until he wants nothing more
to be looking anywhere else
that is not made of fiberglass and food coloring
eye droppers
to change your pupils
whenever you please.