Oh god what have I done

Look around and you tell me

This can never see the sun
I carry it to the depths of the sea

Shattered glass surrounding me
You whispered to me so profoundly
My hunger only you can feed

Yet tonight you will sleep soundly

Why did I ever trade love for fun

You don't even know me
You don't care and he has done
Everything you couldn't see

Keep it buried keep it hidden,
No one can ever know my shame,
I've eaten of the fruit forbidden,
I can never go back the way I came

Your deep eyes they are wired
To the inner parts of my soul
Against my heart you have conspired
To turn over the simmering coal

Judgmental glances
Burning holes in her back
With the devil she dances
Once white is now black

When you gamble
You will loose
And the darkness
He will choose

If you open the door
He will surely enter
Back again once more
To smother the ember

He won't stop at anything
Not till you're in ruins
Nevermore to sing
He dances to the invisible tune

Machines roaming
More cloning
Perfect droids
Being deployed

Off the assembly line
With a set time
Before self destruction
More under construction
Programmable
Flammable
Almost animal

Is there free choice?
Or follow the voice?
The largest illusion
To demonstrate power
Building on delusion
That we think it is ours

My hands have holes
In which they bore
To run the strings
To make play things

Run by shadows
Whispering powers
Hung from gallows
By deadly flowers

Usable is useful
Worn out is thrown out
Void and null
When the light goes out

Disposable, moldable
Rogues removable
Cast out into the flame
The mentally sick and lame

Underground insurgent
Hiding behind the curtain
Waiting for the time
To betray their design

And face their eminent doom
For the masses leave no room
For individuals

Pulverized and destroyed
Any short circuited droid
Maybe for the better
No longer a debtor
To the society that razed them
While trying to "save" them

Red puffy eyes
Can't let him see me like this
Put on my disguise
Hide my face to dream of bliss

It's all I think about
It's weighing on my mind
My heart so full of doubt
I always fall for that line
I said no you sought me out
Tell me will it be real this time

Pry open my chest
Steal my heart
Failed the test
You can restart

It's all I think about
It's weighing on my mind
My heart so full of doubt
I always fall for that line
I said no you sought me out
I think it might be real this time

This time I won't let you in
I can't take it once more
You know my weakness within
The ***** in my armor

It's all I think about
It's weighing on my mind
My heart so full of doubt
I always fall for that line
I said no you sought me out
It was never real always a lie

Hesitant is your touch
Apologetic are your eyes
Your words they aren't much
But you see through my disguise

I don't even need you
I don't even want you

You use it against me
Oh my weakness is unbearable
With you I'm in too deep
But what you did was unforgivable

I don't even want you
I don't even need you

All I ever did was give you what you wanted,
Maybe that was the problem,
I gave you all of me and now I am haunted,
I have stumbled I have fallen,
My brain cries leave my heart screams stay,
Are you really gonna leave me this way?
You want me
I don’t want you
Anymore

Alone in the darkness
Blacker than seemed
From home the farthest
A terrible fiend

Running always
But during the night
Turning sideways
My vision of light

Lonely and abandoned
Meaning sought in all
Never to be mended
After the great fall

Backs turned
Bridges burned
Apparent disapproval
Limitations learned

One more step
To the left or the right
Would be time I met
The infinite night

Blame me
Irrationally
Can I even blame you?
We are only machine
Built to do
Constructed for doom
Geared toward lust
Selfish not just

Hide in the shame
But all are the same

The battle forever rages
Between words and thoughts
Thoughts that are heinous
And words that are "oughts"

Hide in the shame
But all are the same

To deny your animal
Is almost criminal
When you know you lie
Or at least try
To believe you are good
In this world of darkness
But it's understood
That the black artist

Engraved and innate
Seething with hate
With love only for
The mindless carrier

Hide in the shame
But all are the same

mother nature is unforgiving
with or without you always spinning
dragging you down deeper and deeper
remember when you used to be eager
map in hand leading the way
barely breathing at the end of the day
hoping wishing grasping for some
feeling like from when you were young

we all start at the top of the hill
running only on what we feel
the wick is short and the wind is strong
your fire will not burn for long

are we just brought to reality?
sentenced to live in this gallery
full of lost and forgotten dreams
hopeless still we chase the green
never to be reached, a desert mirage
mistakes and failures form a collage

a sorry thing we like to call life
spent sitting around and getting high
what more is there to do

the sands of time wear on the soul
until you are but a bottomless hole
everything drained, nothing left
used and abused a victim of theft

look out for yourself
if ever you were
taught a lesson in life
this one is sure
no one will stop, and no one will care
trampled on, no one there

a lonesome road
crowded you still walk
completely alone
with only the rock
you kick on the way
to guide you through
and keep you sane
through and through

Daytime when its night
Inside my soul no light
Heart sold
Soul cold
Goose on the side
Drowning inside

It tasted like red bull and cigarettes
The taste of prison
The taste of regrets

Day in the parking lot
Alone in thought
Solace found
Freedom now
A saving oasis
Anonymous places

Freedom tasted like red bull and cigarettes
Vacation from prison
A place to forget

Beautiful mind
Found in rhyme
Break free from chains
A life of new ways
Dragon slain
Breezy days

No longer a prisoner
But to my own mind
Still a wanderer
No longer tied

Still remember the taste
Of red bull and cigarettes

Myself or you,
Who am I trying to convince
Never again can I do,
The things that I've done since

You pull the strings of my heart
Why can't I gain control
You play me like a harp
The destruction tune of my soul

A tendency towards
Self destruction
From thoughts and words
Seeking interruption

Anywhere anything
More hurt but more things

Nothing left the same
Carved out on my skin
Your sickly name
Buried deep within

More pain to treat pain
Distraction is a must
Call me insane
Only myself to trust

Lately it's been so
I don't know
So many voices
Too many choices

Battles being fought
Sitting on a corner
Battles of thought
Nobody sees her

Internal vs external
Which is which
A raging inferno
With no off switch

It used to burn
But dull is the hurt
Now it is a custom
Growing accustom

What is pure
Cannot endure
It must grow black
What once was a mansion
Now a shack
Don't even mention
Turning back

Can't go back
Can't go on
So where does that leave us
In the black
Before dawn

Ashes and dust
Return we must
How soon how soon
By the next full moon

Sleep peaceful sleep
Is what we all need
We can't get there
In this miserable nowhere

Sleep sleep
Come to me
Let me breathe
Finally

Sunlight glimmers
The birds cry
Water and earth
Both collide

Peaceful waters
Set in your ways
Time is life's father
Subject to change

Wind howls
Waves crash
The beast growls
Teeth gnash

Forever in this agony
Forever in this rain
Forever it shall not be
It is subject to change

tired legs, winded lungs
weary eyes and dry tongues
yet we go on

chasing and chasing
what, i don’t know
racing, racing
current against boat

all I’m after is what i had
whats history is not past
across the water i see green
velvet black darkness gleams

never to be had
it is not meant to be
the past is in the past
like us lost at sea

Just one lonely pair
Of tracks in the sand
The wind whips my hair
My toes feel the sand

My throat is on fire
The worst kind of burn
Swallowed my desire
Revenge has its turn

My eyes are stinging
So bloodshot and tired
No strength, I'm leaning
Devoid of required
Certain will power
Faith purpose and drive
My mouth has gone sour
Lackluster is life

Monstrous waves crashing
Pushing me farther
The current lashing
Under the water

Will I ever reach
The water surface
Waves crash on the beach
Nobody jealous

Here Under the water
I find my piece of mind
Beneath a broken reflection
Of what I am inside

I don't want to feel
I just want to be numb
I wanted to float
But instead I sunk

I reach for the surface
Grasp desperately for air
But in these depths there is solace
Just pretend you're not there
Body present, soul no where

My skin is bruised
My body abused
Your hands at faults
With torture I waltz

My soul has been used
You stand by amused
I open the door
For you to take more

The walls came down
The fire was lit
In this sea I drown
Can't seem to quit

Stay leave stay leave
Both bring misery
Live breathe live breathe
Hollow for eternity

Why does the ice
Want to melt away
Why roll the dice
With aces and eights

Why does the smoke
Want to rise high
Knowing that it won't
Ever reach the sky

Why seek laughter
In this empty shell
When we know that after
We'll end up in hell

Through my veins
My sweet morphine
I might go insane
In the morning

Oh but I don't care
Do your worst devil
Refuse I wouldn't dare
A chance to be special

I'm a unique grain
Of sand on the shore
A unique drop of rain
In a strong downpour

I'll deal with it tomorrow
Whatever the consequences
I'll rebuild in sorrow
All these broken fences