There I was
Just a little
Aways from
A cliff.

The mossy, rocky, and clay like
Ground,
Swell under my feet.

I stand at the edge
Playfully tipping
Forward and back
On my heels,
Frightening you.

Unlike you
I know
I would never
I just come to
Enjoy
To view,
The landscape
The peace.

And unlike you
I know
I cannot
Control this
Dream.

My nightmare.

You're just shy
Of an inch away
From my hand
That makes my
Hand
Shake and sweat.

Not the regular kind
The kind that
Rattle your teeth
And drench you whole.

I stare at
The picture
I have of you
And sit and
Remember
What hasn't
Happened yet.

You're just shy
Of inching closer.

Can you feel
That I'm
Nervous
Too?

Change to me
Is like winter bringing
Forth spring.
You think you know when
It's supposed to arrive
How it's supposed to feel, smell, look, sound, taste.

But it's never exact
Never always on time
Or in the right spot
But it'll come
Eventually.

The feelings always
Just a little different
From before.

The smell just a little
Darker or lighter
From before.

The season looking
A little brighter, colorful
From before.

The sound just a little
Louder
From before.

The taste too
Sweet to handle, different
From before.

But change
Makes your
Life a little
Simpler if
You let it
Better
From before.

Something that fits
In my palm
Something you don't
want to stomp on
With those feet.
Something so small
I don't know
What it's called
Something so bright
As a
Sweet
Apple
That I wonder
If this something
Is allowed
to be
Swallowed
I pick it up
With my
Tiny fingers
I pop it in
My mouth
Like
what
Mom does
With these things
She calls "pills"
And I swallowed
Then I could not breathe,
And I panicked
Coughed
It stuck in my throat,
Turning me the color
Of the toy
That's
In my throat
And then
Remembered
What it was
Called.

Have people ever
Asked you
Why do you read?
And you say well...
How fun
Would it be
To just
Be in reality,
To live one life?
When I read
I live so many lives
And then comes
When I read
I escape reality,
To my own world,
Where things can be
Possibly possible.
That's where it
Comes to people
Asking,
Why do you write?
And you say,
Well
How fun
Would it be
To just
Be in reality
To live one life?
When I write
I return the favor,
I share my world
With reality
To create
A bridge
From my world
To theirs
To make it seem
Possibly possible.

We have those imperfections
Like mine.

We have those emotions
Like mine.

Mortality that we can't
Bend.

Dreams we don't want to
Band.

I will myself to strive,
I will myself to have faith.

We have violence,
opinions and views,
But another thing
We want
For everyone to stop
And have a clue.

What makes us human?

What's the point?

What makes us so special?

What really makes us
HUMAN?

Music is my daydream
Takes me out
So far
Away
From everyone else
Where I work out the pieces
Of life
In my head
Music will play
The sound so wondrous
I can taste it,
Can see it,
Can touch it,
Not just hear,
No I don't hear
I feel and it takes me
By the hand
And I feel
And I taste
And I see.

The drugs
Whether people
Realize it
Or not
Keep me alive
So full of life
And I crave that
Life
More and more.

And once
I have lost
Control
I realize
I have created
A monster
So malevolent  
And large.

So vastly built
So ready for life
I've been giving it
That I don't want
It anymore.

I continue so far
Till the very end
With no mistakes
In mind.

The number one thing he
Can't see to fix is that he is
The on I can't see.

And the way the sea
Moves reminds me that
I'm on a level he
Can't be.


He reminds me
To move on, though he is
The one I can't see.

I can't seem to remember that he
Isn't only wrong about that but
I'm on a level he
Can't be.

There is so much to key
And the lock doesn't seem to open
The one I can't see.

Its time to be
At least a little with me
I'm on a level he can't be
The one I can't see.

My child Before you were born

I use to eat peaches almost every single day

and now every eve of your birth I eat a peach

on August the 5th Peaches offer a little more friendship

than the cutesy little straight pink flower.

Bring warmth to your belly and the fruit feed more of your soul.

What I mean is I am your mother, the grateful and tender feeling one.

Your friend.

Even when it's my end.

On its own, the meaning of the fruit

in this quiet tone is at once gentler

and stronger in thankfulness.

Gentle is the true meaning of peaches.

Peach is the meaning of desire, my desire to see you succeed

and I know that your true love will too.

My child, I love you.

She stares on cool sapphire blue water.

She sits looking in water and sky.

In gray clouds she hides and plays her game...



Too soon the clouds eventually move on,

And so she waits for the next.



So she sits... setting at her distance.

Trying to come up with another hide,

For she can wait no longer.



She decides.

She hides.



She starts to drift away, sinking.

The water turns black, and the ring around

The pool is blue with bright specks all around it.



Her friend comes upon and does not see her, so

He waits and looks around awhile longer;

Counting as the hours go by.



But he soon becomes tire some, patience dulling,

And he decides to go look some where else.



His blue shining light has faded around the water's

Glass; the waters returns to its true color.



She rises out with her smiles intensely bright...



But he'd be back soon...



Her smiles fade as she begins to hide.

Winter burns with white blue fire.

Sharp and lined with ice.

Hacking of limbs that are bringing joy,

And crones are whispering goodbyes.



Spring’s warmth,

Turn a frown into a wicked smile,

Tapping the patience of it’s neighbor, And spring shuttered beneath it’s defenses.



Summer’s heat

Flicker in hot licking Hells.

Tame tonight,

With a summer’s dream.

Falling down far,

Through a window of pain.



And so autumn,

May it fall it’s wrinkled leaves

It’s colors of Eve.

May it bring you safely down

From world’s disasters.

A heaven instead of Hell,

Inside a seed.

I’m so tired of the superficial

Tired of the cliché  

So tired of the inconsequential repetition.



I was begging you to love me

I have always given you the best of me

But you thank me by stalling

Like the best of me wasn’t enough.



You can’t say a simple word

Just to gratify my heart in the end?



You say you’re finished with me.



Fine.



Either way I swear,

I salute to you.



Because there is this vast mountain to climb boys…

If you’re my guy…

Understand this…



I want an incomprehensible love.

I want you to not stare into my eyes, but my soul.

I want our hearts to be so loud.

I want my brain to go wild, spinning in circles.

I want you to love to hear my name escape your lips.

I want you to miss my voice inevitably.

I want you to hold my hand to never see me frown.

I want you to not be too shy to be grabby and needy,

Just softly hug your smile to mine when it all goes down.



You want to get away from it all?

Get away from the things I live?



Well if you yield to stop

You can forget to publish your mark.

See if I care.

I won’t okay your proclaims.



I will repudiate,

Discard,

Decline,

Refuse,

Jilt that very first day,

I’m not going to dedicate this poem to you.



All I wanted was to be wanted by you

But I was so Naïve,

Before I swore I’d miss you

But things change.



I thought you had helped me find

Who I was supposed to be

But time slows down and she’s all wrong.

I have taken a deep breath and say it’s not true.

See?

Again you confuse me.

So I appoint you a hail to get the hell out.



So I just tweaked my love list,



And I said no to you.



Keep acting cool

Around everyone else

They don’t know what a ***** you are,

Though I wish they did,

But life isn’t like that,

And I say no, no, no.



And I promise you,



You’ll never see me with someone like you again

In the middle of winter,

Its home is ruined



Leafs of pages,

catch them all ablaze.

Burning purple, blue, and white.

Ashes of gray float down with the snow.

And smoke rise high above the peaks of mountains and trees.

All falling down in heaps.



Cracks of thunder dance across the and skim the moons.

Thunder roars it’s mighty roar.

Rain falls a little too late.



Screams of terror echo in caves.

And they’ll cry out to the moons.

Lost without words.

Loneliness burns inside them like stomach ulcers.

Black and white honey and gold and silver like the moon.

It prances to find it’s way.

Only one way to find out,

Wolves.

Graveyard,

You manage to dig up the remarkable feat.

So hold me down,

Or cut me loose.

So bind the strings,

Or set me free.

There is no other advanced nobility.

Finish digging up the earth.

What do you discover?

Do you have the heart to let me go?

Or do you have the heart to hide me whole?

Live or die?

Smile or frown?

Run or sit?

Sun or moon?

I would rather drown

Then have to choose.

I’m sorry,

But I beg you,

Choose.

Some how

You forever seem to know

that if we stretched our minds…



We’d live forever.



Oh,

You spoke about what was on your mind

And at the time

It made sense to follow

What was right



On occasion I’d wonder what to say

Cause you’d be there

And it seemed silly

To watch and stare



Never with the caution

always in the motion.



You never thought the actions

would cost you an extra dosage.



Let me say to you



If you believe in somethin’ good

Believe in somethin’ like



Yourself



‘Cause it’s the only well you’ve got

To my heart.

To the heart…

Of

The open arms.



You can believe in the strangers around you,

but yourself is the truth

the arms

the heart.

And when you truly believe



You’ve got that

That’s like

Havin’ it All

Let sympathy come and

cleanse what you’ve done

to yourself



You always wondered who to come to…

who to blame…

who to love in doubt…



But don’t trust that thought.

Trust your heart

Trust your soul.



I believe your whole.

I see these faces
Everyday
Oneway
Or another
And I'm trapped
Forced to see their
Faces
Once more
But longer
It seems
Each day.

The clock ticks
And the time
Passes surely
But slowly
Getting no rest
Just
Trapped
In class
For hours.

He was a man.
A thief.
It was his true nature.

He was the most beautiful
One of them all.
Had no example
To compare.

Skin and eyes
Brown and dark.
Teeth white as snow.
His scent warm and earthly.
And the feeling of his finger tips
On my skin,
Was almost intimidating.

He was a king now
And I was his queen.
We had all we ever dreamt of
But it wasn't enough
For him.

He was caged in the castle
I knew
He longed to steal
To keep moving
It was his nature.

Before long,
Aladdin was gone.
Leaving me without
A heart.

Time
Is all we have
Before we turn
Into a vuture of a man.
The head of a man
Will turn into a sharp beak
With huge dark eyes that tells
Us about the horror of how he ran out of time.
Lost control.
The horror of turning
Into a vulture of a man.
The body of his skeleton
With pealing green feathers
And skin
The collarbones as sharp as the beak
The ribs as slick as meat
Aged and rotten.
Beckoning to turn
With him,
Into a vulture of a man.
Lastly the arms
One still muscular and vibrant
Another with green
Feathers grown.
Hands that have held our
Time we have left
Will turn into
All full grown
Vulture of a man.

I tried denying the fact,

Tried to carry back,

Who I might have been.



But you ruined me.

Crippled my soul.

Withered the me I could have been.

Now I’ll never know



My splinter soul

You killed for pleasure,

And tomorrow spattered the white walls

As you slaughter her clarity.

Forever, I may as well have known.



My family almost immediately

Had replenished whole,

Got back on their feet,

And begun a smile.

The sadness muted like defeating heat.

Or like clearing fogged, trickling tiles.



I realize I could have ----

Might have… existed better.

Perhaps with a higher feather.

To seize my voyage of safety.



But under the circumstances

That’s not achievable.

Highly improbable.



Much so, I’m not content

On what life left me.

What you left me.



I’m still struggling

To get to my feet.

I’m still in the middle of climbing a mountain,

Suspending to two sides

Of a rope attached to my belt, mounting.

My lifeline.

My sanity.



I want to keep both

In the same two hands.

If I renounce my hold on one,

The other follows.



So I claim in both my hands

What’s mine

I hold tight.

Standing on toes of tips of height

I put my trust to hang on that ledge of fright.



Just barley hanging,

Touching that stonewall.

Trying to stay in one place,

I fear to face,

To blunder.



At times I make the mistake

Of looking down,

And becoming aware.



Terrorized by the height.





Now you see…

I try.

I cry.

I relied on you.

I chose.

I dosed and didn’t see

What you put me through.



You murdered me,

And it’s too late to restore me.

Not with standing away

A single tear drop.

Are you bored of me?



You killed me along with my childhood.

I hope you enjoyed your fatherhood.

Because I was unaware of what you had done.



Did you really love me,

Or was it an act.

The fact

That you couldn’t love was clear,

But I don’t hate you my dear.



Father to daughter,

My love was there.

Something you have to live with

Something you have to recognize you never gave back.

Is that clear?



It’s not my fault?

It’s not your fault?

Then whose is it’s?



That person has to take responsibility,

And give back.

Apologize and beg.



Because I am not my own.

I can’t help, but blame myself.

I have no choice, but to agree

Because there is no individual to aid me.



My recovery can’t be complete

I can’t see the world as whole anymore.

I can’t be forever young, simply full, or pure.



I’m tainted, sour, and broken.

It’s your turn to carry a burden

To know.

How my heart has sorrowfully hardened.

Where I can’t be dependable of anyone so easily.



It’s time we both know

What you truly had done to me.

Work up the tears
That I felt I deserved.
Slice away the pain,
Or **** just fine,
My greatest sins.

Why I am here
Is of those thoughts.
They scare me,
Yet another sin.

You might think
I'm crazy,
But the darkest sins
We're my desire,
But...

Family was important
At least I had thought so.
So many busy thoughts,
A penny too late.

Still I ran
away from temptation.

No one praised me for it,
At least from the other side.

I'm drowning,
In a vast pool of
Water.
Of which,
I'd been
Thrown in.
Being held down,
So short of air,
My lungs about to burst.
The air around me
I won't dare breathe,
Yet soon the panic
Settles in,
And the screaming
Bubbles that hold
My desperate
Pleas for help,
Come up to the very top.
Every,
last,
One,
And I sink faster to the
Bottom.
No one
Heard me.
Even as my
Screams were
Sharper than a blade,
They were dulled by the
Halting water
That consumes me.