I live a shallow life.
No one is willing to submerge too deep.
I see them all around me…
Dancing on the sand,
Their skin hot from the sun,
& burning with romance.
I let them come and go as they please,
Stepping in my puddle by the sea,
Taking away a little at a time,
Leaving me alone…yet free.
I hear the others coming,
Rolling in so gently,
Each just a passerby
Speaking to me eloquently.
I see in the distance the whole that I should be,
But here I wait, unattached…
Just like a puddle by the sea.

Walking in place,
each step, an embrace:
my toes, to the floor,
then heel; once more.
Not forward nor back,
extension, contract:
changing position,
persistent, the stiction.
The weight of the floor,
a shiftable platform
below me, it mocks;
consistent, the clock.
Keeping time, keeping beat,
never complete.
Inside me, the race,
quicker than pace.
Inside me, the surge,
more to discourage:
pumping, through, and again
like steps, now and then.
Forward, though same,
it is here i remain.

You say you can't imagine being without me,
That you love me, and you always have.
That you'll love me forever.
But what is forever?
Is it truly an undying, never-ending sort of thing?
Or is it just something that ends in an instant,
When you decide there's no longer love?
What is forever?
Can forever be defined as a physical happening,
When you hold me as I drift to sleep?
When we stay locked in an embrace, simply staring into each other's eyes?
What is forever?
Is it just a sweet nothing,
Ultimately a lie in the grand scheme of things?
Is it just meaningless words to you?
What is forever?
Is it a far away, distant time?
Is it non-existent, and this love will continue, even after death?
Or is it soon, the blink of an eye?
What is forever?
While I can't imagine being without you as well,
And I know I love you too,
I'm wondering if you could tell me, because you seem to know,
What is forever?;

'what a bright boy', they said. 'what a talented boy', they said.
'what a kind, friendly and thoughtful boy', they said.
the praise flowed smoothly from their lips - effortless;
the flash of a heartwarming smile the only coaxing necessary.

'what a sweet boy', she said. 'what a compassionate boy', she said.
'what an understanding, sensitive and protective boy', she said.
her footsteps fell in rhythmic time with his - effortless;
the warm pressure of his hand in hers the only coaxing necessary.

but the boy found that he was not content with all these things.
they were not masks that he wore, these shimmering attributes.
no lies, no trickery, no illusions cast in a web around the unsuspecting;
they were the unyielding, steadfast, undeniable truth.

.. and that is what troubled the beautiful, charming boy.
that is what furrowed his brow and kept him awake at night,
peering into the shadows deep in thought
while the believers and the bright eyed girl lie fast asleep in their beds.

the wheels in his head turned at a frantic pace, racing endlessly -
thoughts flying in a colored blur faster than his mind could chase them.
love only leads to pain. adoration, to rejection.
passion, to an unrelenting sense of worthlessness.

was it worth the fight? worth the praise? worth the risk?
or was being a shell enough to get by -
a heart still beating,
lungs still churning,
but a heart
safely
hollow?

you feel unworthy/but i assure you/that i have loved you enough/for the both of us.