and so we write.

we write words filled with sadness;
words that flow from our pens like trails of salty tears
from beneath closed eyelids.
we write words bursting with joy;
words that appear on the page
in brilliant cascades of blue ink.

words that speak of love.
words that speak of loneliness.
words that speak of unfathomable bliss
and unimaginable pain.
words that no one wants to hear.
words that we wish would be heard.

onto clean sheets of paper,
we release the words that have scarred us -
words that have cut their way
through layers of skin and muscle and bone
and burrowed deep into our being.

we transcribe our innermost thoughts.
we describe our innermost desires.
we inscribe our stories onto countless pages
declaring,
'i may not be much,
but, i am here.'

I tried to
write
a poem about you
but instead
I scribbled a
big, orange-ink blob
and I figured
that made
just as much sense.

The light coats the rolling hills.
Leaving dense shades in their valleys.
As the soft wind brushes the jade grass
and leaves its print in the land.

The sights, the smells, the senses,
You can almost feel them all.
The warm summer air on your cheeks.
The sweet scent of roses.

But after the first frost
only the memories remain.
Sleeping only to return
Laying dormant in the cold

But the warmth stays in your heart
You yearn for it, you dream of it to return.
But nobody should dream of soft summer winds
While the frost still coats the vales and hills.

i'm one quiver away from an opening act -
one clutch of the sheets from a bottle of red wine.
i'm three scratches away from new york city,
and a whisper or two from the top of the world.

i can't feel your hands moving rough against my skin,
but i can feel the chords snaking their way through my veins.
i can't see your ceiling fan working its lazy way in circles
or the crack in your wall from too many nights of rain,
but i can see the silhouettes of a full house through a film of smoke
settled just below the track lights.
i can't hear your breath catch or my name fall from your lips,
but i can hear whistles and catcalls and the ring of a telephone.

tell them i'm on my way. tell them i'll catch a plane.
tell them they made the right choice this time.

choke me, fill me, scar me, **** me.
i'll bleed, but the headlines will  be worth it.

I’m not sure there are words for this
It is like suddenly finding out your heart is hard and hollow
Like a shell
And the heaviness in your chest goes without explanation

It is like these arms are revolving doors
For bodies that will not stay

It is like phantom limbing lips that aren’t yours
And maybe you kiss your own shoulder to remember the feeling

It is telling a chat-room ******* you love her
And almost meaning it
But you could never tell anyone else about the relationship
She says she loves you back
To everybody

There is the silence
In the spaces between sleep
When your thoughts take you places that are not calm

There is the mirror at the gym that you sometimes look into for too long

There is you without the words to be honest so you come on too strong

On the non-tattooed side of my chest
Are childhood surveys
Check if you like me
Check if you don’t
Please leave a 500 character minimum explaining
Your reaction to your most recent encounter
Thank you and remember
I only aim to please

There is this fancy worded poetry
With bits of her body tucked in between lines
So that when I speak them I might get to taste her

It is the broken record of your confidence
And no one has moved the needle

Sometimes you separate yourself from it
But you can’t even name it
It isn’t lonely
It is speechless
It just sits and feels
So you try to feed it
But it doesn’t eat

Sometimes you come close
But the words sit awkward in your mouth
Fall out like blocks

But they have no weight
So they don’t hit hard enough

All I know is that when I look at her
I feel the exact opposite

But there are no words for that either

I know why I don't write anymore,
everything I write is dull and out of pain.
Nothing new, nothing amazing, nothing even worth while.

I apologize if you're reading this new *******;
wasting your time if you want to be inspired here.

I used to have a strength,
that picked me up every time I fell,
but I don't have the will to even try anymore.

It's never worth it anyways.

Maybe it will be easier now.

Easier and Numb.

Why should I bother, when it never amounts to what I aim for?
I've lost the want,
to be better than I am.

Now I'm just rambling;
just looking for a reason to actually hit delete on my account,
and I truly have plenty.

It's sad frankly,
in my writing this,
I'm asking someone to give me a reason to belong,
which is pathetic to me.

I'm not a beggar,
but no longer a fighter.
What does that leave me with?

The honest,
heartfelt truth,
is the hardest to except.

The truth,
that I can fall if I want to,
and I don't expect anyone to help me up.

I'll watch you walk away from me,
I won't judge you for it;
I expect it.

With that one look as you pass,
I see the truth in your eyes.

So go ahead and say it.

Go on, tell me this is ****.
Tell me I can't do it.
Tell me I'm pathetic.
Tell me I just want attention.
Tell me I'm wasting my time.
Tell me everything you want,

because I already know.
I already agree with you.


I finally agree with you.

Congratulations my dear.
You win.

I am there
Wishing that if I pressed my fingers to your lips
I could understand the broken Braille of your breath
When your throat locks in the noise

Gentle butterfly gut
Fanning flames over burning cinderblocks in your belly
I am there

When you wished the moon in a rearview mirror
Heading west
Wondering if you really could go far enough to see its dark side
When you wanted to turn back
I was there

When she drank razorblades
And Tylenol ink
Into a botched suicide note
I was there

This is the journey

When he wondered when he could hold somebody again
Like a waterbed full of blood
Without the motion sickness
I was there

Every moment y’all
Of your ***** sacred
I want to be there
So when you see that this place is so big
And you are so small
And our souls might be stardust and minerals
Burning blue so far away
At least you’re not alone

Your body is built for love
She said
Beer breathed and true
I smiled
I was there

Kiss me with your car parts
DUI this knee buckle
I want to be tried and arrested
Spit out and spanked
And I will still kneel before you
And praise all that is good in you
Because you are holy

Every moment of you is holy

I was there
Begging to be baptized by your presence
Because in a place so big
I don’t want to feel so alone anymore

I want to kiss you
I want to kiss you
Like you are better
Than everything you’ve ever done
You are

I was there
When the world inside your breastplate
Spun natural disaster
And sunshine
Anvil remorse
And sweet laughter
When I held you
Any of you
And our worlds
Vibrated a conversation only our souls could understand

I was there
And all we could speak was “LOVE”
All we could speak was “Us”