Kairee F

Kairee F Dec 2019

There is a heaviness in my shoulders
when I pull into the complex,
a seeking sense I can’t seem to shake.
I park but don’t move;
There must be something inside a note
or lyric
that has some answer,
but it falls short,
just like every night that preceded this one.
I turn off the ignition to hear a silence
that screams too loudly.
I journey to the door,
and the passing of my feet across the threshold
is my emotional “off” switch.

For now
it is out of my hands.

Kairee F Aug 2019

Views of Heaven

I’ve watched sunsets
over oceans,
by lakes,
reflecting off of lighthouses,
blazing in deserts,
and while resting on mountaintops,
but…
Even though the view from here can’t compare…
there is nothing like watching the sunset
from home
on a Sunday
with the evening dew beginning to wet my feet
and the buzz of nocturnal insects
singing from the trees.

Kairee F May 2019

Roots

The countryside has a way of slowing down time.
The crashes of each raindrop against the leaves beside me
drum a beat that silences the clatter in my head.
I close my eyes and just breathe.
The grass’s dewy aroma is the sweetest perfume
I have ever encountered,
and the absence of street sounds is deafening.
The cool draft against my skin as this swing slowly sways
back and forth…
b
    a
         c
             k
                  a
                  n
                  d
            f
         o
      r
   t
h
is the guardian angel keeping me at peace.

I had forgotten what this feels like.

Kairee F Apr 2019

How can you take care of yourself and others at the same time?

I spent years
learning how to
put my mental health first,
only to feel
like a selfish fool
when I need to act
on those instincts.

Kairee F Apr 2019

A Piece Without a Puzzle

My house is filled with pictures
of people I never see,
keeping its aura of eerie serenity
and complacent loneliness
so perfectly crafted
that when I find the devil on my shoulder,
screaming its whispers of sweet nothings,
****** every millimeter of my eardrum,
reverberating,
trying to minimize me into
an absolute
non-existence,
I almost believe him,

but the beating I feel under my sternum,
the one that keeps my eyes alert
and my cheeks pink
and my chest slowly lifting up and down...
even when those assaulting words
gnaw their way inside of each crevice
of each lobe
of the brain that’s constantly playing defense...
that beating is the tempo
to a lullaby
whose lyrics remind me
that God made my timeline different for a reason.

Kairee F Jan 2019

Roadside Sights

Fierce,
independent,
cunning,
and valiant
is the owl
who lay perched on a branch
in the dead of winter,
nearly-freezing rain
flooding it’s feathers,
with a resilient gaze forward
into the forthcoming chaos,
unblinking,
waiting,
watching,
living.

Kairee F Oct 2018

The Sunset Over Indian Fort Mountain

I think I’m jealous of the sun.
All it has to do is spread the multicolored ribbons it has as arms
and settle over the horizon
to fill each individual who steals a glimpse in its direction
with an uncontrolled,
self-actualizing
knowledge of how small,
yet how incredibly crucial,
their existence is
to the universe.