In that moment she realized they are nothing.
In that moment she realized he doesn't love her, and he doesn't want to.
In that moment she realized she roams outside his walls.
In that moment she realized she's built her own.

Sometimes, we build walls because we don't want to let people in.
The risk of pain is too much to handle.
Sometimes, we build walls because we want to see
Who will work to break them down.
And sometimes, we build walls because we want to prove to ourselves
Who we desire to break them down.
And when that person fails to do so,
We find ourselves surrounded by loneliness and despair,
Pasting a plastic smile on our face,
And we have no choice but to drown ourselves in pain,
Because finding our way back would mean we have to feel anything but numb.

And in that moment, she realized she's still naive enough to continue holding on.

In all my life,
In all my time,
I have never felt worse about myself.

I ruin lives
While doing nothing at all,
But missing,
and listening,
and praying,
and loving.
By being.

I'm a burden.

I needed you today.
I caught only air when trying to wrap you in my arms.

I needed you today.
I needed to feel you lift my chin
And look deep into my eyes as if you were looking straight into my soul.
The way you always do.

I needed you today.
I needed to hear your soothing voice whisper, “Everything will be ok,”
To drown out the yelling and fighting in the room next door.

I needed you today.
I needed to feel your embrace, your protection, your love,
Helping me escape the taunting sobs two walls away.
I needed you to dry my own tears,
To let me bury my face in your shoulder.
I needed the simple comfort of your warmth next to me.

Can you feel it?
Do you hear it?
My heartbeat.
Because I still know the sensation of yours against my ear
As I lay my head upon your chest,
Closing my eyes,
Sinking into that moment and wishing for its eternity.

Can you feel it?
Do you hear it?
My presence.
I’m with you every day,
Though you would never know.

I close my eyes and see your sweet, captivating grin,
Your tender, mesmerizing eyes.
I search for silence, hoping to hear your voice.

I can still feel your fingertips brush against my skin.
I can still feel your hand run through my hair.
I can still feel my heart race with a glance at your image.
I can still feel everything that ever involved you.
Yet, I can’t,
For it is just a memory,
And I long to feel it again.

I summon strength from somewhere inside on most days,
But today?
I needed you –
More than I ever have in our time apart.

I needed you today.
But I cannot let myself run to you,
For I love you far too much.
And my love is your burden.

I needed you today.

In a dark, cold chamber with a lock on the door
Lay the shattered, glass pieces of her heart on the floor.
Feeling so alone, deceived by so many lies,
The girl couldn't halt the tears streaming from her eyes.
At one point in time, that glue might have held,
Glue that fixed the heart the first time it fell,
But no dream could be true, so she built up those walls,
'Cause she found the truth: she didn't matter at all.
Sure, they were still friends. Sure he may care,
But he'd never feel the same, and life refused to be fair.
So young and naive and already heartbroken,
Bleeding from the wounds of words left unspoken -
Not those of her own, for she made her say,
But of those who forgot to feel, forgot to love, forgot to stay.
Just sixteen years old, and she already fell,
-Fell from love, fell from loss. Could anyone hear her yell?
Was there anything out there to let these pieces break free?
To be whole? To unlock? To listen to her plea?
But soon something changed. An unknown presence came through.
Someone knocked on the door. Someone's out there, but who?
Feeling locked in some cellar, this heart shivered in fear
As the **** began to turn. Could this mystery be clear?
But hope was let down when the girl realized
The chamber was locked with the heart still capsized.
Suddenly, some dim light conquered the dark,
Commencing as small, but came a fire from that spark.
In flooded those brilliant, bright, bold, beams of light,
But the girl held back, not ceasing her fight.
Then gently a hand took the pieces from the floor,
The pieces of a heart thought broken forevermore,
The pieces that seemed so lost, so broken, so torn apart,
The pieces of this dark, shattered mess of a heart.
The warm, caring hands then took out the glue
And placed them together, making them new.
So strong, yet so gentle. So tough, yet so tender.
The calm, warming arms embrace her and mend her.
And clenched in the hands that held her so tight,
The girl locked out from all else 'til tonight,
Was what changed wounds and bruises to scars of the past,
Healing every ache, every pain this heart had to last.
In his hand was the key that opened the door,
Sending light, love, and laughter - a locked chamber no more -
The key making all of the confusion disappear,
Clearing obstruction, destroying her fears.
But who is the prince who rescued her heart?
Who is the boy that made pieces one part?
Who is this knight that rides by her side?
The hero she loves, whose feelings won't hide?
Whose hand holds the key, makes her dreams come true?
She lifts her head to see... It's indescribable you.

I used to live on Cloud Nine,
Where the cold, black darkness fades into white,
A place where love should never hurt,
And all troubles rest far out of sight.
I used to live in Truth,
Where the sweet bliss of love can never lie,
A place where the bearer of your heart
Forbids relapse and a love that can die.
But here I stand, knocked down
From my perfectly paved clouded retreat,
Betrayed by the boy who promised no pain,
And my heart is breaking in desperate defeat.

No longer am I living in full, but a living fool was made out of me.

Here I stand, in shock and pain,
Shaking, shivering in the sudden rain.
Here I stand, my stomach in knots,
My heart in my throat, distressed, distraught.
Here I stand, tears stinging my eyes,
Asking when will there be none left to cry.
But here I stand, holding on,
Searching for some kind of will to stay strong.
My one and only, my very best part,
The keeper of the key that opens my heart,
My love, my life, my very best friend,
How can you tell me its time for the end?
Like a wild beast in the dead of night,
Like a crash landing of an eagle in flight,
Like a deadly disease losing its cure,
My dreams turn to nightmares, and I to a blur.
Choose me, amuse me, abuse me, use me.
Still somehow, I'm shouting that you can't lose me.

I can’t build walls.
And I don’t have a switch.
So let this be.
Let this be.

Feel everything,
Yet I’m feeling nothing.
Just let this be.
Let this be.

Don’t look.
Don’t speak.
Don’t hear.
Don’t think.
Don’t yearn.
Don’t crave.
Don’t care.
Don’t cry.

Listen to the sweet, scathing sound of silence.
And don’t remember.

Just lock it up.
And let it be.
Time won’t alter anything.

I don’t believe in fate, that any soul is predestined for another.
I don’t believe in coincidence, that we subsist by some sort of chance.
I don’t believe in soul mates,
And I don’t believe in luck.
I believe in faith.

Daring divinity screams my name, and I cannot let myself escape.
Some unknown force guides my thoughts, my actions, my emotions, my desires
–My everything.

No, I don’t believe in fate.
I believe in us.

There is a plan,
And I cannot explain.
I just let it be.

I cannot flip the switch to off,
For I’m incapable of closing myself away,
Of dancing with death and absence,
Of walking with lonely and numb.

I cannot flip the switch to off,
Lest I lose myself once more.
Happiness isn’t achieved this way,
But the lying whispers of false satisfaction.

“Off” will never solve; It will only prolong.

Let me feel,
Let me bleed,
Let me fall,
Let me break,
Let me crumble,
Let me rise,
Let me fight,
And let the cycle run.
At least I know I’m living.

“Off” is the risk you take.
But I dare you to change your ways.