What’s that one thing you’d fall completely in love with over and over again?
Is it a feeling? Is it a sound? A person?
Could it be the morning light that you catch seeping into your room from the partially opened shutters right when you open your eyes and relax your weak arms from that brutal stretch? The way the room automatically becomes a shade of blue from the cloudy sky?
Maybe the way you feel when you take a perfect glance at your surroundings,
that feeling of relief.
Relief because not only are you waking up alive but,
to a room that glows with “New start” written all over it.
You’re not just slouching there like a room full of sorrow just hit you in the face. You’re thinking all things bright and beautiful are coming today.  In that moment, I don’t need your help. I don’t need your sympathy. You’re not even a use to me anymore in that moment because I’ll be by myself at the end of the day.
You’re not my possession.
Honestly, you shouldn't even be important but, you seem to always know your way around this town. All I’m saying is at that moment, nothing matters, not you or this ****** up world. But, at the same time everything matters. And you’re not on that list, just my coffee and I in this room for the rest of the day.

There were huge questions hanging before me
while I was strolling early morning in the park:
Why can't I get you out of my mind?
Why am I even in love with you?

It was his whisper that made everything clear.
The moon's embrace gathered more in gravity.
It was more than just a voice,
it was a soul reaching for mine.

It was his eyes that made me gasped for air.
They were telling me he loves me, it was real,
it was a fairy tale.
That every time I see them sparkle, I find my heartstrings
dance with glee.
That all the time I stare and blush, his secrets were revealed.
It was true love.

The smile he does kills me with butterflies.
That laugh he makes gives me such feeling sweeter than candy,
making me sure, I love everything about him.
Making me sure, he'll wait for me.

I wonder all the time if we are even real
He was too good to be true
A prince perhaps that came from the sun's magic
Am I princess now then? It's so unreal.

His hands were warm, his face is perfect,
every scar and imperfections were more than just it
I would leave a trace, and there memories are formed.
And those moments are left unsaid for they are just only
for us, just us. Love and forever.

When I was walking in the park, daffodils started singing
it was night then, the stars were staring at me.
They started to speak words my heart only understood
"He loves me, I love him, we are Forever"

And there I stood alone, asked myself again:
Why am I even in love with you?
And all these reasons are just nothing
for then I realized the real answer:

**I love you because of you. You alone.

i fall asleep at six in the morning on weekends,
but through the weeks i collapse as as soon as
ten.

i think ***** has become my new lover,
he leaves hickeys, caked like dried
paint.
he doesn’t disappoint, slurring in words
heavy and foamy.

you are mad.
(because i no longer need you)
but i will crave you until my insides
**** the earth.

maybe that is why being sober for too long
scares me.
we always preach about never becoming our
parents, yet before we realize it we are talking, eating like them.
my mothers boots are too tight.
i think your fathers fight just right.

you miss me now, because all you have is my ghost.
and i hope she haunts you every step of the way,
because for three years you
haunted
me.
and i still can’t fall asleep without
drowning within
you.
i hate sleeping alone.
i hope you do too.

I love the way I wear Timberlands and Docs like I'm an original, and I think that they make me seem edgy.
I love the way I hum tunelessly on the bus and mouth lyrics instead of singing them because I can't sing.
I love how free I feel when it's cold, and how I run down the centre of my road when it's dark and spin around with my arms out like angel wings.
I love the way I notice my own little habits and wish that someone would notice them too, then give me a cup tea and let me snuggle whilst wearing a big jumper.
I love the way I think that love can fix people, even though I know it breaks us.
I love the way I refuse to talk about feelings, and yet they are always there, churning on the tip of my ******* molten chaos.
I love the way I hate myself 80% of the time and love myself for the other 20%
And I love the way I find loopholes and beauty and wish for everyone else because I want people to be happy more than I want to be.
I love how I'm not perfect or skinny or pretty and I love how I'll never be loved, but I love so, so much how, even though I've had so many impediments, I've kept going, and I love how, still, through all this; I can learn to love myself.

It was always a grocery store
or shopping mall
when I imagined the first time I would see you again
we might have happened to turn down the same aisle and turned to see each other
I would have asked you how you were
we would exchange lies about how we were okay
great even, moving on and not looking back
shift slightly to cover up our new scars
and try to smile
I would ask if you were happy
you would say: yes
I would say: good
and after we parted I would decide I am much better off without you by my side

But last night was the first time in 6 months that I had heard your voice
it infiltrated my subconscious
snaked its way around my throat so I couldn't breathe
if you still had my heart it wanted so bad to come back to me I felt it racing in my chest; running for safety
my eyes met your eyes
you smiled, a sad smile
and waved
and I just….waved back
shaking
you knew me too well not to notice
but  still
you left
I fell to the ground
a blur of people and arms around me
and I think I cried
maybe
I should have yelled after you
"I keep all my promises"

&

"I miss you too much to forget"