Stop-
the drumming of your thoughts,
the ticking of the anxiety,
(your head, why does it twist so sharply?)
and let this one idea resound in the abandoned highway
(click)
alone.

Like a shiver that warms,
(click, twist, snap)
as much as it acknowledges the presence of cool
let this idea *****
a neat pin-hole
in your bundle of cloth.

Hear this:
I need not know your past,
only what you can remember.

(click)

I need not know your crimes,
only what you regret.

Only
what you
can remember.

(click.... click)

Where, like a loving mother
can I sponge off the blood and grime?

Here, in this musty bathroom,
all I can see the thin layer of sweat,
the scrunched muscles in your face,
your hands,
and the way they interlock those sooty Legos together,
apart,
together.

Evelyn
you flew out with the day's wind
and the sparrows
were the only family
to see your mouth dry
in the buoyant moon

The flies
with their translucent wings
flew about your
open lips
catching particles of light
in their flaky, blue, gold, red, violet veins
upon their lovely wings
which graced their delicate black clothed bodies

They
were dressed for this
once-in-a-lifetime occasion
but not I,
in my red itchy face
and cotton gown

I took you by the hands
(my feet numb and covered in inky grass)
telling you things
only mother would care to hear
the unfiltered hiccups
and childish
wake-ups, and a simple
"close your mouth"

My father and uncle
took your sock-covered feet
and we lifted you,
took you to the light
which filled your mouth
we placed you in a stiff wooden chair

Your mouth closed then
and your eyes remained open
your crinkly hands dropped
settling into your lap
and for a moment
you were alive

Come again into the sea
let the salt sting your eyes
and cry your tears of joy
and seaweed tangle your feet
and sand, wash away with the tide
until you are as clean as a newborn
for you are born again

let the water soften your skin
and give you little wrinkles

Dive into the depths and peer at the mysteries below
come with me, for this I know
we belong in the waters wide
and swimming far, down low
push fault and fear aside
and with the days you’ll grow

Oh, come with me to laugh and blow bubbles to the surface where they’ll pop
like little orbs of mirth all innocent and sweet
for these are the sweets of the sea

and splash in the waves and sing melodies and laugh ‘till you can’t stop
like pure sunshine in our ears, immortal in our memories
and we can pretend to be immortal until we die

and breath in the clean air
and stare at fishes fair
and the unknown creatures rare

Come again into the sea
and dive deep down,
until all you can imagine is the water
surrounding you
becoming you
cleansing you
keeping you

Come again, for I am lonely,
and the water can be cold
I need another person
a warm body to love and hold  

and stay, for I know you’ll want to go
but don’t, please don’t
many did, so long ago

Dew 'neath the eyes
become teasing images that lack substance
but I am sightless
my home is black, colored only for those who bring their lanterns,
never shifting, but drifting
turning accidentally back,
and I, not the right degree drift,
find a face I'd thought I lost-

don't wind the clock
or leave the key
where I may see it

if you insist,
if I am your guest,
give me rooms covered in seaweed from the oceans coffin
where I may drift unharmed, untouched

your rooms,
scorched by the warm ice,
giving views to the otherlands,
where motionless green beasts ponder their actions,
filled with water,
yet never willing to give,
spiking those that dare,
those, desperate and dehydrated enough to dare..
those are for the wild,
who need pain to quench their need for adventure,
mules in a constantly shifting land

no, I want cool floors of laminaria,
they'll squelch beneath these pale feet of mine,
and, as I gather dew,
calm my feverish scalp

We've got an old way
of working things out
and an old life
(we are young, sister)
though you say we're young
(I never lie)
but how could we be
since that old dusty memory
is clear…. clear… clear
(ah, yes, you see we're young)

And I didn't say I didn't care
I just want to forget...
and would heaven
be at our door
if it never had happened
(Is that a question?)
well why did it happen?
just to us
(just to us, both of us)

When I am home
I get shivers
and cold feet
as they touch
where he had fallen
and you are out drinking
(I am always here)
as I am sinking
and the fat ugly droplets won't fall
they're weak things tugging at my scalp
if they fall, I can rest
(you sleep better than me)
I want them gone
but my skin is a cage is a desert
(darling, face it.  You have dry eyes and a messed-up conscience-)
and whatever tries to seep out
evaporates into nothingness
why had this happened to me?
(you mean us, you silly girl)

What can come from tragedy-
this is no blessing in disguise
(it was bound to happen)
and your eyes are that of an old man's
(our eyes.  Looked into the mirror recently?  I think not)
yes we are older than him now
headhunters gather strength in their victims
we gather age
(we are young, don't lie to us)
chained together by skin
(bound together is a better word)
invisible to the eyes of others
you sit, ghostlike in the bar
(I haven't had a drink in years!)
Sometimes coming back to the skin we share
you are my sister
my blind spot
(the intelligent side, come to think of it)
the dirt on my tongue
which I haven't found a way to spit out yet
you crunch under my teeth
(you are the dirt, the whiner, the pessimist
the man was a worthless criminal.
I saw him dreaming of us.
and I cannot digest his foul thoughts,
I knew him better than you
I saved our life.)

Hey.
I saw you
cutting yourself in your eyes
and shedding pain
wet drops
that stained your skin
leaving red trails of salt
marking you within
as something else

you had painted your skin
a different shade

I can’t cave
I heard in your head
crashing against the backs of your eyes
making you tear up
making people stare
I wondered
I wish I had wondered aloud

You left.
and did not come back,
found comfort in someone else’s arms
not that you knew mine were here,
hoping, wanting
-until feeling passion so intense
it could be felt as pain-
to brush away your humiliation,
calm your hands from clenching it’s shovel,
to fill the hole you’d dug,
and smooth your knotted brow

the heated knife of frustration,
and hot-blooded fervor
was legible in your eyes

as legible as the tears,
and the pain

I would.
If you had known
If you had asked
I silently whispered, pleading until my hands were cold and white in the December morning
I’m here, I’m here, turn your head, I’ll give you what I can
but I should have said my hopes aloud,
exposed myself as more than the bystander,
exposed myself as someone who wanted to be more
in a life that was more important
than you thought it was