I’m at that point where
chopping my face off with an axe would be nice

I’m uncomfortable
not like pins and needles no
more like i’ve been standing in line
too long
needing to change my ******
wet socks in dry shoes
uncomfortable

I can’t believe the ******* ****
that comes from lips
and my face
my laughter is all wrong
all the things i say
all wrong like
a failed test i studied so hard for

I’m at that point where i’m ready to
unzip
myself from head to toe to brain
make me new in every way, every hair
change my name
change my voice

the narrator of my thoughts
make her real
make her out of silicone
pour her over me and let her harden

this body i’m in
this person talking out loud is not me
she’s
NOT
ME
SHE IS NOT ME
SHE IS NOT ME SHE IS NOT ME SHE IS NOT ME SHE IS NOT ME

take me out WITH A BAT
and then take me out

in your car

I felt the horse’s heart in the grass
on some pasture that won
the hearts of settlers long ago
I felt the horse’s heart in the grass
I heard it pound  
I lifted the dirt
pound by pound
to get to it

I felt the horse’s heart in the sternum of the man
in the throat of his wife
on some farm that was won
with wives and horses

I felt the horse’s heart
splayed out in the grass on its side
where the wife lied
where she lied on her side

I felt the horse’s heart as it whined
in the sternum of the man
against her throat

I felt the heavy
angry red metal
horse’s heart in the grass
on some patch of seedy land
that was not won
that was **taken

it takes a cat to **** a mouse
and so i was just that
unbuttoning the hooks of your blouse  
i killed the spiders, the roaches, the rats

and left birds like tokens at your door
for the  hunger pains
we ate them crossed on the **** carpet floor
they sang morning songs in your brain

and i purred to watch how your ears inclined
how the critters curled in your paws
and how your eyes took diamonds just like mine
chewing on your claws

i wished for eagles in our traps
when the birdsong was too slow
and brought back the spiders, the roaches, the rats
they bit your ankles, your arms, in between your toes