Why?

why am i human so that i can have feelings?
why do i have feelings that lead to me getting hurt?
why do i always end up getting hurt?
why does my hurting turn into depression?
why is my depression such deep sorrow?
why is it sorrowful to stay alone and watch something that entertains you?
why does society feel that there's a reason to disturb a peaceful soul?
why is that soul truly peaceful?
does the soul have what it wants?
does the soul have what its needs?
does the soul lack?
why does lacking leave such a gap in our our?
why is it so hard to find something to bridge the gap and fill the void?
what if i never find the key that fits the lock?
what if i die depressed?
what if i stay locked away in my house confined by bitter happiness?
what if i never found peacefulness?
what if i never got hurt?
what if i never dug a hole into depression?
what if i never felt for someone?

then i've never loved,
i've never loved you, never loved her, never loved it, never loved what i did or the way i did things.

imma just sit here and assume.........

you don't remember who sat next to you not knowing u but helping u with your self esteem issues, the same person that instead of taking advantage of you took advantage of helping u

you don't remember who you stayed on facetime with for two days when they were home alone, cracking jokes, talking, relating, being friends

you don't remember who showed you the positives of your life, why u should embrace who you are

you don't remember who showed u that love you needed when no one else showed it, when u would hang up our calls to cry so no one would know how u felt

you don't remember who u poured out your heart to when it was broken and needed to fix

you don't remember who fixed it, called you everyday, checked on you throughout the day, dropped everything when u called

you don't remember why u loved me or when we were in love

you don't remember or probably don't know the amount of pain i went through falling for you even though i knew falling hurts

you don't remember who complimented u when u weren't use to it

you don't remember what made me find interest in you not ****** pleasures but the way u lived your life

you don't remember who fell in love with your insecurities because they we negligible

you don't remember the guy that sat down on two calls and talked to both your parents

you don't remember not having friends and i was your only friend

but what u do remember is when i ******* up and things i said

you do remember cursing me out because of what i use to be like

but what did we gain from this
three years of being friends and what's to be accomplished?

your self esteem is somewhat fixed, your happier, you have friends,

but me i'm stuck in a black hole attempting to get out

and right now i can't get out

i want someone that loves me and embraces my mistakes not scolds me for them.

but i guess i'm not perfect enough for you :(