i don't know why but I decided to write
as and i opened up my notes and began to think about what to say,
after a few seconds your name came up on my screen for the first time in a very long time
coincident or not? all my other poems were about you
ive tried replacing what you ripped out inside of me with alcohol and drugs
i tried to find a new addiction, ****** another guy even
but it always has been and will be you, you're the one i want to be with
i could of seen us together for years, starting a family even
but now you are going down a bad path and I wish I could save you from it
I loved you and that's pretty much how it is and always will be
Until I can find a new addiction that will satisfy me like you did

i miss you R

Intoxicated and burnt, you looked like my past. The bruising memories and stories I tried to make last.

Rising from your ashes I have changed, threw away the narcotics and washed off the stains.

Comfortable and warm, he felt like the sun. He looks like my future and maybe the one.

you can drain the life out of me
but alcohol will always remain in my veins

****

I could take away all our memories
Take another shot to forget
I could run away into the trees
Tell the story of how we met

Get so blind drunk I end up in a bed
Telling a stranger of how my heart was bleeding
Tell myself what has happened is all done and said
Cry so much I find myself missing

I tried to forget your eyes and lips
The promise you made before we did it
I still haven't told anyone, your hands were on my hips
It wasn't until after, when my feelings hit

You effect me in every way, it's not just my heart
My head keeps spinning and I'm hiding in the dark
You've thrown me away and I'm tearing apart
Let's take this back to the first time in the park

I've changed who I'm talking about
I've had too much heart break for my own good
All I know is that I'm filled with constant doubt
You broke me apart and I knew you would

****** whispers into my ear,
'come closer, I want you here'
pulls me closer and our lips first touch
his tongue is rough, but it's not enough
hands grabbing my waist, my *******
don't stop now, no time for rest
I feel it against me, our bodies grinding,
he lifts up my leg, were in perfect timing
he pulls me close and slides it in,
back and forth, my head starts to spin
slow or fast
I want this to last
all night long
this is where we belong

black tear drops
bleeding heart stops
time to say goodbye
for the last time

Suffocated underneath the waves of blue,
Sinking down each second searching for you,
Hooks casting into the cold water surrounding me,
Clasping on, being reeled up into the shallow seas,
Hoping you would be there looking into the water,
Choosing me, over her.

I don't want to fall in love again,
Because I remember when he broke my heart,
I remember what time it was,
And I can't forget the way it took me 6 ******* months to move on,
I don't want to fall in love again,
Because it hurts thinking about kissing another,
He left my lips ripped and teared,
And they still aren't healed yet,
I don't want to fall in love again,
Because they say things your dad will never say,
And show you love from a man that you never knew,
I don't want to fall in love again,
Because when you look into his eyes,
You'll see pools of stories and fountains of memories that they won't reveal

And I don't want to fall in love again,
When he won't fall back in love with you

I keep thinking you'll change your mind
And drop me like he did
You'll meet someone beautiful and kind
I have no chance, who am I to kid

I decided to write a poem about you,
To express my feelings,
But as I put pen to paper,
I realised I didn't know what to write,
So I started reminiscing memories,
The way you smile when you look at me,
It's the kind of look you only see once in a lifetime,
And now I realise I don't want to share any of our other memories
Because a smile of yours is enough
To write a whole poem about

I used to be afraid of the dark,
Walking down my hall way at night.
Trees howling, falling pieces of bark,
Couldn't go anywhere without turning on a light.

So last night I walked down the hallway
I didn't turn around when I heard a sound,
Because I felt safe knowing that you weren't far away,
I fell asleep, knowing finally, I have been found

you sat down on the grass across from me after a night of romance
the sun when behind your messy hair casting a halo of golden sunlight
and in that moment I knew you had to be mine and that I'm going to take a chance
I didn't have to try or pretend with you, everything was perfect, it feels right

why am I so ******* vulnerable

What does silence feel like?
Silence feels like waiting at a train station at 3:00am.

What does silence look like?
Silence looks like seeing your dad walk out the door again.

What does silence taste like?
Silence tastes like cold leftovers from the night before.

But worst of all
Silence is seeing someone you love, with someone else.

getting back into old habits
you don't need a diagnosis to be out of your head
you either get high on drugs and take a few hits
or slice up your thighs until you see red

My lips are dry from the amount of times I've bitten them
Trying to stop myself smiling every time I saw your face
You're the ray of sunshine reflecting a windows ledge
The million dollar diamond prize, the greatest race

I feel your eyes on my back
You come in different forms
Your claws trace the wall, ready to attack
Your growls echo like thunder storms

I can't remember if that was a dream or not
But I know I definitely saw something tonight
You have always been present, I just forgot
I fear the day I see you in plain sight

I will never feel the same again
You left me half satisfied
I know you're the perfect ten
But that doesn't mean you should've lied

I wish we could've made love
And sorted out our emotions
But they pushed you away with a quick shove
And now I'm left with no remaining notions

if I killed myself tonight
what would you do
would you feel regretful
that you never said you loved me
or that you never felt the same way
and you were sorry for everything
but you never got the chance to say it
would you come to my funeral
would you cry for me
because if you died
I'd die too
and I wouldn't be able to go to your funeral
because i'd be lying in a grave next to you
and even though you'll never talk to me
i am still in love with you
and everything I do is for **you

the relationship was fake
you didn't feel her embrace
I was the last one you touched
so why is it that you have crushed
my heart all over again
I wanted to be more than a friend
you promised to message me
please don't disappear and flee
you're the only one I desire
a relationship built on fire
come over tonight and make me smile
even if it's only for a little while

The feeling is coming back to me
The urge to slide the blade across a vein
When your eyes are full of tears so clouded
It's the only thing to comfort my pain

And it's not to do with him or her
It's not to do with the ones who attack
But the ones who help you up may also prefer
To stab you with a knife in your back

I'm sick of coming home to a mind
Racing and worrying about people who don't make the effort to call
That's why I've been looking, trying to find
Someone to be my one and all

I'm not trying to replace anyone
I just want some alone time to find myself
And if you see me sitting alone, please don't come
I'm happier to be put up on a shelf

I feel sorry for you,
I know all you really want is someone who will listen.

I can see the dark clouds hanging over your head, casting blue,
But you put on a mask and walk around like your on top of the moon.

I hope you find someone who will care,
Even though we both know that I'm the only one who understood.

But you played the game, and you didn't play fair,
I feel sorry for you, because no one would've loved you, like I could.

it's 8:00am and i'm on my way to school,
the bus is crowded, full of people so cruel.

at 11:00am i've had my first subject,
how do people make friends, it's so hard to connect.

i made it to 3:00pm to take the bus home,
finally a place where I can be alone.

at 7:00pm we have dinner, its so quiet,
all shallow conversation, like we are strangers who just met.

by 10:00pm i'm lucky to be here,
drowned in my own tears i'm consumed by fear.

2:00am and I can't feel anymore,
someone tear my heart, leave me torn.

when she turned 6 she asked for an art kit
so she could turn her dreams into drawings

when she turned 10 she asked for a curling iron
so she could be as pretty as the girls in the magazines

when she turned 14 she asked for books
so she could make something of herself

but when she turned 17 she asked to die
because she realised that she would never be anything special and dreams don't come true

Beautiful girl behind a closed door
Open up I want to hear more
Take my hand for the night holds the unknown
And I don't want to be left on my own

You're turning around, hiding from the truth?
Let go of your past and enjoy your youth
Don't go back to the person who fears the light
Take my hand, come into the night

curiosity** kills
everyone seems so eager for the thrills
we all partake to have a good time
wasting every penny, every dime
ruined houses and ruined hearts
we all expose our scared pasts
don't trespass into our crimes
we are the kids who will ruin your minds