you live for the silent afters, i hate when you don't speak to me, i hate it when you walk away, i am falling in love with the back of your head. 
i love you.

nights made for sleeping
not thinking
maybe we're just programmed differently.
somewhere, something went wrong.
i think more than i sleep.

It's sad that
You're no longer here.
Because I'm listening to this song
And
I miss you.
I love you
Come back,
No don't, you hurt me and I hurt you.

don't love too hard
don't do too much
don't love too hard
don't make her your world, Stupid
don't you ever get comfortable like you did
don't,
just don't. it does not ever get better for you.

poetry lost its grandeur when I realized that this body of words could not make you love me.
poetry lost itself to me|when I realized everything ever wrote has an ending.
when i realized, everything that could have been|you stomped on|after. . . You killed me.

it's sad that you are no longer her
I don't cry anymore I wish I did because when you were alive and in my heart crying was the only way I could reach you
but now I don't and it's sad that you're no longer her, my angel

as i grow wiser
as i grow with this life, as a person, as everything that makes me, me.
i realise that there's no one that makes me happier and so ******* sad but me.

My heart she owns that, my everything she has it all, my mind may stray but you know what they say about how home is where the heart is, the gravitational pull towards her, my ****, I cannot stay away, I will not stay away. Nirvanainabottle, my supposed heaven, correctly worded my nirvana, I love you. I ******* love you.

You're gone
And I need you
How do I go centuries with anyone who's not you, Reane

dear diary|
i cannot blame her forever.
i played a good part in letting myself go.
I've realised.
blaming you was easy.
blaming you was merely my way of keeping you in my life, blaming you was and still is the reason for my demise.
I've realised.

quietly in love with you for centuries.
fairytale like
feelings of living,
together,
forever.

she only ever calls me pretty when she's inebriated
i think it's love
she doesn't
it's been three years
she doesn't think it's love
it's only ever been toxic
but still
she called me pretty
and I'll take it.
A thousand times, Yes
If she ever asks.

Awake and overly emotional.

I don't know what hurts more
: you don't love me
: you don't want to remember me
: you don't try to understand...like I want to understand you
: or that you're really not here with me and the scenery is so close to your beauty

to the girl: how many analogies about the sea can i come up with until you realise i cannot love you anymore.
    how many more nights can i spend popping pills as if my stomach lining can take that ****.
     how many more times are you going to keep coming back and taking parts of me with you, like you're oblivious to the fact that i need my heart to live?
     -Q.M catharsis

i remember
i am remembering a voice i have never heard.
you have come alive, after your death.
i lost you. i am to blame.
im losing myself to you. i am to blame.
somebody tell her to come back to me.
i promise never to harm her
i promise to be good
i promise, just someone, bring her back to me.


these feelings came to me when I remembered to breathe while realizing you are no longer here


every time I do
i die, more than a lot, on the inside



your name is pretty
tell it to me
what was it ?
what was it really ?

the silence
isn't all that bad until I realize you're not there to answer.


im stuck here, writing notes as I messaged you just a week ago

But with no response
instead just the off beat of my heart
Telling me you're gone

Sext: she said an ****** like/her soul being ****** /a gaping hole : /like ...more

letter to the night : child of the night I am not.
Letter to my parents..
    you could say and can say a lot about me but you cannot say I was never truthful to what you taught me, you can never ever say i went against anything you stood for.
A rebel I am, but with a cause.
You'd like me to be infront of you wallowing in whatever feeling consumes me at that moment, you want me infront of you but the girl you're seeing is not who she is, me sitting there and trying to make you happy while I slowly pull the trigger to the gun in my hand.

You know not what kills me but you spew demands about where I should or should not be. You don't know the cause of it all yet you persist on controlling a child you do not know. **** what the doctors say, you do not listen anyway, I am sick we know that, that's fine ? Why am I sick? Have you asked yourself that question ? No you have not yet you have the audacity to sit there and conjure up ideas about what I may or may not be doing. ASK ME , I will tell you the truth and nothing else but it.

You do not know me, seventeen years living and you do not know me. How do you feel about not knowing a thing about the child you birthed ? Tell me please because I'm sitting here , July fourth at 1:50 am trying to figure out who I am , tear stained eyes , hitching breaths, rocking back and forth and everything.
You do not know me.
You do not know me.
You do not know me.

Ask me who I am and on a journey we will embark, what lies ahead ? I hope you're ready.

time will eventually knock on my door and tell me I'm not needed around anymore... .said .gray under the moonlight trying to find forever and realising.....
realising forever is only but another one of her dreams. She feels her coffee going cold and the void in her heart turning cold too, nothing lasts forever.
you made the palm of her hands you're world, you put your heart into moulding this world and she repeatedly closes her palms to show you how the pain you had once sworn to never feel, will be your beings demise.

Let love in , they said
She gripped her palms tighter, she did
   Breaking my world and walking away with my heart.
Warm fingers? Could never melt the void
But two cold and sad souls could never make each other happy or heal each other either.

What is one to do with epiphanies at night time.

letter to my love.
the beauty about poetry,
  the words written in a moment can be so profoundly meant and felt and they can just about overwhelm you to the point of seeping through the cracks our slightly opened palms.
and in another moment they easily become lies spewed by a heart once in love but now broken by it, trapped in a web of lies, fingers around my neck kind of lies, snap your neck and end you kind of lies, I loved you, you made it painful for me, another empty space in this heart..
you wondered why i was afraid of falling , you did not catch me.

She said : " you're too young for a stable and lasting relationship "
I said : " I love you , because our friendship has grown into the most beautiful thing ever , see I've known her since the seventh grade and i fell in love with her in the eighth because she was and still is everything to me, my king, she is, my queen too.

Say what you will about my fickle heart and her but she's the only girl that has never allowed me to feel sorry for myself and has allowed me to live as if I'm " normal " I am " normal " .
Rae? The love I have for you? It is ******* beautiful. I promise

I'd cry myself to sleep,
  if i could.
but I can't.
thank you.

I see your face
whenever I try to
Remember
Your voice

A friend of the night I am not connected to the moon I am not. morning used to to be my time but the pain felt ten fold in this pulsating vein tells me , I no longer am a child of the night seeking happiness under the moonlight.

She's miles away from me and we're stargazing together, this is why she's it. The nothingness may consume me but she has it beat, can help but let in the warm feeling into my heart, I love you and i never want this to end. Don't leave me ?

you stayed silent, while I was loud in approach but as we know,
you achieved the impossible, bringing down to earth, she, who could not be altered.
-who transcends human nature
- she who changes
- or she who brings about changed.

the anger consumed me and i could no longer hold or bare the sight of you
the fire raging in my eyes, my fists , causing me to tremble like never before
the anger consumed me i let you see that part of me, directed to you, it was not, the impending thought of how my arms couldn't cradle you as I should have
the anger consumed and took the ability of loving you as you should away.
i cannot tell how much it hurts, it doesn't, paper beats rock, anger beats sadness and the nothingness ? that beats me.

You have too much soul to be handled by someone who has never been passionate.
See love, I don't mean to downplay your love but i have a heart susceptible to emotion and i just have tap my fingers and let the sky fall
As I write, the hand writing this letter aches for you, your soul and the passion you possess, my entire being devoted  to passion, enlightenment and soul through melodies sung for Melanie, I sing and let the sky fall. My heart entwined with my mind has your face embedded in the most sacred parts of my subconscious, sacred derived from the thought of never showing you the passion and soul behind these eyes, the fire within my hands. there's more to me than what the eye sees, the mind thinks and the heart skips, everything you're looking for us here in this box filled with passion, be pandora, open the chest and let the passion devour your entire being

There's nothing prettier than this high I'm feeling.
-catharsis

the kind i cannot write about.

hey,
I just cried for you,
A lot,
It was sad,
It's going to make me,
Sick.
I love you,
You can come back now

Talk to me please

sing to me, she said
i sang truth like she always wanted
i sang truth like it would bring her closer
i sang truth..more truth and truth
i sang and i lost you.
i sang truth...it was not our truth.
i sang truth, i hurt, you're hurt.
centuries..come on home to me, let me sing truth to you, our truth..no hurt

Today marks the eighteenth,
I am smiling,
I miss you,
Believe me.
But you know me,
And,
Lit sticks
Of,
Marijuana