She's out of shadows
The sun shining on her face
As she walks to him.

She stands there,
Staring.
Her reflection in the mirror
watching her carefully.
The inside so much different.

She turns on the water,
Flowing.
She slowly rises the water,
feeling the moisture on her face.
Washing away her mask.

Watching the makeup,
Rinsing.
Nothing is left but her scars
and the bruises yet to heal.
The pain that she hides so well.

Stepping away,
Carefully.
She doesn't face the mirror.
Not wanting to see the monster
that she knew had appeared.

No one close
leaving me feeling deserted
and stranded being                              me.
I never feel
that I'm deserving.
All the voices in my head
are finally winning.

No one hears
my pleads and tears
that streak down my face.
Looking in the mirror
I don't recognize                                myself.
The reflection showing
someone entirely different.

No one sees
my shattered heart
laying on the ground at my feet.
Feeling yet another ache
spreading through my veins.
This is it, this will
finally break                                          me.

When I think of you
I see the snow.
Cold.
We paved our path

When I think of you
I see the puddles.
Deep.
We jumped them together

When I think of you
I see the rain.
Pounding.
It hurt my heart.

When I think of you
I see the flowers.
Bright.
They replaced us.

When I think of you
I see the leaves.
Falling.
We picked them up.

When I think of you
I see all of these
Again and again.
We made them.

Until suddenly
When I think of you
I see nothing.
All lost in our eyes.

But there's still a trail in the snow,
and a puddle to jump.  
Rain that hurts my heart,
and  flowers that replace us.

All is there but the leaves.
Left on the ground
Never picked up again.

I'm tired of the rules-
the regulations-
on what beautiful means.
It's not a definition
you can copy and repeat.
It's something you just be.

I sit and stare,
as everything changes.
The sky,
turning to gray,
what happened to blue?

I stand and watch
as everything switches.
The ocean,
turning to a rage,
what happened to calm?

I can't help but see,
how everything is different.
Me,
turning to hollow,
what happened to full?

Sitting here
On this wall.
I wait
And wait
         And wait.

I stare
At the clouds.
I hope
And hope
        And hope.

I listen
To the birds.
I dream
And dream
        And dream.

I smell
The white flowers.
I believe
And believe
         And believe.

I touch
The cold ground.
I cry
And cry
       And cry.

Sitting on my own
The room is full with people
But I'm still alone.

You stole my heart once.
And oh how much I did fall.
You can't have it all.

The feeling drains
from my legs
as I try and pretend
that I don't care.

I feel the burning
in my chest
as I forget to breath
when I walk by you.

I feel the pull
in my hands
as I reach for my phone
forgetting we're done.

I feel the stinging
in my eyes
as I cry yet another tear
about to say goodbye.

Sitting there,
We're so close.
We feel the heat
Rise to our cheeks.
Together there's sparks.

But then,
She comes.
And I watch you
Turn away from me.
You always choose her.

And again,
I see.
As your eyes light up
And you smile at her.
Knowing it'll never be me.

What am I feeling?
That is sitting so low
in my chest
that I can barely feel
the pounding.

What am I feeling?
That only whispers
to me
when I'm sitting alone
and empty.

What am I feeling?
That sneaks up at
weird moments
stealing my happiness
with a word.

What am I feeling?
That won't leave me alone
to breath
so I can maybe start to be
normal again.