i'll repeat,
be a different thing.
drunk until i can't see.

I'll love you the same,
pity me but keep your sanity.
replace your face with petty things

if you arrived,

i couldn't hold myself apart,

i'd split in to ten seas,

hoping you won't notice me.

duck my head in the bars,

like you used to use me.

I'd carry your breath to a beach,

stumble a bit,

and let go of your leash.

smell your hair,

shortly then, i show my teeth.

only a dream says you can leave.

but if you arrived,

i would paint ten-million lives,

just to live without a single one.

give me a little to drink,

but maybe you aren't,

what morning is bringing to me,

but I'm okay, gladly playing a fool,

when i can drink a whole sea.

i don't know where I'm looking,

but the blurry life that i lead,

i just hope that it's clear,

when you get around to me.

the white of a door,

never felt lonelier,

than your face imprinted,

from a long lost sun.

for a year i carried each second.

like a wreck,

who knows nothing else.

i still dream you sober.

wishing you could come over,

for a minute, be a lover.

all my dreams are three-leafed,

always missing a clover.

your hair in wind,
the quiet friend,
our broken trends,
we sat on steps,
with book ends.

i was just as scared as you,
ready, willing, played the fool,
i loved you too,
i said it first,
i swear it's true.
but where were you.

maybe you're still scared of germs,

and movies, still, your nightly mantra,

may be you still smoke ****

with friends that removed me.

maybe love was the enemy

my life might change at twenty three

but i threw away my family

remembering the fireworks

against the front yard tree.

but my soul says whatever

whatever happens,

wherever you went,

i guess it's a part of me.

erase you from my body,
turn me off,
throw a match and light me.
brighter than a single star,
dark as dirt in midnight.

i don't know anymore.

darkest corners pity me,
broken soul at twenty-three,
strangers fake in love with me.
gave my soul and sanity,
just to find myself,
i couldn't see.

it takes courage to turn words,

into something that may be unheard,

but i hope it gets you through a night,

gain a battle in a losing fight,

ring your soul to make it light.

stop a gun or knife upon your life.

tear you apart,

to forget where i am,

seek myself and forget my sanity,

married ground, catching trees,

flickered wind in some leaves,

now i tore down your town,

and my heart is at ease.

picking up,
the fragile frames of,
my windowpane.
no patience placed in me,
i'll leave them on the ground,
to let them be.

so,
like the love I used to have for self,

I guess I'll just leave.

the crunch of a newborn day.
the sound of you having your way.
the quiet of past gone away.
blackest nights,
while i wished you would stay.
icy fog while i drove into work.
christmas lights,
and discovering your worth.
not again,
as you said in cupped mouth.
truest feelings,
frozen cold,
and left out.

through time and heavened hell,

i am gripping thread,

that could lead me to you,

where life and stars,

could not conceive you.

still waiting for space,

where you can arrive.

i am barren,

i am further from you,

i am unhappy,

i am.

im alone,

im a drunk,

something less,

than the one that you loved.

im a mess and much more,

I'm a son, was a friend,

im a stubborn door.

I loved more than myself,

but i still wanted more.

i am sorry and spent,

and my heart still pays rent,

but I'm moving without smiling,

slowly crawling to life.

but i dont know what I'd do,

if i ever saw your eyes.

i wish i knew you,
feeling left alone,
my life is like a traffic cone,
you leave, and now I'm all alone.
I'll see you when the sun snows.

worth the words,
I made my own.
so i make,
my words alone.

write me, in your eyes.

tell me i can be good again.

promise death is not the end.

to live and love for all my friends.

don't let those fleeting moments,

fly for too long

words will never mend,

the things i lost,

the love i give.

addictions, how i give in.

shaking makes me less of a man.

can you see the white flag?

do you hang it on your wall?

does that make me someone after all?

please stop.

come back.

i hate myself.

i don't care.

i tried to **** myself.

i wish i knew myself.

i'm scared.

i'm not alright.

*******.

god, don't leave me.

wouldn't know what to say,

or how to behave;

like a chicken with no head,

like a night without stars,

if i jumped like a dog,

would you tell me how far?

coldest winter,
wrapped in your clothing.
my arms are sore,
my eyes are wet.

each mile taken,
her smile beckons,
but i can never see her cry,
over losing me.

wouldn't trade all this fire,
for a second of breath.
all the heart in my words,
will outlive my own death.

i hover above,
the grave I have dug,
remorsefully of,
a pain so undone.
too afraid of myself,
just a cry without love.
and the family I loved,
my mind carefully shunned.
while i lie on the ground,
they all cry for a son.

with such words in my mouth,
in stead, written on walls.
ignoring every life call.
walk inside my sad room,
i swear there's some truth,
somewhere, obviously you.
i traded my death,
for that burning youth.
take it for granted,
and gradually tuned,
as it shapes in your hand,
all my cuts on my arm,
well, they tragically soothe.

you found a future,
i helped you find.
you sawed my nerves,
i left to die,
but still alive
so, yes i try,
but not for you,
still feel your lies.

the sun'll be higher than the moon,

my heart'll still be a monsoon,

but i'll promise myself,

i still love you.

the sun and the moon,
they carried me home.
the stars lit a sign,
that i wasn't alone.
i was dizzily distant,
desperately indifferent.
your love stretched the sky,
and your mouth marked the ends.

i won't miss your dumb hair,

i dont care about your nails,

i'd rather read books,

and dream about rails.

every seat you can't fit,

that i fake my upset,

but your soul is the point,

and your face is a mess.

your face in that country,
it still remains lovely.
the love that it broke,
once left me with nothing.
and know I've loved angels,
but nothing as true,
all the life that i gave them,
was once all for you.

like a storm in reverse,

you're the best that I heard.

not the thunder and flash,

but the sound of your love,

like a tin-roof crash.

I'd trade my life for it to last,

so many times until it passed.

and it should pass.

but it should pass.

will it pass?

if i could walk backwards to you,

without falling apart.

if i could feel such a loss,

but remain at the start.

fill my car with smoke,

take my self-esteem,

turn me fifteen and green,

i wish you knew what I mean.

maybe it's me,

take my self-esteem.

all the lines that i crossed,
just to be in your arms.
never thought that I'd lose,
buried deep in your harm.
like a splinter left in,
caused a changed in my growth,
threw a tilt to my world,
severed love i won't know.

that day i found you unfaithful,
the night i tried to be hateful.
the time i drove away,
just to force myself to stay.

that night, driving miles,
just to swim in your eyes,
lying to myself,
and losing mine.

arrived on the wind,
weathered and bent,
loved my attention,
covered in sin.
guessed my intention,
called me a friend.
left me in shambles,
never again.
i wanted your company,
coped with your loss.
i left you alone,
my feelings were tossed.

stayed up all night,
your love in that light,
there's gnats in my life,
kind of sweet,
knowing, well, what's just right.

limiting,
fidgeting,
beginning,
in capturing,
your soul so captivating.

leave a light on,
following like moths,
in a suffocating summer night.

i turned off the lights in my head,

a breath in the winter,

that summer would never let you say.

but tell me you love me,

and I'll be okay.

warm tears on a winter day,

certain seasons i can never forget,

but i won't forget May.

carry me, june,

far too scared to see you,

so let me be, i look to the moon.

let me love me,

and I'll let you love you.

your hands were spades,

to dig my soul.

and what i saw,

i'll never know.

some company, while i grow old?

heavy love to make me fold?

neither,

just an empty hole.

october holds my soul,
i'll never be sober,
growing older and older,
dont let me shake alone,
i shouldnt have,
i know, i know.

please be more than words on screen,
try to see a better side of things,
i wrote these words,
you wouldn't read.
in case you are,
your pedestal,
is next to me.
it's missing you,
when i can't breathe.
i wish you stayed,
i couldn't leave.

distract me from the stars,

sharpie the moon,

bury my soul inside this room.

the sheets are gone,

you would cringe at the floor,

i could count on both hands,

each time i have opened my door.

infinite are the slowest moments,

that i wish i was still yours.

why do you lie,
and then take up my time?
carry me back,
with your comfortable smile?
show me my worth,
walk away with a sigh?
still, i love all your flaws,
i'll remove your bad nights.

you were right about the stars.

they look nothing like your eyes.

and that moon,

it has nothing to do with you.