i steer into double lines,

hope you love me enough to cross,

if you don't, i'm left lonely,

but nothing's ever a loss.

fortune can't flow in my veins,

i don't choose the words in my brain,

but if i could, they might say:

my arms are bright red,

my mom ran out of breath,

its been three years since her death.

faking faith till I'm full,

i still drink like a fool,

wishing i was still loving you.

but I'll make it up while i go,

pray my mind makes a home,

while i hold on to life all alone.

almost numb to the core,

but your time is adored,

therefore, i'm a fool,

opening a ****** door,

and you love me,

but i love you more.

fill my car with smoke,

take my self-esteem,

turn me fifteen and green,

i wish you knew what I mean.

maybe it's me,

take my self-esteem.

don't explain a single thing to me,

i want to find each surprise,

behind every closed door.

i don't care where it ends,

i'll just re-do where it begins.

i was the captain of my two feet,

since around the age of three,

when i used to let things love me,

not knowing what time could bring.

familiar with bar stools since age nine,

breakfast on windowed daylight,

only once, maybe twice,

i had cried under that roof of my life.

oh, and my teens, became mean,

but at no one but me,

i held firm,

without knowing how to stand,

against those things in my brain.

break my heart,

before i break yours first.

i can live without you,

but not after all the words.

you're the fire,

I'm alarmed,

i have lovers and friends,

written, cut in my arms,

all i wanted was biological matter,

all i got was a painful disorder.

be my savior and victim,

only blurry eyes see both,

spent my whole life,

swimming in a broken pool,

stick by my side,

who is truly the fool?

you melted in the concrete,

while you held my concerned eyes,

rolling to find truth and lie.

your hands traversed the night,

wishing stranger hands,

held a better time.

give up the settled plains,

love a broken mountain,

for as long as you can.

dive straight into broken hands.

love a mystery, with a promised hand.

a certain loss can make amends.

that kind of voice was made to lend.

making love or making friends?

we're all star-crossed and loveless,

but we still sing in the rain.

some times all i can be,

is all that keeps me sane.

forget your makeup,

i'll forget to breathe,

like a dead gull at sea,

choking, hope you remember me.

forget my **** up,

while i forget to be,

like a lost soul at sea,

hoping you forgive me.

why does the world feel alone,

when you read what i say,

then you leave me alone?

what fried soul can atone?

this millennial foe,

such a strange thing to know,

when a fool feels alone.

she carries showers,

suspiciously meant to melt me down.

does she know,

she's all i need to stick around,

when my head hits the ceiling,

and my heart hits the ground.

her eyes replace all the sounds,

yet she always sees me come apart,

too ****** up to stare at stars.

I'll stand where you stand instead,

until you get tired of me.

all my seasons were a pain to you,

if only you had stayed for four or two.

my drinking doubled digits daily,

while i numbly watched you fly away.

i never thought it you to blame,

not a single moment, every day.

hold still, while i fall into you,

i don't fall long, but i enjoy the view,

of something i'll eventually call 'youth'

loss is just the end of all growth.

but i still know what i do.

and i still write your name in snow,

hopeful i can change myself,

before stars and myself melt.

when you came for my last name,

i drank a full lake,

wondering and wandering,

what such loving arms could take;

take my face and bank account.

i only have eyes for the sky,

so bury me in the night,

broken where the clouds lie,

wondering how to change the time.

warm pain in my veins,

unbreakable, shaking in the rain.

singing songs about your name.

warm pain in my veins,

unbreakable, shaking in the rain.

singing songs about the pain.

warm pain in my veins,

unbreakable, shaking in the rain.

trying to remember my name.

worn planes in a sink,

breakable, breaking, in pain.

try to stay sane.

worn out but surprisingly sane,

unshakeable in shame,

trying to stay the same.

warm home and embrace,

breaking through, someone says:

stay sober, don't change.

i don't know how to hold you,

i don't know how to speak,

all this eye in the storm,

i don't know how to be:

you did drugs,

my soul was at sea,

we were perfectly imperfect,

but barely in seam.

i loved you in bookstores,

and I hate when you sing.

then you drifted away,

now i know what it means.

not the terror,

nor the screams,

could ever bring [     ] to me,

while i painfully change,

into someone i cannot be.

no ocean, no sky,

floating in the dead of night,

could ever contain this pain of mine.

i drink aquariums,

i stare at stars,

lean against my charcoal car,

watching blackened clouds,

drifting around,

hoping, with a heavy heart,

that you slow this spinning bar.

and when you do,

i'll stop dreaming of you,

or my charcoal car.

staring stars,

gliding in dark,

finding comfort in arks,

you know who you are.

most of me,

i'm not put together;

yet you still stay,

and there could be no other.

im still a dreamer,

but don't be fooled;

i'm seeking every thing but you.

trailing off in atom bombs,

at night, ignite the things i lose,

fall back to what i used to love,

maybe some day it's you.

convince me it's a flame,

call me callously insane,

only loved ones recall my name;

only dying parents,

oldest friends,

lovers longing better things.

but my liver loves the bitter drinks,

as it catapults my life away,

where there's nothing but my words,

or so to speak.

until then ill enjoy the screens,

while my body's out of song.

Imperfect Occupant:

Seeking Four Walls To Vent,

Always On Time With Rent.

Lacking Friend, Family,

(Roommate?) On The Fence.

Long Lease, Lost Romantic.

Carefree And Losing It.

1) a bookstore in May,

2) your apartment in Maine

3) an airport in spring

4) random chinese food place

5) my apartment (2nd floor)

all in all,

only stars left above,

all i can't change or create,

asking for phonecalls,

but they all spin away.

gone are the days,

i am asked if i'm okay,

now i just sit and think away,

every drunken thing i cannot say,

until stars have long passed,

then i say im awake.

your sun-dried absence,

thinly layered in daylight,

then tonight:

all the waterfalls call to arms,

alarming my life, and yours, and all,

but none of these words,

truly describe my loss.

hearts were meant to break,

i don't know if yours ever did,

but i know what it's like without you.

if you arrived,

i couldn't hold myself apart,

i'd split in to ten seas,

hoping you won't notice me.

duck my head in the bars,

like you used to use me.

I'd carry your breath to a beach,

stumble a bit,

and let go of your leash.

smell your hair,

shortly then, i show my teeth.

only a dream says you can leave.

but if you arrived,

i would paint ten-million lives,

just to live without a single one.

that blurry eyed blushing color,

paints the sky at the back of my head,

knowing limbs of mine are in pain.

pressed against you again and again.

but a whole army,

couldn't keep me refrained.

bolting waist deep in the trees,

searching for suffering and identity.

spraying words that staple me.

i can dream my life away,

kissing moons and holding skies,

pretending black holes as your eyes.

lightning caves inside my mind,

fall asleep feeling fine,

shake, your hands,

thank God I'm still alive.

awkwardly repellant,

of anything nourishing,

loving nothing but a cracked spine.

living useless unless you're upset.

i spend year-long nights,

watching stars spin across my face,

searching someone to stand,

that pathetic place you used to stay.

hallowed is the ground you stood.

where the broken sits and broods,

learning time,

and every thing they should;

still,

hallowed is the ground you stood.

deadly in love,

and substance abused,

turning mirrors into loss,

every night turning into you.

written words to signal stars,

always dreaming your eyes.

endless nights by your side,

knowing nothing's there but night,

chasing love like it was wine,

holding nothing,

it's all right.

dig me,

tell me that I'm alright.

dig me away,

off this beach,

attached to the sea,

like an unlikable leech.

dig me a hole,

promise me six feet.

dig me some gold,

pretend it's pure happiness,

i know that it's not,

but it's still sparkly to see.

bury me,

married a million times,

committed to a single thing;

it promised me a million dreams.

but none as sweet as you, i see.

will you marry me,

without your life by my side,

I would promise the sun a light.

by the time i had dreamed,

only God says it's time,

his two eyes

piercing straight through my lies,

while i still give him the light.

how long can an ocean be,

or a sky seen by eyes;

every second spent alive.

lonely as the bottom of yours,

but what you read was never hers.

she lives beyond broken eyelids,

promised truth.

i outlive my sordid use.

second chances live in trees,

while the woodcut slowly becomes me

i bomb my head,

swallow death,

just to fit inside my self,

but i can't stand the seams;

any addict knows what that means.

and if I ever said i hated you,

it was only meant for me.

a broken violin inside my eyes,

only once you shed a tear,

my whole soul,

raining down for years.

can't stop what i can't control.

can't let you go at all,

but i try, like a broken fool.

my life knows nothing but your arms,

each day, i wonder what they were,

but im certain they weren't her.

i'll remove my hands,

from the bottom of your heart,

losing sight of my soul,

while i swallow the poison,

posing to be the one you would marry,

like it was ever an option.

my heart is yours,

while you don't reappear,

losing all that time in your hair,

but you don't reappear.

I'm all yours,

but my heart's out to lunch,

choosing every thing you would love,

but you still don't appear,

so my heart is all yours.

I'm not afraid of the dark,

im afraid of your eyes,

of everything that left mine,

including you.

i pray someone can imitate you,

but nothing will replace you.

do you see an artist or the drunk?

a dreamer, or someone,

who left their dreams to sink?

someone unforgivable,

without some loving arms,

writing words to warm a lost heart?

loss cannot **** me,

but i'll certainly change.

in love with myself,

is a dream i don't see.

but i'll keep heading north,

where a door could appear.

pray to god, see you there,

so i stay in this room,

replay all that I'll lose,

maybe it's a waste of time,

but it's better than a noose.

while i try to stay around,

just as long as there's room.

can you spin inside this room again,

to stop this ride or save my life,

I know you won't do either,

and that choice is only mine.

maybe i should stay in here,

and hope that blur turns into you,

or hope that I'm just drunk enough,

to believe that it comes true.

i hope you know, i pray for you,

as far as i can get from you,

I see when i was in love with you,

remember when i was losing you?

replayed it every night to get to you.

regretting things i did for you,

forgiving things you said were true.

i can't let you go,

you're more home than a ***** room.

i stomach you more than my fears,

feeling like my friends are still here,

but when i wake, they don't reappear.

you're my anxiety in the morning,

and my depression at night,

you're my hero when it's too late.

I love you,

even though you're just a thing.

but you took all i loved,

then you made it okay.