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Nov 2018 · 173
thank you
charles Nov 2018
if i could stop then i would,
no longer feel that i should.
when the sky comes down,
lay me down in the mud.
and what you don't know,
you wish that you could.
all the bad in my eyes can't abide all your good.

well i tried.

and i tried,
so why lie about things i cant hide?
dont know what keeps me alive.
Nov 2018 · 143
to love another day
charles Nov 2018
a broken heart is nothing new,
there's weeds to grow,
and things to do.
we make up words,
to make them true,
but not the kind to hold on to.
So let it go,
and time will pass,
the questions, easier to ask.
and when you do,
what will you say?

"I lived to love another day"
Nov 2018 · 189
growing pains
charles Nov 2018
so close to what i cannot touch,
the feeling felt within the drunk,
it might as well become the sun,
the unattained that burn with love.
rebelled against that shaky turn,
then crashed into a dying fern.
the kind of love that's meant to hurt,
the growing pains have lost their spurt.
Nov 2018 · 214
the misery
charles Nov 2018
the love we carried in our pair,
soon, we left what wasn't there,
another love, we never dared,
the misery was all we shared,
i died to say the things i feared,
now pain is all i ever hear.
Nov 2018 · 408
rushed love
charles Nov 2018
the words stuck in our throat,
like a suicide you cant commit to,
you pushed just as hard,
as the heart you pulled yourself through,
our wings failed the sun,
we found nothing,
but the ground to love.

maybe the rush was enough.
Nov 2018 · 218
fall
charles Nov 2018
sometimes im not scared of the drop,
most days it's all that i want.
i swear i dont want,
to tear you apart,
but it's all that i've felt,
so why should it stop?
charles Nov 2018
your lack of all emotion,
and a posture well-reserved,
your neck was so extraordinary,
the sweat that laced your curves.
you always made me happy,
made a heaven from the ground,
turned my head into a ferris wheel,
when friends were not around.
in the nights that i will miss you,
i will truly wish you dead.
so i'll slip you from my fingers,
like the dreams i never had.
Nov 2018 · 130
death of a habit
charles Nov 2018
maybe the harder it gets,
the more you let go,
the less you remember,
the more that you know.

God, i hope.
Oct 2018 · 221
so
charles Oct 2018
so
so send me flowers when I'm away,
a day with you, a perfect stay.
the simple laugh, and all the play,
remember all the things i meant to say:
Love the soul and disarray,
see the sun and then the shade,
i'm all types of not okay,
learn to love all of this grey.
Oct 2018 · 202
tear
charles Oct 2018
tear in me, so terrifying,
tantalize then tranquilize,
terrible, too many lies,
tamed the truth,
the day i died.
Oct 2018 · 142
. .... ...
charles Oct 2018
Bury me in autumn leaves,
stuck in thought and memory,
wait for you to cross that sea,
till winter shows me how i breathe.
I'll wait until the lights come on,
the Christmas kind that we first saw,
And though I couldn't keep my word at all,
so grateful you can't see me crawl.
But there's still time to pick me up,
my heart's still yours to interrupt,
so don't be scared,
just love me so,
i'm here because of you,
And you alone.
Oct 2018 · 112
flying without eyes
charles Oct 2018
where do you walk on a blurry night?
lonely, in love, and full of flight.
but how do you fly without your own eyes,
when all of your truth have always been lies?
Oct 2018 · 172
i used to be someone
charles Oct 2018
When thoughts were just thoughts,
Not shackles of the mind,
When substance was sinful,
Not shortcuts through life.
When love was a feeling,
Not a goal to achieve,
When your presence was peaceful,
Not a name lost in steam.
It's not trust that I lack,
Or a fault in your words,
Not the past that I fear,
Or the fear that it stirs.
It's the way that I love,
To the people I hurt,
It's the closet of guilt,
All the things undeserved.
Oct 2018 · 141
not meant for you
charles Oct 2018
i don't know what true love is,
until it's too late,
i fed you the words,
i knew that you ate.
but god fed me lies,
of a hidden mistake,
love is not mine,
or mine to create.
Oct 2018 · 157
the degree of your breath
charles Oct 2018
dont remember your voice,
dont remember your face,
the degree of your breath,
or the heart that i chased.
what once caused me pain,
my mind cant create.
i stayed for too long,
that much i can make.
no comfort in loss,
of what i forgot,
i guess time made its lesson,
my heart was well-taught.
Oct 2018 · 283
Happiness Spontaneous
charles Oct 2018
like the feather in flight,
the whitest of lies,
a second in time,
a bell and its chime,
as quick as the word,
at the end of this rhyme,
the feeling of happiness,
sure takes its time.
Oct 2018 · 1.1k
when in rome
charles Oct 2018
you wiped all my tears,
and made them your own,
my face in your hands,
no greater a home.
but now that you're gone,
i face it alone.
your side of the sea,
you're safer in rome.
Oct 2018 · 105
like no other
charles Oct 2018
once,

they loved me like no other,
held my hand,
and gave me cover.
rainy days,
in states so southern,
broke the clocks, our time forever.

i pushed them out,
my mind's endeavor.
Oct 2018 · 137
another poem about death
charles Oct 2018
expired thoughts of your embrace,
half a lifetime, i have chased,
darkest nights with swollen terror,
that threw away my love and care.
a fool was i to follow rain,
its destination eased the pain.
for granted was that hidden sun,
will morning bring what i have shunned?
the hand i held in early autumn,
bad news that brought me to the bottom,
my anxious mind that wrestled loose,
a patient ceiling without noose,
so all in all, my life's discomfort,
will time itself reveal its own worth?
charles Oct 2018
You took my stupid, broken heart,
always Yours right from the start,
its not Your job to catch my fall,
yet You sweep me up when im apart.
dont know where all our love began,
we locked our eyes, i could have ran,
im so confused but still i stand.
i cannot be, You said i can.
break my heart or call it even,
pull me back when i am leaving.
willingly, im Yours for keeping.
Oct 2018 · 555
slow dance in tyranny
charles Oct 2018
the morning holds my truth,
stay married to the afternoon,
panic when the sun disappears,
shadows vitalize my fears.
i'll drink on my own when nobody hears me,
slow dance alone under my own tyranny,
the sun breaks my headache,
only then, i see clarity.
Oct 2018 · 143
bad habits
charles Oct 2018
Nicotine was meant for me,
Took my life so gradually,
cancer sticks, can't live without,
grateful when they all ran out.
changed my life and vaporized,
slightly healthy, save the skies.
walking past a smoker's cough,
wonder why they want to fall.
remembered how i used to be,
days i couldn't return calls.
Oct 2018 · 419
six is a number
charles Oct 2018
the first one's a treat,
i speak what i mean,
two gives me laughter,
i know what im after,
three gives me love,
im pure as a dove,
four is my edge,
it shows me a ledge.
five gives me trouble,
my edges are rough.
six is a number,
not nearly enough.
Oct 2018 · 483
panic attack
charles Oct 2018
where do you float when you run out of breath?
how do you walk without knowing what's next?
weight on your chest, they say take a deep breath.
But what if you dont, is the alternative death?
do we twitch on the ground, try to think about less?
do we quietly combust, do we weather the test?
I dont know all the reasons, but i can tell you the rest.
If we go then we go,
But i havent quite yet.
Oct 2018 · 193
2014
charles Oct 2018
I knew you before your new friends ****** with you,
I knew you before you knew how to put yourself back together,
I knew you before I knew better.
Before you dyed your hair blonde,
Before it grew out long.
You left and you knew more things to make me less gone.
All I got was an email, said I made you strong.
Left the state to change my mind,
Lived in a bottle thinking tonight was my time,
Put it down just to write a better rhyme,
But my words refuse flow when every day is a grind.
Not even missing you, just wish I knew  truth from a lie.
Said i was a stepping stone to life, so why cant i find the happiness in mine?
Two years, dependence, a state line between us, its still hard to see the things that make me shine.
I guess its just something that i'm not meant to find,
Since everything in front of me is meant to leave behind.
Oct 2018 · 641
keep content
charles Oct 2018
complicate my simple life,
Solo nights spent high on life,
Music, buzzing, mental fright,
Bad mistakes that i just might,
Endorphins rushing out my eyes,
to keep content, they call it crying.
Oct 2018 · 112
first step
charles Oct 2018
Anxiety is trying me, bottles tend to bury me. What it is is what it means, my poor attempts at being free. Just know I struggle mentally, and being drunk is comforting, so cover me in company,

sobriety,

it hides from me.
Oct 2018 · 1.5k
these walls
charles Oct 2018
scare me like others,
a love(r) or just met,
the cards that i dealt keep me holding my bets.
the time far from worth it,
Results in repeating,
you're scared or too perfect,
the close of a curtain.

indifferent, these walls,
the front of my door.
i dont need the light or a soul to adore.
forgetful, eventual,
so back to before.
Oct 2018 · 1.1k
a bored walk
charles Oct 2018
In a perfect world you're simple.
Easy like the sun melts snow,
Hear you speak words i already know.
But in passing, meaning fades away,
Like wooden boards we walked before,
It creaks and cracks,
Eventual bow,
It all has its time,
It all has to go.

— The End —