the further that my body falls,

the less i have to hold,

reliving each season,

burning shameless in my soul.

your shining love it once contained,

such things my mind could not abide;

i loved to throw my youth to flame,

affixed to drain my broken mind,

a better soul for you was meant,

but when i toss this thing aside,

i'll be left with nothing but my life.

porcelain,

when its all that i'll see,

from hospital to sea,

whether im dying or withering.

porcelain,

could be then, could be now,

depending on my birthday crown;

it used to be cake,

but it's a cup of pills now.

i drink like a fish you can't catch,

while i try settling down,

covered in trees and out of town,

listening to seasons that aren't around.

i get sad at sea,

as long as its about me,

feeling nauseous and noisy,

I'm sure im just a mess to see,

i fall apart to pick me up,

i'll think of things i couldn't say,

i'll be my worst to feel enough.

you can't hold them,

even when they need it,

they don't all cry for help,

even when it's needed.

poked full of holes,

like a sun set in clouds,

sidewalk shop signs say:

Sobriety Not Allowed;

besides myself in a park bench,

i walk through a door,

then it looks like a train,

and it melts into rehab,

but i'm staring at a sink,

where i'm draining away,

loved ones calling names,

but i can't remember the day.

the more that i drink,

the closer you're here,

the better i feel,

if i could be there.

the more that i drink,

the less that is there,

the better i feel,

i don't want to hear.

the more that i drink,

the less they will know,

the better i'll feel,

the less i am here.

the more that i drink,

the less i could care,

the more that i bear,

the less you are here,

but i'll try to be here.