fill my car with smoke,

take my self-esteem,

turn me fifteen and green,

i wish you knew what I mean.

maybe it's me,

take my self-esteem.

don't explain a single thing to me,

i want to find each surprise,

behind every closed door.

i don't care where it ends,

i'll just re-do where it begins.

i was the captain of my two feet,

since around the age of three,

when i used to let things love me,

not knowing what time could bring.

familiar with bar stools since age nine,

breakfast on windowed daylight,

only once, maybe twice,

i had cried under that roof of my life.

oh, and my teens, became mean,

but at no one but me,

i held firm,

without knowing how to stand,

against those things in my brain.

break my heart,

before i break yours first.

i can live without you,

but not after all the words.

you're the fire,

I'm alarmed,

i have lovers and friends,

written, cut in my arms,

all i wanted was biological matter,

all i got was a painful disorder.

be my savior and victim,

only blurry eyes see both,

spent my whole life,

swimming in a broken pool,

stick by my side,

who is truly the fool?

you melted in the concrete,

while you held my concerned eyes,

rolling to find truth and lie.

your hands traversed the night,

wishing stranger hands,

held a better time.