i couldn't explain if i tried,

sometimes it's at fourteen,

or for a life time,

running out of places to hide.

when i said i was alright,

i was not,

every time.

soft suns sail across,

a red star-crossed sky,

and some night,

i won't know what it is.

souls shine, no less beautiful,

then those lights lost in their height,

came to me in tiny dreams,

the kind that try to let me breathe,

when the morning comes,

i wont know what they mean.

i could love a million things,

but not a single one would love me.

that's the maker's mark,

it's meant to be,

if only sober men could repeat the sea.

but surely that man isnt me.

I dont know what to do,

with these memories of *; (you)

i could crawl in a hole,

i might paint the whole room.

i could drink till i cry,

live my life in a monsoon.

i could find someone else,

relive something new.

i could find the guts to get sober,

or wrap my life around a tree.

i could make another mark on my arm

but until i saw you did the same,

because of me,

i didnt know a thing, about self harm.

paint the room,

I write my restless unkempt

worried lemon taste

but you see the tide in my face.

shooting, drinking, hoping high,

relate to patients at work,

no space for my hurt

you just wanna be heard.

searching for finality in words,

not a single one can soften a curse,

letters wont bring me back to her,

or the moments addicts bite for lures.

i pray each night I'm well deserved,

bury thoughts i cant cure,

life is neither left or right,

just a pin in time,

a lesson learned,

when nothing brings me back to her.

some things dont change,

"live without a chance to walk away'

maniacally, i try to be okay.

some days its fine that way;

some days i dig a knife in my face,

driving drunk,

then be grateful the next day.

i can't stand the day.

would it matter if i remembered how you sang when I wasnt looking?

the way my mind screen shot the moment I fell in love with you at McDonalds

the time i drove you through the greenest woods

your shirt i wore while i was losing you

six months i spent chasing you just to end up a fool?

does it matter when i drink to a black screen and sing to the moon?

i dont want to know where you are,
i dont know where you've been,
every second i breathe is just another reason to be