my friends on a horizon,

while i fly below,

to pull cold air in my lungs.

lost in thought and constant sorrow.

i'm here and there,

sober and wasted and wanting.

im proud of the words I cant say.

or the way they have to sound.

ringing round and round around,

my mind without a single noun.

not all stars will show,

nor illuminate the snow,

but a winter cold,

will swallow our minds whole,

to steal away what we don't know,

with withered things that rest alone.

O, to hold another year,

for yesterday's a different fear,

but bold enough to bring it near.

to trace a soul that once was dear,

O, to hold another year.

may you feel a blessing in your chest.

may you feel more than my best.

may you pass every painful test.

may you heal every mess.

may you live longer than guessed.

please turn the ceiling to stars,

paint my walls with art,

pulling pain from my heart.

turn the floor into doors,

to a better place from here.

fill my sink full of hope,

eyes sinking ecstasy in a phone screen,

but we'll never say what we mean.

I'll keep myself together for you,

just to fall apart in this room.

my child couldn't ***** this flame,

every night a crying shame,

playing razor since 2016,

not afraid to not eat,

not afraid to not breathe,

i can cringe while i write and still read

i know how to keep my mouth shut,

while my hands do the talking,

all they do is lift a bottle,

my mouth is tired,

i know how to sleep like a baby,

and still feel like a liar,

how to shave my seconds with a

flick.

of a lighter.

now i feel lighter:

my favorite food is pizza,

i used to read,

i used to play [     ],

answer phone calls,

enjoy music without falling apart.

i could love without an ounce of fear.

the most painful thoughts,

are the most beautiful,

to those who can't understand it.

i'll never be a writer.

heaven only knows your eyes,

two things i don't deserve to see.

sending shivers down spines,

your movement motioned like a sea.

sometimes i see it like an eye blinks.

sometimes it lingers in my dreams.

only my soul,

could ever know what it means.