i called you at a gas station,

running from feelings and friends,

so selfless but as scary as demons,

choosing shaking over reason.

i saw a street sign you hung onto,

i saw a smile you used to give,

before you stopped giving,

a flawless time i never saw.

i saw my life in ribbons,

when my drinking raced,

to the one you didnt exist.

I'd give anything to reinvent this.

a second chance,

you shouldnt give.

old friends lie,

waiting for me to die,

never looking in the eye.

like my mother in time,

i choose the coward side.

but my soul is only mine,

would you call it a crime,

if i wanted this life?

i used to feel each moment you felt.

a year flies by.

while i wait for the snow:

so fresh and unknown.

where i never heard your screams,

and I never felt your feelings.

every footprint at night,

could not record in that pure white.

I have lived, losing many lives,

even the ones that were mine.

i wish you were proud,

in line,

i see each soul,

that never turned around.

I've melted into the ground,

i feel some things that keep me loud.

god and alcohol arent allowed,

i pray my loss,

is something else i found.

silent knocks on my door,

i don't see you,

what did i adore

cigarettes in front of my door.


its horrifying,

silently sliding through another night.

crying and trying, I'm dye

ing to change each night before it.

i'd spend a lifetime,

tearing stars from the night,

just to recreate your life.