your eyes melt mine,
but still i stare.
your laugh brings back,
what wasn't there.

i want to jump off,
be one with the ground.
i lose myself when you aren't around.
change me to a cloud,
i'll stay a while.
watch you from a bird's eye,
count the ways you breathe,
from a couple miles high.
I'll get sad and pour rain,
clear skies for your smile.

you're a mess,
you should depart.
these feelings,
though good,
weren't built for new starts.
you're still breaking,
all these broken hearts.
you want to throw them all for peace,
some love was all i thought i needed,
never knew I'd leave behind,
the things i loved, for simple lies:

I'm not drunk,
I'm doing just fine.

2013 -

(frozen ice,
infected windows.
silent room,
the swollen snow)

2014 -

(your parent's house,
a subtle stay,
the carpet shuffled,
crooned your name.
joked a broken leg,
to stay with you,
i left in love,
that wasn't true)

2016  -

(you threw my gifts,
the parking lot,
i gave my all,
and then i lost)

2019 -

(I took a sip,
to loosen up.
forgot my shift,
to nurse my cuts.
your knocks upon,
my lonely door,
i opened up,
your face adored)

1999 -

(my feet found floor,
my parent's room,
i walked in song,
my mind in tune)

1993 -

(your shadowed face,
i can't replace,
such words I meant,
but couldn't say.
i wish you'd stayed,
i wondered things,
your absent ghost,
i never faced)

don't let me down,
if you did, i'd be fine.
for the seconds and minutes,
i felt you were mine.
if you're here, come tomorrow,
i will pray we're alright.
you will stay in my thoughts,
for the rest of my life.

the sun is bright,
your job is terrible.
you're always tired,
you can't sleep.
your words are grey,
without a drink.

but that's okay,
you need a rest,
no more goodbyes.
your family loves you,
stay a while.
how do i say I'm terrified?