alcohol slowly fills my stomach.

i'm only fine because i can handle it,

stop signs are nothing,

and i'm closer to ending it.

my favorite thought is here,

if i could eat it i would.

can't wait to embarass myself,

to every friend and family-member,

i'm only semi-glad im still here,

but aren't you too?

if pride were a thing,

i'd trade it for more,

and spit out the rest.

like a left hook in midnight,

keeping you here while others stood,

i couldn't handle it until I could.

i thought you were loved,

but i was misunderstood,

now every step you can't take,

i will try to instead.

i wouldn't trade those starry eyes,

couldn't heal your arms around me,

shouldn't let such a thing fade away,

or so i said.

would have given you the moon,

if i could, it would be yours,

but I'm just a fool,

or so i said.

should have loved while i was whole,

could have kept my piece of soul,

but now my thoughts won't fade away,

or so i say.

even in my dreams,

i can't escape these things.

you weren't here,

and you weren't here.

and you weren't here.

and you weren't here.

you weren't here.

a soul no star would ever want,

finding comfort in the darkest light.

holding on to hopeful blight,

a carried sickness through the night.

but i'll always hold it like it's mine.

the horrible things we endure,

flames for a flicker of comfort.

you stand in a room,

carrying a burden you can't explain,

but it sings from your face,

carrying generations of pain.

like an ocean water sting,

to be with you is not living,

it's an art of ignorance,

storing heaven inside its heavy hands,

for a single sliver of chance.

i could never be alone,

but that's why i'm so terrified.

spiraling self-doubt under skylight.

to remember your face,

under every star my eyes could count.

i could never be alone,

but i changed when my mom died.

i can't handle the dark,

i can't inhale the air.

i can't take this place anymore.

but morbid curiosity keeps me livin',

and i've absorbed so much pain,

i've swallowed what terrifies me.

but i could never do it twice.