i carved you in threes on my heart,

before i could carve in too deep,

like your hair over waitroom chairs,

your curls spiraled in the unknown,

when only we were there.

we stared at elevators,

with their outer template,

numerical, stood in place,

you asked me of my favorite.

it was always one more than you.

i couldn't know if i tried.

too far from where you've been.

i wasn't yours to keep.

but someone kept me here.

did you know i was all that'd be left?

when my heart lost its light?

when your grey turned to white?

when your life changed mine twice?

Only i would stand there.

i would stand there again,

i would remember to live,

while you learned how to be.


living alone in the roots,

holding fast to your feet,

burying yourself in a hell,

trying to change what you see.

alcohol was the only good dream,

but relief is earned,

now your house is only hers,

like an extension of you,

like a thing that remembers you,

and you're stuck in it's head.

alcohol slowly fills my stomach.

i'm only fine because i can handle it,

stop signs are nothing,

and i'm closer to ending it.

my favorite thought is here,

if i could eat it i would.

can't wait to embarass myself,

to every friend and family-member,

i'm only semi-glad im still here,

but aren't you too?

if pride were a thing,

i'd trade it for more,

and spit out the rest.

like a left hook in midnight,

keeping you here while others stood,

i couldn't handle it until I could.

i thought you were loved,

but i was misunderstood,

now every step you can't take,

i will try to instead.

i wouldn't trade those starry eyes,

couldn't heal your arms around me,

shouldn't let such a thing fade away,

or so i said.

would have given you the moon,

if i could, it would be yours,

but I'm just a fool,

or so i said.

should have loved while i was whole,

could have kept my piece of soul,

but now my thoughts won't fade away,

or so i say.

even in my dreams,

i can't escape these things.

you weren't here,

and you weren't here.

and you weren't here.

and you weren't here.

you weren't here.

a soul no star would ever want,

finding comfort in the darkest light.

holding on to hopeful blight,

a carried sickness through the night.

but i'll always hold it like it's mine.