In the midst of all my happiness and all that makes me proud

The window of life is wide open....
Without curtains I can't help, but notice the sad, lonely, heart broken lives outside.

The ugly world keeps my world small.
The less I let in....

The less I see.

The less I hurt....

But the Windows open and there are no curtains.....

And my heart is open and broken.

I'm am but one person. I do my part, but it's never enough and then there's thoughs who are dealing with loss....
As I myself deal with loss.

There's no remedy only an attempt to comfort and hope for relief.

My window and heart wide open....

Am I also spreading sorrow....

I was crowned, made popular, by the friends that found me.
Every girl was sincerely friendly.....

The jealousy a secret ever girl kept.
Competition fierce, and Manipulating.

Now friends were enemies.

Whispers of lies beckoned my fall.

Still innocent my friends knew.

From thier lips gossip grew.

They took my values and the truth, like magicians who I was, disapeard.

As a teen I began to break, little games and silly names.

My so called friends tried to create my prison.
In self defense a new me had risen.
Like a vampire my heart grew cold, my words cruel and beyond bold.

I held my crown, to win the fight....
I held my crown and cried at night.

They didn't break me, I survived and rose up high.

The crown they bestowed wasn't a prize.

Shallowness sent them my way....

I didn't understand they saw me as clay.

Inside I stayed me all along

Just a little more aware and much more strong.

Just a little less me and a lot more wrong....

Just a little less....

and a lot more......

maybe is a powerful word
full of hope and disappointment at the very same time.

A poem of words unknown or simply forgotten for a life so harshly or wonderfully lived.

Break out your dictionary, because lives we live are far more extravagant then words most hold within.

Nothing makes a darker heart
Than a heart that lives in false light.

A heart so sheltered from life's cruel embrace is much more fragile.

Unknown to the pain of loss of love, blinded by forced smiles, unknowingly bought friends and won attention.

Nothing darker than a heart so naive.

A heart as such is far more dangerous.

It's defense for the light is exactly the darkness it will seek.

Nothing can keep a heart in the light like the cold distance and shelter of the dark.

The world and it's splendid beauty is only wondrous because of the incredible depths of love and the eternal grief in loss.

Nothing more precious then a feeling so delicate.

Nothing more appreciated than something, somewhat lost.

Nothing more human then to welcome inevitable pain, when opening the doors to true love.

Rejecting such hurt will harden your heart
Allow It to feel.... 
Really feel and then cry.

For the dark of love follows with vast light.

How can anyone hear me
When I can't hear myself
When I don't want to hear myself

Will I be lost forever
Will I ever find comfort in myself

It's not so tragic.... I have some descent moments.
But times like this....
My heart weeps of  loneliness.

It seems sometimes hopeless
It seems a waste.....
But once in a while I get a glimpse and my emptiness subsides.

I don't love my pain. It's a very heavy cross to bear.
It's my familiar place.... It feels safe.

You can't be broken while invisible.

I can't be anything.... Not even me.

As safe as I feel.... I'm so lost.

I'm lonely  watching the world pass by.

Is this what should be , cause with all this pain......
I can still see beauty in the world.

Let me smile a bit more.
Let life open some happy doors.
Let me share the love inside and accept The love outside.

Right now I matter not, but perhaps some day soon I will.
And hopefully I can be a better me that smiles to.