I want to escape
   This cold, dreary town
    Where people get high
     Off dragging you down.

  We'll make a new world
   Where we can stay for a while,
    Where people understand
     And everyone smiles.

  I'm tired of this Concrete Avenue
   Where the sky is grey and the people are blue.
  We'll build cities on clouds out of morning dew,
   With rainbows in our souls, we'll see it through,
                 Me and you.

Mother, I have failed you,
         Participated in the destruction
         Of the beautiful land you gave us.
                I have cleared away emerald life,
                And replaced it with stone,
                Building metal towers
                As hollow as my soul.

         Mother, I have failed you,
         Joined the hunts and butchery
         That so indifferently rip apart children.
                A decade I stood strong
                Against the cruelty of it all,
                But I was weak, and they pushed,
                And so, I did fall.

         Mother, I have failed you,
         Disobeying natural patience
         And giving in, throwing away the virtue
                I thought I wanted to,
                So I allowed the lust  
                To consume me,
                I thought that I must.

                                    The petals fell from the adolescent tree
                                     And fluttered in the winds of change.
                                       I'm sorry, Mother, for growing up,
                                        And entering a world so strange.

I run.            
                                  I sprint as fast as I can.
                                  Not that there's any need.
                                  There's nothing trying to keep me,
                                                No guards,
                                                No fences,
                                                Not even the rope;
                                           It wore away with every lie.

                      I smile.
                                  I can feel the freedom
                                  As it pulses through my veins.
                                  I no longer feel the crimson love
                                                Pouring,
                                                Rushing,
                                                Escaping from cuts,
                                           All my scars are healed at last.

                      I sing.
                                  I allow my soul's song to fill the air.
                                  For the first time in forever,
                                  It is neither a scream nor a cry
                                                For mercy,
                                                For relief,
                                                For an end to the pain,
                                           The dark prison fades in the distance.  


                                                           I simply cannot understand
                                                     Why they believe I should lament
                                                                        This freedom,
                                                                  When, in all honesty,
                                                                                  I've never felt more alive.

I am staring down
From my  cliff-top refuge
Among clouds and chirped melodies
Into nothing...

          I know there is ground,
          A harsh reality waiting to catch me
          And shatter me...
                    But where?
                              Will I feel the embrace
                              Of the piercing rocks awaiting
                              In a week,
                              Or a year?
                                        If I jump,
                                        Will I fall alone,
                                        Or will you be there
                                        Holding my hand
                                        And pulling me clear
                                        Of the rough edge
                                        That wants to scrape and scratch my skin?

          As I fall,
          I am weightless,
          At peace...
                    But I fear the end,
                    When sea-sharpened teeth tear at my flesh,
                    And the ocean pours salt into my open wounds...
                              The open jaws of failure
                              Are inevitable,
                              Inescapable,
                                        If I dare jump...

                    But if I stay here,
                    In my solitary sanctuary
                    Of summer solstice,
                    I am guaranteed
                              Safety,
                    At the cost of submitting
                              To apathy,
                    To stay in this haven of detachment
                    I must be stoically unsatisfied.

          So it seems
          That I am torn apart by indecision,
          The ifs and buts cutting me deeper
          Than the rocks
          That lurk beneath the shroud of uncertainty
          Ever could.

                    Maybe you would be my wings...
                    Maybe the adrenaline would stir my motionless heart...
                              If I jump, I will land,
                              And be consumed by that monster of grief,
                              But falling would bring me such relief,
                              Possibly eternal, probably brief...

I stand on the edge of the cliffs,
Perfectly halfway between my refuge and the abyss...
          Arms outstretched,
          Eyes closed,
          I will let the wise winds of fate decide.

Reading your words of hate I start to think
Was it me that pushed you to that virulent brink,
Contemning the world, or were you always that way?
I don't recollect or recall ever hearing you say
Satan gripped your throat, or that your angels cried
Tears of blood when you looked to their mournful eyes.
I confessed to biting the apple in their sympathetic trials,
But more lies still concoct in this alchemist's phials.

          I found myself writing the way I used to long ago,
          But God knows I don't feel the way I did.
          I try to remember all I learnt in Eden's groves,
          But I can't find the lessons in memories I hid.

You can hate me all you want, it changes nothing,
'Cause it's dead and gone and I find my new self coughing
And choking on the words that I have to whisper to them;
I am silently descending to a distant end.
I've painted all my sins onto these walls in my mind,
But someday I'll be leaving this all behind,
Taking nothing but the signatures and faded scars,
Leaving behind pieces of my blackened heart.

          Have I found myself, or is the girl I am long gone?
          I don't know the reflection in the pools of tears.
          As I sit hear repeating words of other's songs,
          I met their expectations by embodying their fears.

I failed and ruined every single thing that mattered
Lying in the shards of glass from mirrors I shattered.
They cut into my lungs and rattle in my hollow chest
As I lay here and force out these final breaths.
Your heart dances to read I'm close to the end,
Do you remember when we said we'd stay as friends?
I was wrong, it turns out I do despise you,
I can't forgive or forget the monster I see inside you.

          I find myself look up and ask "Who are we now?"
          And see nothing but bitter clouds blocking the sun,
          A deadening silence cascades on all that surrounds,
          I am lost, but this is something you haven't won.


                                    (If life is just another ****** up examination
                                     I'll die ungraded, degraded by this thoughtless nation.
                                      If life is just another step towards a place in heaven
                                       I will gladly walk to hell, 'cause I am filled with the seven.
                                        And it is with no knowledge of on whom I can depend
                                                 I will sit here, won't pray,
                                                     Continue to pretend
                                                         ­   I'm okay.)