Cigar cutter arms
Reaching, ever reaching
But are they mine
Or yours?
There’s nothing to do
There’s nothing I can do
Just leave me to myself
He emotes so hard
It’s so hard to emote
Slammed doors
Shut mind
Heavy with pain
In his knees
In his brain
Pulls him under
Waves crashing, crunching
My body
Keeps getting thinner
He holds my head under
He is a strong swimmer

I attempt to align my aches with his
For every one of his nightmares
I have a memory
For every panic attack
A physical assault
I consider propping up his bruises with my scars
We could build a church
Or a bar
Structured out of bullet holes
Supported by columns of razor burns

I buy a plane ticket instead
I build wings from all my tickets
I build a house, a home, a car, a manicured lawn
A husband, 2.4 kids, a dog, memberships with Al-Anon
And yet I still have leftovers
To share
With all the angels of this city

But oh, what a pity
That audacity
Is not the same as love
Diseased pigeons don’t count as doves
He said,
“Baby, it’s all in your head”
I said,
“Yeah, well, that’s what I’m afraid of.”

I am a runaway woman-******* the loose
Dodge bullets, dodge compliments
Slide out of my noose
There’s nothing I can’t do
I’ll just leave you to yourself
I’ll just leave you

I am notorious
Notoriously hard to get
I will always be the girl who finds a way
The woman who gets her way
The one who got away
Just in time

Trust,
A funny word really
A stupid concept
Why open up
Why let people in
They care for one reason
It helps themselves
It allows them to have a peaceful mind
But trust is a ******* lie
Never is it kept
No matter how hard you try
It's always ripped away
It slaps you in the face
Leaves you lying on the ground
It has no boundaries as to where to stop
It will leave you bleeding more than any cut
It's pain slices deep, wounding
Agonizing hurt, misuse ringing in your ear
Telling you
YOU are the fool
YOU gave me out
YOU let your guards down
Are you mad at ME for YOUR ******* moves?
Mmhhh that's funny too
Blame me for wrecking you ?
When in reality,
It was YOU all along
Your a ****** *******
YOU WANTED to tell you wanted the attention
YOU WANTED them to feel sorry
No matter how much you deny it
That selfish ***** "sliver" of you leaked out
You messed it all up
You wanted pity
Well guess what now you have it
Now everyone knows your ***** little secret
And all because you misused the words
"I trust you"
All because you were too ****** weak
To pathetic to hold your stupid *** together
Your exposed because in truth
THAT is what you wanted all along
You stupid *** *****
There is never such a thing called trust
NEVER will it stay between just you and them
And you KNEW THAT *****
This is your fault
You see never is there trust
Just the falsity of it
Just the green screen as to what happens
Just this lie, deception
Because really trust was never yours  
To be handing out
So really was it the betrayal that hurt you
With broken trust
Or maybe, just maybe
It was yourself

I'm tired and numb
I bow my head and look at the floor
Stained and yellow and tainted with blood
I wash away the hidden identity
You come home with a smile on your face
You see nothing, no trace of me
You see the knife in the sink and pick it up
There is nothing; not one thing
I pull back the tears I so badly want to cry
The ones that I know you want to see
And with those tears I know I can express those feelings
But I'm afraid you won't see them
I'm not myself anymore but you just don't realize it
You pay no attention as I skip my meals and hide away
I'm scared and you don't know that
I wish you could just understand
I feel cold as I run from myself
I am frozen and shrug it away
This blade is the only way that I can compete with this pain
And sooner or later it goes away
I try to scream out but I never can be heard
You don't listen for that scream
I pull down my sleeves and shove my wrists in your face
And yet you see absolutely nothing
This other side of me is trapped
Trying to be heard
I don't want to make the other choice
The one where I disappear for life
I've thought about it, I truly have
I try to tell you but my voice just cracks
I don't want to be sent away to some crazy camp
Can't you understand that I want your help?
Your hands on mine
Your tears with mine
You sobs combined with mine
And yet I feel and hear nothing
Take this burden from my shoulders
Throw it away and chop it to pieces
I want to just stop and give up
But i can never find the strengths to do it
And this pain I finally extinguish
Won't be because you helped me
It won't be because you finally heard me
But because that single thread has been broken
I'm trapped inside and not knowing what to do
I'm scared and Im sad and you don't get it
I don't know my next step or what I might finally do
And yet you still walk around being you
Please hear me
Please see me
Before I do something I might truly regret
And leave everything behind

Today my heart is aching
For a man that's far away
I would give anything to hold him
And any ransoms I would pay
I find my mind just Wanders
To a sandy barren hell
And pray that my loving thoughts
Find my soldier safe and sound
Each night before I go to bed
I look up to the skies
And the moon brings me comfort
As tears brim in my eyes
Despite the miles between us
We still shar the stars and sun
So I gaze upon them often
It helps me know we are still one
So as I lie down on my pillow
I close my eyes and think of you
Not only in my waking moments
But you are in all my dreams too
My gorgeous handsome solider
I love you with all my heart
And the hardest thing I've ever done
Is have to accept we had to part
But our love is so much stronger
Than any force I've ever known
In the short time we've been together
It's amazing how much it's grown
So until we are reunited
Please stay safe and strong
My heart is yours forever
With you is where it belongs
Think about me often
My gorgeous handsome man
To wait for you forever
Is my battle plan

You gave me a reason to live
You gave me a reason to hope
You gave me so much
I can never ask for more

I wish you could see
My love for you is a large sea
I wish you could kiss
And hold me tight
All through the night

In my heart
You're the only one
I want you with me always
Till our days are done
Goodbye
I don't really want to say goodbye
I don't really want to leave you
But now I have to go away
Stay away from you forever

What we had was something special
Deep down from our hearts
But now I have to go away
And leave you from my heart

I try to forget but can't
I try to die yeah I can
Mind suddenly gone
My end is near
Nothing to do now
But to tell you
I Love You