years ago
i had presents ready
and stayed up all night
memories ago
i had paragraphs written
and typed out my heart
lifetimes ago
when we were
friends
but today
i sit quietly in the dark
still staying up late
only now
the words barely leave my mind
and get stuck in my throat:
Happy Birthday
i only wish
we’d still talk

somewhere out there
is a version of me
that only exists
in your mind


please hold me dear
please nurture it
please think of me
do not let me go
extinct

i miss you
i’d shout
into the clouds
but it’d turn into fog
for the truth
is becoming ever clearer
i do not miss you
i miss
what we used to be
i miss the version of me
that only you remember

does it ever get easier?
remembering?
has anything
ever been as difficult
as letting go?

i despair
i wallow
in my own misery

i laugh
i live
i move on

and realise
the world keeps turning
without you
in my life

i think i love you
i love the way you smile
i love the parts you hide
i love you when you’re sad
i love you when everything is mad
i love how you light up
every room that you’re in
everywhere that you’ve been
i know i love you

you’ve taken
roots in me
spreading
all throughout
my core
you’re blossoming
inside my chest
so much
i cannot find
my way
back home


to myself

when the night ends
so do i
because my true self
only shines
once the sun
goes down