i love you
more than words can say
i love you
in every single way

i may not be good at showing it
or have the words to describe
your love is something im not afraid to admit
and your name is on my heart inscribed

i loved you
and then i realized
the person i would turn to
was a misunderstood disguise

while i may not have the bruises on my body
or proof on my skin
i know your abuse was noticed by somebody
and they knew what could have been

im finally out of this mess
i could open my eyes and see
that i may have not been the best
but i would never hurt you like you hurt me

He looked at her and smiled
She looked at him in shock
He continued to hurt her
But she can not say stop

Too many things going on
Too many things to say
Not a sound came out of her
On the recliner as she lay

At 10 years old
In fourth grade
She finally spoke out
No longer wanting to be afraid

A series of investigations
And interviews galore
They said there was no evidence
But she didn't want to hear anymore

Ten years later
At 17 years old
She sees him on facebook
And her blood runs cold

Panic runs through her
And memories appear
She constantly hurts herself
With pieces of a broken mirror

23 years later
At 30 years old
She has a house and a family
And the parts of her life begin to mold

She is not who she was at 7
Or who she was at 17
Her trauma does not define her
And she finally understands what life really means

It was you and me
Against everyone else
But nobody could see
Your honest, true self

The abuse was not at all physical
And no one had a clue
This made my mental health critical
With my heart severely damaged, too

I tried and I tried
To get far away
I even lied
So I wouldn't have to stay

But you refused to let go
Of the girl you claimed you loved
Even when her self esteem was low
Because of your so called "love"

Our story has finally ended
And we have both said our goodbyes
It may be hard to make our hearts mended
But we knew this was better when we looked into each other's eyes

I'm done with you controlling me
Or telling me I'm not good enough
I'm done with you only letting me see
Things in me that make my self esteem so rough

I have tried with all my heart
To convince myself that I'm fine
But with you here, I can't set myself apart
It seems I'm running out of time

I wish you would leave
And never come back
I wish I would've never believed
You telling me the things I lack

I am trying so hard
To not care about what you say
I have made it so far
But I just want to give up some days

Here I am in recovery
Doing what I can
Working on this discovery
To fight for who I really am

When my mom said there was no evidence
I couldn't believe my ears
My nightmares were turning to reality
And so were my fears

I was so depressed
So I stayed up at night
Always hurting myself
And wondering if suicide was right

Nightmares and flashbacks
Those were all I knew
But still, I kept quiet
No one had a clue

Attempt after attempt
They would never work
I tried everything
But the thoughts would always lurk

So I took a step back
And I racked my brain
For reasons to get better
And to not go insane

What needs to happen
Is I need to forgive you
Not for you, but for me
I hope you can forgive yourself, too

I am sorry
For not attending your needs
I am sorry
For how little I made your mental illness seem

I'm sorry I didn't care more
I'm sorry  I didn't try
I'm sorry for not letting you open up to me more
I'm sorry for not letting you cry

If I could go back in time
I wouldn't hurt you like I did
I should've known you wouldn't of been fine
Because of the trauma you experienced as a kid

But there's no turning back
What's done is done
You're slowly learning to be in tact
And it's been a good run

I must let go
Of making you act like a fool
And having you feel so low
But in the future, you will rule

It's been so rough
And I hope you can't see
All the struggles that I have faced
Please don't be disappointed in me

I miss you so much
I'm always shedding tears
Right before I sleep
I really hope you can't hear

I really am trying
I'm trying my hardest, Dad
Recovery is so far
I just wish I wasn't sad

I know you don't want to see your little girl
Battling her own mind
But there's something I need to tell you
It's that I'll be fine

I will keep doing my best
And I will fight this depression
With the help of mom and brothers
And every therapy session

But it gets really hard
Almost 13 years have gone by
I'm almost 18 now
Doesn't time fly?

I don't want to say goodbye
But I know I have to
So here it is now
Daddy, I'll never forget you