we spent the day believing in the future
we didn't set our clocks strange
but just spent our future time void of frivality
We lived intentionally,
As if tomorrow was our last
We jumped right over the present and started living it.
We ate our last dumplings
Kicked our past pile of grass clippings
Pulled a tick out of your dog
Bought the last box if bandaids.
You said we were going to need them to cover up all our mistakes
I hoped we'd save a few to push the broken bits of my heart back together.
we both hoped for scars
Reminders to the future
That at one point
We lived

The man with a tear drop tattoo by his left eye
just winked at me with his right
I can't breathe
because of more than one factor:

this bus smells like the worst kind of bus stench.
this man is the sole reason the bus smells.
this man is a killer.

The tear drop was because:
"I put that guy to sleep, and he didn't wake up,
I did the crime and I did the time,
It's my way or the highway
to hell.
I'll see him there though."
With a laugh following each line.
Just the perfect heartless laugh,
that showed me exactly who this man was.
So I stopped breathing.

He has held a body so close to death
that he saw the last flashing images
of first love
lost love
unconditional love
and he pushed that body
into the light of the projector.
as he pushed,
he might have shielded his eyes
he might have stared, like a daring child at an eclipse.

he has held a body so close to death
that he heard the rattling croak of empty, thirsty lungs
and the swish of a cloak on a body so desperate for the warmth of another's pressed against its own.
he has held a body so close to death
that he could feel all the love held inside of it
like the flashing images were replaying and replaying
like a vhs rewinding and fast-forwarding
heating the corpse for the journey home.
he has held a body so close to death,
that for the job to be done
all he had to do was let go.

There is a man spending money
on me.
I pay the favors no mind
I say thank you
I sip classy cocktails
I never ask for more.
I accept
I am practicing being a lady
But the worst kind.

I will not inform him of our age difference
until it is pulled from me
like a splinter.
I stretch truths like an archer's bow
Flawless, unwavering draws
I keep my breathing steady
and give nothing away.
I am practicing being a lady.
I am coy when I change the subject from me
Mysterious when I feign interest.
I am a lady when I graze his arm
And kiss him in shadows

I will tell my grandchildren
I never thought this could happen to any girl in the real world,
just in movies, in dreams, on stars and dandelion puffs of breath,
birthday candles, through tunnels, over bridges, and at certain hours of the day
But certainly not to me.

I am not an actress
but I am playing a part.
I tame my blush
and smother my girlish traits
I've stopped wearing cotton
and I have considered shaving my legs for the first time in three years.

I am doing things that ladies do
ladies that have money spent on them
stereotypes I would have bashed
had I not seen the perk to playing into them
I will play this part.
I will do my nails

I am doing it for my grandchildren
to shock.
I am this strange woman who I once, as a strange woman
would have scoffed at.
But there's no time for scoffing now,
just acting.
I am doing it for myself
to shock.

To all those who reach this earth decomposing,
May you reenter this planet with vivacity
Run free with the sparkle of life.
I hunger to hunger as deep as you
To never cease
To have a penetrable mind
To understand the curves of my body do not restrict my movement
I will move past the bend in my spine
The arch of my foot
The joints in my arms
I will run faster than my legs can carry me
To the army of open arms,
You spread harmony among the masses
We are equal in your eyes
I will become instinct and reaction
I will be the flight to your fight
You have given us wings.
To you who have returned against “never”
May you prosper on this ancient land you’ve left
You beacon of hope to those of us with forgotten dreams
And broken promises
You are the exception, and therefore the healer
May we hold on to the hope this brings us
May we too break rules and skew pattern.
Thank you, you the soldiers of woe
Clearing the path of the heavy weights on our souls
The sickness before the health
And the parting do us death