here are a few things you should know about me...

i'm insane. i'm 17 and insane. and while i cannot take credit for these words, i thank ray bradbury for putting my life in such simple terms.

i like to think of myself as an actress, a singer, a poet, and a dreamer. while the first three may not be true, i have no doubt that the last is all too accurate.

much of humanity disgusts me. i hate school, because people my age are so incredibly immature and, frankly, stupid. given that these are the people i usually come in contact with, i often avoid said contact at all costs. that's why i love acting class; age is irrelevant.
acting is all about defying limits.

i'm really not an awkward person,
which you probably have a difficult time believing, because literally everything i've done when i've been around you has been not only awkward, but incredibly idiotic. i ruined my own joke when i told you i didn't want you to have my number. i could have been really cool and let you kiss my cheek and just walked away, but no. i had to make it stupid and awkward and make an absolute, utter fool of myself. and then stand at your car laughing at myself, and prolonging the idiocy. i don't know what it is about you that makes me act so
stupid and clumsy, but i hope it made you laugh,
because we all need some comic relief in our lives.

i'm kind of a guarded person. correction - i'm a very guarded person. while other people have "walls," i have a security system from the year 3001 built up around my soul, which itself is like a medieval castle. i'm technically an extrovert, but it's not like my "recharging" is going out and partying with friends; my "recharging" is going out and dancing with complete strangers.
i don't drink, but i sure as hell do dance.

that's where you come in...
i'm great at hiding my feelings. i always have been. life has forced me to be great at hiding my feelings. but when i am around you, every mask i've ever created is ripped from my face, along with the layer of skin that has been permanently warped by the heat of those masks and the faces i really make and the makeup that the world and
society has forced me to paint myself with.
the masks disappear.

i have met very few people in my life that have had that capability, and while it terrifies me,
i like it.

i can't remember the last time my true skin met the cool breeze of the world around me, so i have to thank you;
you have removed the masks.
you have let my skin breathe again.

Full of hate
Full of anger
Full of sadness
Full of broken pieces
Of broken parts
Of broken hearts

An ended life
A lifeless body
A bodiless soul

Hanging in the air
Lingering
Hunting
Haunting

Full of blackness
Full of blankness
Full of emptiness

Empty
Yet
Full

Full of confusion
Full of shame
Full of blame
Full of torture
Full of hurt

Full of regret
Full of fallenness
Full of worry
Full of worthlessness
Full of exhaustion

Full in death

Walking into a train station
is like walking through a wrinkle in time.

Somehow the gravity and the energy of the hustle and bustle of the metropolis around you
finds its center. Not so slowly,
it begins to stir.

People are going places, moving too quickly onward to whatever bigger and better place it is they're getting to, to appreciate the world in which they already exist.
They walk at two paces: 1) too slowly for anyone else to follow behind, or 2) too fast to keep up with in the unnatural ebb and flow of humanity.
The former remain oblivious.
The latter brush by, passing into you the rushing that has set into their souls.

You don't know much about a traveling life when you're not boarding a train.
All you know is the information of places and arrival times provided to you in neon lights,
and whatever it is that overcomes your body and being as you see people rush through the gate to their designated platforms.
Some feel an unceasing anxiety.
Others feel an ineffable and unquenchable longing to be transported into the World Across the Gates.

For the first time in your life,
you realize how truly insignificant you are. For the first time in your life,
you define translucence. For the first time in your life,
you are in a place full of people who do not know you, would not miss you, and, if you made a split-second decision to buy a ticket to the place farthest from home, would not question you if they even noticed in the first place. For the first time in your life,
you are really and truly free;
freer than you've ever been before.