Stop showing
You love me
A little at a time.

Stop saying
You care
Bit by bit.

Stop keeping
Me here
For tiny pieces of time.

Because I need
All of you
Not piece by piece.

I love
All of you
Not just some parts of you.

So love all of me
All the way
All the time.

Or let all of me go
All at once
For good.

Just in case you didn’t know

You are perfect

You are a freak of nature

A happy accident

So fragile

Like some old century vase on a pedestal being thrown across a room

You

Have a voice

A voice that when you speak all I wanna do is stay

You put me in awkward situations

Like how sometimes we sit close and I just wanna put my arm around you

No reason

I just get this urge to do it

How I sometimes just want to tell you how lonely hallways feel,

And how empty the ballrooms are

Why don’t they have those anymore?

‘cause I’d dance with you

Hold you in my arms nothing short of forever

You

are perfect

Because you have eyes

Eyes that see better than most of the blind things
And feet that help you move, but never take you far

When we walk away from each other it always feels like slow motion

And there is strange music in the background that makes me feel like the Beast

I stay up nights just waiting for you

You are perfect

Like shallow breathes of air

After almost drowning

Reminds me life is short

Can you hear it?

That music?

Must be getting ready to leave me again

Just know

before you go

You are perfect

Perfect like

Hands

And old people

Perfect like awkward situations

Like those silly sad reminders that life is short

Just

Perfect

You can’t leave without getting what you came here for

I know it’s hard

Finding meaning in life is about as cliché as a needle in a haystack

Just achin’ to fill in the empty spots

With anything you can get your hands on

Got some gaps festering

Afraid to unplug and let the hurt bleed out

Cuz at least you know your holes are full

But life

It punches us toothless

Won’t let us sleep at night

With the ache of mystery

You want a purpose

Hold tight and live

Just live

Like plants and housecats

Someone once told me that there’s a forest of redwoods out there

So big with roots so tightly woven you can’t tell where one tree begins and another ends

You got roots planted in my heart

Each step you take is a purpose

I can feel you even when you aren’t close

So don’t leave me

Not yet

We got too much fire fueling engines in our feet

Just walk with me

I’ll find you a purpose

There are haystacks everywhere

And a heartful of needles buried beneath

Just don’t leave

before you get

Whatever it is that you need

Maybe it was weird that I didn’t move my hand

When it rested against yours

Or that I didn’t move my leg when our knees touched

Or that when we slept facing opposite directions

So we could share the same pillow

I pretended to be asleep when my lips touched your forehead

Just so we could be close a minute longer

I know I cry in my sleep

But you don’t have the same dreams I do

And you don’t have that awkward belief

That all people fit like puzzles if you press hard enough

What the hell do you think hugs are?

Or holding hands is?

I know I can’t accidentally fall into you

And sure

maybe it’s weird that I rub my socks into the carpet

With the sole purpose of shocking you

But how else do you make sparks fly?

I know that my life’s story is an open book I tell so well

My pages are shameless

And my words are honest

And yeah

I know I stare at your mouth when you speak

It’s just that

Eye contact freaks me out

And I’m sorry I spaced out while you were talking

It’s just that I was staring at your lips

And I suddenly wanted to kiss you

I know I have no filter

And am practiced in the art of bad timing

And poor explanations

But we’re only human

We only want simple things

Like to be needed by other humans

Go ahead

Need me like a parasite

I’ve already got so much excess baggage

The weight of your monkey on my back

Might as well be an anchor

Keeping me next to you

There should be dents in your memory foam by now

Pretty lady

There are dents in my cheeks from all the smiling you cause me

And I’m pretty sure you could light a match

From the heat in my face

So I am sorry if I can get a little creepy

It just means I like you

men see me
little more than a face
legs
****
*******

to you
i am only a hole for you
to stick your **** into.

i am so much more than that.

i have eyes and fingertips
ankles and feet to hold me up as you kick me down.

i was 12 and naive
when i was *****

i was 17 and in love
when i was *****.

i was 19 and moving too fast.
when i was *****.


did you know that you ***** me?
did it ever cross your tiny ball of grey matter that i meant no when i said it?
that the look on my face was not pleasure
but pleading
for you to stop?

no, it may not have hurt my beautiful little cuntgirl
but it hurt the girl inside my heart

and she hates you

she never wants to see you again.

did you know that you ***** me once?

i was 12
on a tattered couch
reeking of cigarettespotandcatpiss.

and he pushed my head further down
until i gagged
and i gagged

over and over
did you know that you ***** me?


whatever reason.
whatever reason you gave me
will never
could never
heal this anger
and disgust.


i was 17
when he assumed
that i wanted his **** inside me.
and he granted me the favor
over and over
and i loved him too much to say no
but i cried
when it was over.
and i left him in his sad armchair
with his pants around his knees
and my heart on my sleeve

but no more.


i was 19
and i was no longer stupid
i knew that two weeks was too fast
i knew that if he asked, i would say no

i told myself, if he asks, i will say no.
i will tell him no if he asks.
i knew that if he asked, i would say no.

he never asked.

he penetrated
and shoved against me like bulldozers

and left me feeling so cold
with my head on his chest


but you were not the first
and you will probably not be the last
man
to see ME as a hole

for your ****


did you know that you ***** me?

you did.