gazing up at the stars he
peered the question;
"what is love?"

I thought for a few seconds,
something that could not
be answered by a thought
for a few seconds.
Clearing my throat to buy
more time, I recalled every
moment, second, minute of
love have ever been felt for
a person by me.

Indeed- I answered, said to
him that love was "the bare
nakedness of accepting and
beholding the flaws of a person."

As I recalled deeper I realized
I had never been part
of a love like that. In fact the
love I had described was
the love I wished I had
been in, but no, never have
I experienced such unique,
loving, love-filled love.

What is love?

In another life I will answer
that question in less than a few
seconds, gaze up at the sky
same as he, immerse in the
uncertainty and inconsistency
of the universe, and admit to
myself that the lie-filled reality
I have been living is nothing
in relation with love, for
I know not what love is.

Sometimes I think-
about the world and if it's
ever wrong about things.

I wonder if sometimes
it splits apart the wrong people
and if it lets those who
continuously harm and are
toxic to each other's existence;
toxic to each other's happiness
stay together.

I wonder if it always expects us
to fix its mistakes.

But if the universe can mess with
love, how are we ever supposed
to find the capability to overrule it?

Nature shows me just how destructive
the world can be with its wind
and its hurricanes, its tornadoes
and its blizzards.
The same way it stretches and squeezes,
shrinks and grows,
compresses and exfoliates,
supplies us with and strips us of the
oxygen we need to breathe, it does so
to the love I feel for you.

It gets back at us for all of the
damage we've done to its beauty.
It slowly picks the leaves off of
our trees of interest the same way
we cut them down to build a home.

But this world is the world's home.
The same way we've stolen it, the world
steals you from me.
The same way we "try our best" to use
alternative energy, it plants you right in
front of me, teasing me the same way
we humans do to make it seem as if
we care about extinction.
It gives me insight to how it feels, being
forced to separate from the rest of its
universe, feeling singled out,
punished that it had to be cursed with us.

See you were my home. The same way
the world could live and grow within
itself I could do with you. The same way
the sun rose with light and the moon
stood by in the dark you did with me.
The same way the world could show
its destruction and warmth I showed my
insecurities and passions with you.

Our love was symbolic of nature. The
strength to power through anything in
its way. And the world decided it wanted
you for itself.

The world noticed your uniqueness and
potential and unshakeable love. The world
noticed your mind and your eyes and your
heart. The world noticed you.

So from now on the stars will paint your
smile in the sky. From now on the sky will
become the shade of blue that's deep in
your eyes, the shade that's a mix of the
ocean.
From now on the world will take care of you,
as you do to it. It will take you to different sights,
to see different sunsets, hike to the tops of
mountains tipped with warm and positive energy.

And the world will be enough for you.
And the same way you'll admire all of its
beauties and comforts and blessings, I
have done to all the different parts of you.

Love,
Why do you leave me when I need you the most?
I have been telling my own ghost
About how empty I've been ever since you left my side
Too many tears I've shed I can no longer cry

Love,
Why do you hurt me when I let you fill my heart?
Inside I've been broken and torn apart
Because of how lonely I've felt within
As all your lies help the darkness creep in

Love,
Why do you let me go when I beg you to stay?
Now that you're gone it seems that half my heart has blown away
The roses you gave me have started to die
Did you enjoy hammering that delicate heart of mine?

Love,
Why do you tell me you love me when I know that you don't?
Why do you still promise to fulfill your promises of not hurting me when I know that you won't?
Why do you use me when you don't need me since you've already won?
Why do you make me depend on you for light like the sun?

Love,
Are you trying to feel powerful because someone made you feel weak?
You stole my heart and now my lungs and I can hardly speak
Did you always want to hurt me, was it always your plan?
Do you miss my footprints in the sand?

Love,
Why do you come by every day and not leave until night?
Are you trying to make up for when you left my life?
Bringing more and more flowers won't make it right
How do you feel now that I am not in sight?

Love,
Why do you cry that you miss me so much?
Why didn't you appreciate me when you had my touch?
Are you empty inside from the lost beat in my heart?
Does the guilt and regret tear you apart?

Love,
Have you let go yet of how I will not come back?
When you heard the news did it give you a heart attack?
Did you want me for me or did you just use me for you?
Did you ever really think that I’d love you, too?

Well it's too late now, Love,
Because I've already moved on
I'll leave it to you to realize what you did was wrong
Just as the miles were between us the ground beneath you does so
How does it feel now that this isn't the first time you've let me go?

you were the sun

and i was the moon,

you turned away

when i looked at you.

when the stars appeared

you had gone,

maybe alone in the darkness

is where i belong.

you left me here in the dark

every single trace of you dispersed

i made the mistake of looking to see all the stars in your eyes

and now i can't stop questioning the universe

trust me with your heart.

i will have did to you
all you have done to me,
and in the end,
“strangers”
will have been forgotten.
our love
will last.
broken and shattered hearts
will crumble beside our empty hands.
hopefulness
will enlighten itself within our souls.
darkness
will not exist.
love stories always written in books
will be named after us.
insecurity and misery
will not form in shadows at night.
worthlessness
promises that
i cannot keep you
happy.
you will never be
miserable.
you will be
loved.
do not ever think you could be
hurt by me.
i will be sure you are
always on my mind,
and with your broken heart
believe i will love you

(now read from bottom to top)

i'm not sure which is worse:
feeling alone or feeling lonely.
or not knowing the difference between the two
when i have been both.

people don't notice me.
and i think it may just be because i
live in a different world.
maybe because i live inside my head.
which may just be my biggest mistake,
it is a living hell
inside of this place.
and i am constantly hearing knocks
and the sounds of people telling me
to move on.
how you don't need me.
how i am not a first choice.
how i am invisible.

and i am.

but i have moved on from that.
now the question is if anyone new
will notice me.
and we can agree you do not need anyone to
complete you.
but let's be honest:
it's a lot easier to let your tears out when
someone is there to let you pour them
into their ocean.

who knew if you listened hard enough
your loneliness would become so loud
too loud
you wouldn't be able to unhear it.

and i use the music to
drown out the sound.
but when i stop listening
i notice i've been keeping it in the whole time.

and now i know what's worst of all.

being so alone
being so lonely
that you no longer recognize your own voice
because many times it's done its
evil manipulation
of
turning you against yourself.
and you have become
your own worst enemy.

and no sounds of war
could compare to those
that go on in my head.