i laid in bed
wishing she was there next to me.
it’s still the same
six months later.
just now it’s after crying;
not smiling.

we never went on a date to the movies;
i think it’s because we always said we were
main characters.
the love interests of a movie.

i now think back and
realise why we didn’t;
because a love like ours
was only made for movie screens.

rosy freckled cheeks
and a smile i never thought would fade.
tears filled my eyes as you asked me the question
i was hoping to hear.
june 25th was that day.

seven words
that ended up promising forever and eternity.
i was scared that promise would break.
you promised me you didn’t break promises.
and i believed it.

and on december 7th
two promises were broken.
promises do get broken sometimes
but it just hurts to know
that this was one of them.

and it will hurt for a long time.

i gave you my hoodie during quarantine
we thought the distance was the hardest thing.
that hoodie has now lost your scent
that is really the hardest thing.

listening to love songs while being miles from you
i thought that was the hardest thing.
i am listening to those songs again
and that is the hardest thing.

wanting you by my side but you weren’t
i thought that was the hardest thing.
but when you’re really not even a text away
that really is the hardest thing.

all i wanted was a hug from you
i thought not having that was the hardest thing.
i currently only need a hug from you
not having one is really the hardest thing.

it hurts to know she’s not mine
“but ani she lost you”
no
she didn’t lose me
nor did i
she’s still here
loving and supportive
just not mine no more