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 Aug 2013 jude rigor
hkr
baby girl
 Aug 2013 jude rigor
hkr
when you are old enough to speak
do not call love
a mental disease
do not resent it, do not fight it
because love is pure
and love is good
it's only when you throw
life into the mix
that it becomes toxic.
i discovered a new belief.
 Aug 2013 jude rigor
Sarina
i:
Yellow jackets have their nests in the ground so they can
give their stingers to everyone
below three foot tall & never feel alone.

ii:
When I die
I want to be cremated to make room for another
five foot, four inch tall girl to live.

iii:
The woman who shall love you second
will not have the same size anything as me, not even my
heart.

iv:
when will there be more people alive
than people who have
died already

v:
You breathe 25,000 times a day
& only expect to
love once in your life.
 Aug 2013 jude rigor
Sarina
She doesn't miss you, she doesn't miss you
but don't worry:
he does not miss me either.

I have to wonder
if there is something I am missing,
some kind of place where lovers are taught how
to hurt one another
because everyone
I have met
so far has done a pretty great job.
 Aug 2013 jude rigor
Sarina
I have
turned the moon into
your skin at

at least
ten
times by now

and

I have
pretended that I can
think for her

at least
fifty.

I changed her name
to something
kids

are not
supposed to say
and adults

pretend not to know
of.

It is
a whole lot of
wishing
I have things under

control.

Everything
beautiful can
get

cavities
but nobody expects

our teeth to
fall out,
we just stay empty.

In the name of
the

girlfriend
ex-love
and holy ghost,

amen.
 Aug 2013 jude rigor
Sarina
It is August
but I have your shirt pulled up to my nose
like your scent will
protect me from another bad night.

I wear it as a turtleneck
and tuck my arms inward, making a blanket.
I am so sick of
              not feeling safe.

I remember asking you to use the tip
of your fingers on my
shoulderblade
caress the flesh into small waves
(You live too close to the sea to not taste
of salt)
then fabric wrinkled in a bundle.

Make me guess what the skinstrokes mean.
I am learning braille
or just how not to be alone.

I am so tired of
              waiting to know what you drew

when the sun is so high
shadows can only be cast on the oceanfloor
and everything above my clothes
breathes (I love you
too much to not taste of salt).

When summer ends
maybe I will get a good night's sleep, held
by seaweed and
reading your messages out of a bottle.
 Jul 2013 jude rigor
Djs
ten months away
two with you
after hours and days
flying from and to

ten months apart
postcards
letter stamps
phone cards
five hour phone calls
exceeding text limits
occasional fights
and constant I miss you's

two months together
formal dates
long walks
take out food
sincere talks
hugging and kissing
and hand holding
not having to worry
about one of us leaving

then come the hours of dreading
heavy luggages
heavy crying and sobbing
plane tickets
one of us will be flying
tears and sadness
hugs and kisses
the airport had witnessed
our love more than anything else

and after this day
i'll be back to being away
two thousand one hundred sixty eight
miles away from you
but this is not the end
i'll see you again

*-djs
"I miss you" letters, #5.
thankfully              
you found enough
for both of us        

i love you
x
 Jul 2013 jude rigor
ba
when i met you,
you grew inside me
like a blooming hibiscus
reaching its full and
most beautiful
potential.
watered and fueled
by the passion i felt
when i saw your smile
from across the room.
don't look, you'll freak him out!
you smiled back

and then i froze
it was the middle of summer
and i was as still
as the temperature
below zero

i suppose,
*that's what you call love
 Jul 2013 jude rigor
speakeasied
Two nights ago,
I discovered the definition
of summer.
Regardless of what
Merriam tells you,
it is not just "the warmer
half of the year."
In fact, summer lies
within the smallest details
of a perfect day
and the broadest spectrum
of all drunken nights.
It is the warm concrete
underneath your thighs
that burns at first but
"hey, you'll get used to it."
It is the cigarette carelessly
placed between your
cherry-red lips
and the way we sang as
loud as we could in
your driveway at
3-in-the-morning.
It is the restlessness
of being in one place for
too long mixed with the
comfort of somewhere you
know like the back of your hand.
It is our "couple minute long" talks
that turn into hours
and the epiphany I had when
I realized it's okay to be okay
but it's also okay to not be.
It is the moment I told you this
revelation of mine,
and how you smiled at me
like a 2-year-old and responded,
"this is why I love you."
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