Do I not learn at all?
All these disappointments that keep flocking in
I still continue to expect more from you
Do I not learn at all?

I keep trying to mend us
You try just as hard to mess up
You drop the ball and everything shutters
This should be like tennis, you give and receive
But in this game, I keep giving and not receiving
You receive and hardly ever give

How long will this keep going on
I am dying inside
My heart is slowly getting hypertrophied
All these chances that I keep giving you, they exhaust my muscles each time you slip away
It's like I am suffocating with disappointment
I keep hoping you would come back to your senses
I can barely breathe
And you can barely keep a promise

Tell me that you don't want this and I will let you be
Tell me you don't want this
I will respect your decision
If your heart is not in it, don't try to fake what you don't feel.

As a Christian I fear God  His plans are greater than mine. His ways are better than my ways. How will he hear my cry if I don't call out to him and pray? How will I be forgiven if I don't forgive? How will he make me pure if I don't believe?

As a daughter I fear the loss of my mother, she is my everything I know not of how I will soldier on without her. Who will I turn to? Who will I bring flowers to on Mother's day? Who will kiss me good morning and welcome me home?

As a paramedic I fear one day I'll get dispatched to a M.V.A and only to find out it is my loved  one. How will I switch from personal to professional? How will I manage a patient when I am tormented?

As a woman I fear I will devote my life to someone only to wake up with divorce papers on the breakfast table. Who will sleep beside me at night? Who will fix the door handle? Who will teach our son football?

As a human I fear my rage will drive me to put a gun to the head of whoever angered me. How will I live with myself? Will I survive years in jail? Let alone a night in prison.

As a friend I fear death of my peers for I don't want to bury them rather they bury me. I can't imagine life without them. Who will I cry to? Who will call me to order when I am intoxicated? Who will dance with me when our favourite song plays on radio?

As child of God I fear nothing for the Lord is by my side at all times.....till eternity.

We are all f**d up in some way.
I cannot  worry about your flaws while i'm silently trying to fix my very own.
If flaws were a rough sketch of who you are then perhaps I'd be pushed to figure out what's wrong.
And that's the mistake most of us make : We keep poking to see what's really wrong (because we think that's what defines us and we can fix people) while we supposed to appreciate those flaws and what's right then soldier on.
Life will come and pass us by while we busy trying to understand what broke us.
There is so much more to us than our imperfections.
There is so much more to life than misery and bad habits.
Fold the curtains and look through the window....the view is better refreshing than the colour of the curtains.
Don't look at the curtains look through the curtains.