Is this what you wanted?
I guess now you’ve won
The battle is over
It had never begun

The dawn came as always
The day must return
With it your silence
Of that I have learned

But tell me one thing
It’ll take but a minute
Were you there for me?
Or did you simply want to win it?

If one day we meet
Pause not in remembrance
I promise you I won’t
Not then, not now
Nor everyday since.

I want a country boy,
who picks me up in his beat-up
hand-me-down,
lived-in pick up
a football-playing
Sunday morning worshiping
second son of a tight-knit clan
that looks at me
with his unclouded blue eyes
not searching for faults
or explanations
no need to foresee the future.
And I'd look up
grateful to some glorious power
for giving this country boy,
this southern-drawl using
sweet-tea drinking
yes-ma'am-answering gentleman,
just to me.

a boy died today
i scream
banging my head against the wall
my nails cutting into my pounding fists

a boy died today
i cry
fierce, angry, wet tears roll down my face
mapping out the directions
my sorrow will take

a boy died today
i sit
staring off into space
not screaming
not crying
just trying to forget

a boy died today
just like yesterday
and tomorrow it will happen again
so why don't you cry?
why don't you scream?
why are you pretending everything's alright?

a boy died today
i think
i know
i remember
sinking into my pain
letting it overtake me
leaving me broken
a boy died today.

I want to cry
To give in to my urges
To scream, kick, kiss, and eat

I want to hear my voice
Echo through the walls my singular reality
Shattering my illusions

I want to punch the earth
With the ferocity of a thousand simultaneous lightning storms
Turning the night into the day

I want to push him up against the wall
No thoughts
No objections
Just us
And the spark of what could be

I want to eat my way through a meal
Without fears of what I’ll gain
Of what I’ll have to feel guilty about
Later

I want to say
Yes
To let the dam break inside me
To let the monster roar
To hear the gasps of those around me
And think
“I’m free”

there's so much I don't understand
its a wonder I'm here at all...
pass by through petty masquerading    
      and petty smiles I don't deserve
emotions that flicker
but refuse to flame
sparkles that promise glory, but
as they turn ash
bring me to shame.
if you promise to keep a secret
I'd tell you I miss you-
and you'd say you miss me too,
wouldn't you?
if only you'd leave
so I could come find you
hug tight
and exclaim that I'd never let you go.
unless of course,
you wanted me to-
but you wouldn't
wouldn't you?

With baited breath and sweaty hands -
we held onto one another like we were drowning.
lips upon lips as if salvation could be earned by passing
oxygen and oxytocin like playground cooties.
fingers intertwined, we'd trace patterns on each others skin
in the back row of empty movie theaters.
You were ecstasy, You were everything
the life-sized puzzle piece to my jagged jig-saw
and best of all...
you were Mine

strokes, blurs

  rough chaotic blotches of color

invade a clean, blank canvas

somewhere inside

grey birds call to me

their songs bursting into blue flame

branches whine upon the shoulder of the air

secretly proud of their special burdens

black

black unobstructed markings

cry

their tears obscuring, concealing

so we cannot see it, feel it

cannot taste the bizarre sweetness

of a world untamed

of a life

unprotected by the shield

of a clean, blank canvas