just like that I wasted away the winter without you

I've started to realize I'm more and more like the cigarette stuck between your lips.
You light the flame when you need to feel good,when you need the euphoric high.
Then you throw it out when it
{or I}
has served its purpose.
But no matter how hard you try to quit
{either one of us}
You're addicted.
And you won't stop coming back.

It's times like these I realize I care to much,
But in all reality, it's because I find it so enticing.
I find the way you think, to be beautiful
how you take things so close to heart, but not a soul to walk this earth, would know
I find the way you laugh to be the best sound I have ever heard, so when it's not there, I feel empty.
I find the way you look at me when you're so happy, to be the sweetest most sincere look anyone could ever give. When that's gone, what's left?

Maybe it's not that I care to much, maybe it's that I'm in love.

Occasionally I find a release
A release from the messed up reality we live in
A release from trying, always trying, but never getting anywhere
A release from my own thoughts, and Demons that Have made my mind a home
A release from wondering if this day could be my last
Some days it's the pen and paper, to scribble all my thoughts down on
Others it's sitting in my car at 4 a.m. naming off reasons why I'm still needed here, if there aren't many.
And most nights, most nights end with you. Having you hold me while I realize you're the reason I'm here. You're my release from feeling worthless. Knowing that without you here, I would have listened to those thoughts coming across my mind saying I don't deserve to be here. To take just one more pill, or swerve just a little bit more.  
And every single night, no matter how hard the day was. I remind myself how thankful I am, that you are here to keep me. That I know, no matter how bad I think I am, you're not going anywhere.

Imagine living in a world where;
Goodbyes were always only temporary
Heartbreak didn't exist
People found the beauty all around us
No judgment or harsh words would be spoken
No matter who you are or what you believe in, everybody was treated as equals
People would learn to enjoy the little things as well as the big things
And last of all, your soul mate, will always, under no circumstances, find you.
What a beautiful world that would be.

Family gathers all around, you see them, but they can't see you.
Tear stained cheeks and comforting hugs, go all around the room.
You scream just to be heard, but nobody seems to notice.
Black is the color that everyone is wearing, rain is coming down as fast as the tears on your mothers face.
You realize as they carry you out to a car, this is a funeral, This is your funeral.
You try to remember what happened, why you're not here anymore.
But it doesn't come to you, you're stuck inbetween this world, and the next.
"You're going back to where you came from, heaven. " your sweet mother  whispers and they lay your body 6 feet down.
Silently, you walk away. Knowing that never again, will you have the chance to see them.
"I'm goin back to where I came from" I say loud, walking away into what I would assume is "going back to where you're coming from"

The best kind of talking is sleep talking.
The kind that sometimes, you don't remember in the morning.
The innocent compliments run from your mouth unknowingly putting a smile across my face.
The slurred words and mistakes remind me that you too, get to a point at night, where you're more yourself than in any other part of the day.
Giggles, out of the blue questions, and sometimes vulnerabilities shine through in depth conversations we have.  
The best kind of talking is sleep talking..